Was wondering how people on here who live alone with little family cope with breast cancer and the treatments after, Ive to see oncologist on fri, maybe chemo dont know yet, but im scared stiff of how living alone ill cope if i have to, I do have good friends who so far have been ok, in fact last week after op they were all around, But this weekend well im on own again, apart from phone calls from a couple.of my friends, when i told one how i feel at having to cope with might be a very dehibilitating treatment on my own, she said well youve got friends, I said yes but you are all working have other things going on, , ,Theres one iveone one who . is retired but she and her husband are always going away You know i hate being alone, even when im well, thats why ive always been obsessed with being healthy, cause i am on own obviously that was a waste of time cause ive got this. Ive been feeling quite tearful today thinking about it, The thought of having to deal with some of the side effects of chemo say on my own, scare me stiff. And then facing the rest of my life alone to, maybe never feeling as well as i do now . She said once better you will have to join things and meet more single people! Will i feel like doing that,i find it hard when well, Im not a joiner Friends are not same as partner, kids or siblings are they.? Sadly my oldest friend is now coping with ovarian cancer herself so she wont be available and she has a husband fortunately for her. Being retired makes it worse, no job to go back to. How do others cope?.
Hi catchpole - I could have written this…I’m very very lonely as everyone works or has there own lives …I struggle thinking about chemo (weds for me appts) but struggle more thinking how am I going to cope with life in general by myself in the future. Ive googled a few clubs I might join but it’s hard … I do have two teens but can’t offload on them and they are very busy with their own lives ( as they should be) - I e cried buckets over this whole ‘by self’ thing. How do I cope? Online shopping for food…daily walks listening to music …crap TV… But the loneliness is v hard and I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be involved with me romanticly in the future as I have lost both breasts and self esteem v low … I’m trying to just accept things … Getting to know myself better. I wouldn’t think I could have done what I already have and we will get through thisx. I think u were very brave to post and I wouldn’t normally say how I feel but wanted u to know that u are NOT alone with these issues.
Sarah
I think it’s very easy to feel that no one would want you, hairless and breast less but don’t write off all men… There are some amazing ones out there who see past all that stuff. Not easy to find, I agree, but they do exist. I thought, in my teens and early twenties that I would never find a boyfriend or husband who would be interested in someone infertile. ( had chemo in my teens). I couldn’t have been more wrong. The men I met all said that it was me that they were interested in. I went on to meet my wonderful husband who genuinely is not worried about bilateral mastectomies, hairlessness etc. I can’t imagine going through chemo on my own but also should say that women vary enormously in the side effects they get. My auntie ( in her 60s) was pretty tired and felt a little sick occasionally but that was it. I did have bad side effects but that was more down to the chemo I had had as a child. There are some excellent anti sickness drugs and also, just because you’ve started chemo, it doesn’t mean you can’t stop at any time. Do you know if Macmillan nurses could give you some support?
If you are as lovely as your posts make you sound, then forget about men who are to shallow to be interested in nothing more than a pair of breasts. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself, remind yourself what a wonderful person you are and who know who may turn up in your Christmas stocking…
I’m not trying to be facetious or not understanding, I’m just aware that the more we value ourselves the more other people see us as someone to be valued…
Good morning Catchpole and other ladies on this thread! It is very important you keep in contact with each other only someone in your own position can really appreciate how you feel.
I was diagnosed a year ago and had chemo, db mx and rads. I am now having herceptin. I live in Cyprus with my husband but my 3 children and 4 grandchildren live in the UK and France. My husband works and up until,March last year so did I. I was a teacher and it consumed my life. All of a sudden overnight I am crudely taken away from what I know and into a world of worry and loneliness. My husband works until 6 then comes home but sits up very late working and we get up at 6 and he is gone by 7.30. Initially staff members came to see me but as time has gone on they have stayed away. Neighbours didn’t want to bother me! So the dog and I spent far too many hours together. I know I am very lucky I do have a husband coming home and at least he is in the house. There are no support groups here so I am very isolated with my situation. My 3 children skype me once a week my daughter sometimes twice and that keeps me sane. The biggest daily help,has been the ladies on this forum. The monthly chemo threads are very useful as you can compare notes. One of the ladies came out to Cyprus on holiday and I met up with her last year. Some of the other ladies are meeting up when I go back in July. We have really learnt a lot about each other’s lives and been able to support each other.
I haven’t had an easy journey and have faced many set backs and last year ended with the death of my 93 year old father. I am now resting up after having one of my tissue expanders removed due to continual infections. I am hoping to get the implants in in the next few weeks then I can really start to turn the corner.
I would urge you to contact Macmillan I am sure they must have support for people living alone.
Keep in cans of soup and bread for days when you don’t feel like preparing much. I found the Heinze Lentil soup very comforting! Toast and marmite was my other life saver!
Good luck with your onward journey it will pass. I can recommend Countdown for keeping the brain active!
Love the Christmas stocking comment - I’m headed for chemo now - quietly terrified but getting on with it. my main fear is if something happens in the middle of the night and I have to sort out my teenage girls … Very hard x but these positive comments have helped x
When I was going through chemo, my sisters wanted to be able to help but they live at the other end of the country and have little children. They kept apologising that they weren’t visiting me or doing anything. I asked them to keep me posted with pictures of my nephews and nieces. This is something they could do and it made a real difference to me- hearing my phone ping and seeing a picture or my baby niece really lifted my spirits.
Is there anything your daughters could do that is doable for them and would make a difference to you? They won’t feel so helpless, sad, angry, frightened and you will be lifted by their support. It really doesn’t have to be a big thing…
Iim a newbie, just had WLE and sentinel node removal on 10 feb, my birthday! I just had to send you hugs and say how brave you are. Coping alone must be so hard. I’m feeling sorry for myself and I have a husband to support me and daughter. Please keep in touch, i would so like to make you feel less alone. I am worried about my husband coping, he had a heart attack last year snd how I will run my business, if I need more treatment. It’s our income so if I can’t keep this going, we could lose our house. Black thoughts at 5am today!
Hi, Catchpole, have you spoken to Macmillan, your breast care nurse and your Consultant about grants and income support? Some workplaces offer financial support. Also wondered if you have checked with the council as you may well have benefits that are available. You need all the support you can get to get through this.
Also my husband found a book called " Breast cancer husband" which he found very helpful.