Living with breast cancer

I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 19. Now m 21 

it was not an easy journey 

I exprience a lots of pain

many people left me 

I doubt my beauty now 

I ask my self  who is gonna   marry a boobless lady 

its been a while now  thinking of writing a book to share my whole story  but I have no idea where to start or how to write a book 

can someone who had gone through the same journey as me guide me 

I’m so sorry you’ve had to face this so young. It’s a cruel disease for anyone, but can feel so much harder when you’re that much younger.

If it helps, my story is: hodgekins lymphoma at 12. Left with scars and steroid-induced stretchmarks that destroyed any body confidence for decades. Breast cancer at 22, so extra scars from that. And no one has ever spurned me for any of it. I held back from a lot from lack of confidence, but I was lucky - and probably there are more nice ones out there than not - and got nothing but understanding and a large ‘don’t really care about that, just you’.

Last year I ended up having a mastectomy and reconstruction, and with someone who cares for you, it often doesn’t matter to them as long as you’re okay.

So. Where am I going with that late-night ramble? You’ve been through a sh*t time, and it’s awful. And it’s hard to see how some things can be overcome - but they can. But bodies - surgery or not - come in all shapes and sizes, and needn’t - shouldn’t! - be a barrier to love. Rebuild your confidence, because that is what will matter most. This is you: be proud of yourself, of your survival. I made a lot of jokes (“Yes, they’re fake: the real ones tried to kill me” level), which works for some, or a large dollop of punk: “Yeah, and?!”. If someone can’t handle something like that about you, they weren’t worthy of you anyway.

I got married after I had breast cancer. It doesn’t stop you having problems in life you just have different ones maybe. I didn’t have a mastectomy I had a quarter of a breast removed so one looked deformed I suppose.

That was 19 years ago but I now have two new lumps in the same breast I had cancer in before which I am having investigated.

I wish I could tell you everything will be perfect from now on. It took me ages to get over the anger and disappointment I felt but I realised that I wasn’t going to live for ever. I could die of cancer, I was certainly going to die of something some time.

That made me forget a lot of the ambition I had before and realise the future was all a dream. None of us knows what will happen. Kindness and love and the beauty of nature are the only things worth living for.

Love Seagulls

Hi

i can’t guide you but how great would it be to write a book especially dealing with this at your young age. 19 is so young to experience breast cancer, I’m sure friends don’t understand at that age what you’ve gone through.  I got married at 19 thought I was grown up but looking back I wasn’t really, still married to him tho 33 years now. 
Really hope someone can help and you get lots of support. 
Lots of love vic xxxx

I forgot to say I thought I would never have another relationship. I was in a long term one with someone who lived in a different nearby country when I found my lump. I then started another one with someone else who lived near me. I ended that when I got my diagnosis and went back to the first one. Diagnosis made me rethink whether I wanted to be with either of these people but I stayed with the one in the other country. Then he got diagnosed with a dreadful wasting disease at least as bad as breast cancer. He had a colostomy and I found I couldn’t deal with that. So that ended, partly because I couldn’t keep flying to see him and partly because I found it difficult for other reasons. I was not committed to him I suppose.

So now I have nobody and I am going through treatment alone. It wasn’t so bad, I could do what I wanted and I did get better. I then met an old friend and we married after three years of living together. I had one and three quarters of a breast. I did have a lot of fears about my body, but I had acne for years all over my back and chest so that was so painful and disfiguring I had  hated my body since I got this at about 12. I finally got treatment with roaccutane when I was 38. That was when I started having a lot of relationships with men to make up for lost time. 

I do think how you feel about your body is more important than how it looks but certainly surgeons now realise women want their breasts to look as good as they can. I am now 66 and maybe I feel I can cope better with the idea of mastectomy now than I could when I was first diagnosed in 2003. I thought a partial mastectomy of my very small boob was going to look awful. I never liked how it looked but I came to terms with it. It looks better now as it has two breast tumours filling where the old cancer was! I know I will now have to have a mastectomy. It fills me with pain, but I know now I can deal with it. The best way is not to rely on a man or anyone else to make you happy. However you look, whatever illnesses you have you are a valuable person.

You will suffer but I hope you will survive and meet someone who deserves you.

I am a bit more compassionate now. There are a lot of men out there whose mothers have died of breast cancer, a lot more who have seen less than perfect breasts and don’t expect to find the perfect woman who looks like a Barbie Doll. Penises come in all shapes and sizes, men get testicular cancer and lose balls, they can also get breast cancer. We need to celebrate difference and survival.

Seagulls

In my opinion, it is worth starting with a blog. There are many women who blog about women’s breasts. For example, a blog about natural methods of breast enlargement: perfekte-brust.de/
It is worth starting with writing a blog, which will help you write a book afterwards. To write a blog, you can sit down every day and add entries on a variety of topics and then you can turn it into a book. In my opinion, a cool thing can come out of it!

Dear Gadina

i think it’s terrible you have got this illness so young. I am glad you have got a diagnosis quickly because many younger women who have lumps wait ages to get treatment. It’s terrible and writing a book might help you and younger women as well as older women know how you feel and how you are dealing with treatment and other people’s reactions. I leant a lot from my first diagnosis in 2003 which helped me with my new diagnosis (a new primary) in 2022. I have lived with breast cancer a long time and I hope to live as long as my mother who is now 95.

Let me know how things are going.

best wishes

Seagulls

Hi Gadina,

what about a creative writting course - you can find them in many places including online? i am sorry for your experience- do not doubt yourself- if your survived this , you can do a lot in your life!

xxx

Hi Gadina :slightly_smiling_face:

I was diagnosed last year at 24. 

Being a G cup and now flat is a really big change. My fiance though has stuck by me and been my rock. When I made the decision to have my breasts removed he just told me he was more of a butt guy anyway.  Lol.

So dont ever think there isnt someone out there that wont love your beautiful strong body. Wear those scars with pride. They show us how powerful our bodies truly are. 

And as for writing a book why not? Lifes too short and I personally feel it would help so many others going through it that are around the same age. 

I will add I found tiktok or social media in general so helpful. There are lots of beautiful women who are going through this, have been through it or are BRCA + and had preventive surgeries sharing their stories and raising awareness. It might help with getting your own story across and on paper! Not forgetting just feeling less alone. 

Im wishing you all the best! Hoping you are doing well! And sending love and postive energy to you! 

~Kirstie :sunflower:

Dear Gadina

Are you ok, it’s a long time since you posted. I have had a mastectomy and reconstruction since I joined here. How are you doing?

Best wishes 

Seagulls