Give it time, and I bet you’ll get some of that confidence back ! People saw me as a very confident and outgoing person (although I’m not really, when it comes to the crunch) and I felt that having bc completely stifled my personality - I just wasn’t the same Julie. Losing my hair was the final straw. I always used to sing along to my C.Ds in the car, and I remember driving to work and back with not even the radio on.
Like I say, after a few weeks things changed and the old Julie is almost back (to everyone’s relief apparently!). Don’t get me wrong, I still have my down days but things have certainly got better - and I’m back to singing in the car !
The Company I work for has two call centres in the North East - Fusion - heard of us ?
I know one of the Driectors there, he used to work for us and asked if I would be interested in joining when we did a jobs fair a while ago. What do you do there?
Im ok, I just hate the, shes wearing a bandana, quick dont make it obvious weve just looked at her and feel sorry for her - went to fill car up today at Tesco and tried to pay at pump so didnt have to go in, but the bloody pump wouldnt accept my card so had to go in and pay!
Ya know what, I left wrk tonight thinking I could murder a drink after work, then felt sad coz I wasnt Lynne who just came home, thru off the business suit and grabbed a pair of jeans and a hoody and grabbed a drink in the local like I used too.
I think my bandana draws attention to me anyway, doesnt bode well with a suit for work then a bandana! but cant do a wig, just not me.
Sorry to hear you are a little down still. Have you tried a wig? I have got one, and I have to say it is getting easier and easier to wear it, and I don’t feel so self conscious anymore. I am not a bandana person at all, and not even tried, but got my wig after first chemo, and everyone thinks it looks fab. It is very similar colour to my hair and also in a style very similar to what I had, a bob style with fringe. I went into a local shop and they were ever so lovely and helpful. Thinking i need a second one as back up.
Just to make you laugh too, decided to give it its first hair wash last week, so followed instructions and hung on shower head to dry overnight. When I went to check, it had disappeared and there appeared to be a dead rat on my shower floor!!! LOL. Hung it back up and left it again. Told my OH if it was ruined, he had to shoot to the wig shop first thing next morning, complain and get an identical replacement. But, thankfully, it was fine next morning, nice and dry and just needed to brush it.
Anyway, thought this might halp a little, not sure. I go out and about with my little girl and no one even gives me a second look, or if they do, I don’t notice!!!
ha ha - thats soooo funny. I can just imagine walking in looking at a wig sat on my shower head!ha ha ha you made me really chuckle - Thank you!
I just couldnt do wig to be honest. My hair is normally number 2 back and sides, and messy spiky on top and has been for 20 years! i had my hair cut and styled religously every two weeks, so for people to see me with something different would be very strange(small town I live in). Plus I think I get away with bandanas more because usually on weekends, im a jeans and trainers girl so wearing a funky bandana goes ok with that kind of wear, I still get looked at but not as much…however as I was saying because I wear a suit for work, I must look out of place walking along the main high street - Thank god for dark nights coming. I think Im just wishing this year away so I can finish my treatment and start growing my hair back. Oh and cant wait for holiday, I was diagnosed a fortnight before I was due to fly to Sorrento!
We went out to a Indian resteraunt last Friday(my first night out), and we sat down and three lads at a table opposite and one was staring at me in which I looked at him and asked if I had a TV on my head - how brave was I!
Im getting better though, I just need to plod on I guess.
How are you doing after your 3rd round of chemo yesterday? managing ok?
Am OK after yesterdays chemo, just a little tired really. No sickness yet, and hopefully won’t as been OK on last two. Was my last FEC and now onto taxotere on 10 Oct.
Glad I made you laugh about my wig. Do they not do short wig styles then, to be honest didn’t really look, as knew exactly what I wanted, something like my own hair.
You were very brave when out, although well done on you for saying that too him. Probably embarrassed him so much, he won’t be so quick to stare at someone again. Go Girl!!!
Know the holiday feeling, I was dx 3 days before due to fly to Spain, and we were still going to go, but then got MRI scan, Bone scan and CT Scan all for that week, so there was no contest really, as would not have enjoyed myself. We are planning on going away after new year, on a Sandals Beaches holiday for the kids, all inclusive. So keeping everything crossed we can do this.
Anyway, glad I cheered you up a little bit. And take care of yourself and hold your head up high.
I know what you mean about you wouldnt be able to enjoy the holiday. When I was dx the surgeon didnt even ask if I had anything booked he just said how about we have you in next week, and I figured I was fine with that as the sooner they get this outta me the better! Where are you fancying going on your holidays? Ive only ever been abroad once(my choice as very nervous about flying until i actually did it!!) we went to Malta and I think next year I now dont want to go to Sorrento(im supersticious) Im thinking Sardinia or I may be bold and go somewhere cold!
If we do Sandals Beaches think it is caribbean way, and they cater for children, as we want to splash out, but may change our mind and go somewhere else. We also have to go to our nextdoor neighbours villa in Spain, where we were going in July, as they have done a room specially for Sophie, so might do a week in December with them. I love going abroad, but not sure if wanna sit in the sun for long anymore, use to be a sunworshipper.
Not sure what happens after chemo, told Herceptin and can go away when on that, as doesn’t make immune system weak. Have to wait and find out, but chances better be good as think myself and family need a holiday now!!
Off to sit and watch tv for a while now and relax, Jack just gone to bed for afternoon sleep, and Sophie going to watch her telly hopefully and leave me in peace.
Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better - I know what you mean about holidays - we had two weeks in Lanzarote booked for August - which had to be cancelled. Going somewhere really nice next year - kids want Disneyland, Florida. I want somewhere hot and relaxing. Can’t wait either way.
Anyway Lynne, I’m intrigued to know who this Director is who works for “us” ? I suppose we can’t really mention names on here though. I work at the Head Office in Peterborough, in HR - I’m only part time (thank god) and do the admin for the Recruitment Team. I love it, and to be honest if you ever wanted to move jobs I couldnt recommend a better company to work for. I’ve been there over 10 years now, and they’ve been brilliantly supportive to me since I was diagnosed.
Dawn didnt realise Sandals can cater for children - that may be an idea for next year !..
Ah a fellow recruitment buddy! They do have a good reputation in the NE so it may be an option in the future. They have just been recruting heavily the last few months too, maybe expansion?
Sorry to but in on this conversation ladies, but I wear a scarf, just don’t feel right in my wig. I work in a professional office so everyone is in a suit. I don’t feel that my scarves look out of place with my suits. I have several cotton ones, bought from an ethnic type shop (the sort that burns incense & has chimes dangling everywhere) - they all came with fringes which I laboriously removed as they got in the way of tying the scarves, and then I just match the colour of my scarf either to my suit or to my blouse.
I quite like the extra attention that my scarf gives me - people are often kinder as a result.
I don’t mind my family seeing my bald head, but in two weeks time I’m going to Center Parcs with a group of girlfriends for a friend’s 40th - booked long before dx - and I’m worried about everyone seeing me then - with shared rooms etc it will be impossible to have privacy. Do I just not worry & just remove my scarf in the evening (as I do at home - hot flushes & scarves don’t mix) or what?
Hey feel free to add your comments. I just dont think I could do scarves either. Im not really that girly to be honest. Im just gonna stick with my bandanas and deal with it the best I can.
As for your holiday - personally I think If they are your friends and are true friends then it shouldnt matter what you look like…but i know if it was me I would feel the same way as you do now. I guess your gonna have to take it off in front of them at somepoint so once its done once and they see it it wont be a shock for them after that, besides you cant do hot flushes with scarves.
What’s the difference between a bandana and a scarf? I’m probably just too old to appreciate the difference (I’m 45).
As for the weekend away - while some of them are good friends, some aren’t (we are all friends of the birthday girl, but come from different places).
What about ideas for next year’s family summer holiday? It’s got to be a big one - after getting through this year (well, we all know about that), plus my oldest will just have left school (18 in a few weeks) so it may be the last family holiday with all of us, plus my mum died three weeks before my own dx at the start of the year so I have inherited some money - any ideas anyone? Nothing too hot as I can’t cope with heat.
Im wearing a doo rag - its kind of like a fitted bandana, Im assuming your scarf is like a headscarf??
As for the weekend away, I guess you will only need to take it off when going to bed as you will be doing alot of activities/walking/visiting places during the day, or sitting having a glass of wine on an eveing - so just make sure you share a room with a good friend?
As for the holiday - Ive only ever been abroad once(due to my own nervousness of flying) but once I did it, I want to go all the time. I was meant to be going to Sorrento this year but a fortnight before i ws dx so decided not to bother. Why not somewhere were you only ever get to go once in a lifetime? my friend has just come back from Richard Bransons private island in South Africa and she said it was amazing - all be it she won the holiday but said it was amazing once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry I can’t be more helpful with advice as I never had chemo, but I am enjoying being nosey and reading your posts. I think you are so brave, what courage you all have. A leopard never changes it spots - or something like that as the saying goes -you will all be back to your normal confident selves with a lot more self-esteem and inner strength than before, woe betide anyone then who stares or offends, get out there and show everyone how well you are, what you have achieved and what you have beaten, don’t lose that fighting spirit.
People are going to think I have stock in this company…which ain’t a bad idea! haha I am feeling goooooooooood the past couple days…got out and walked the dog…went to antique store… just feel good. I started those shots Monday for keeping nuetrophils up and the first night I felt like I had been beaten with a baseball bat and then since I have not felt that way. I don’t really like starting the day with a jab but hey if it keeps me outta the hospital…bring it on!
I bought 3 buffs last year to wear around the neck and one has fleece attached to it…but girl I sweat don’t even talk about fleece! hehe