Look and feel like an old man! Going bald and feel like I cant party with the rest of my pals!
Im fed up! I finish work and all my mates go for a few drinks and I wont purely becoz I feel like an odd bod! Im sat downloading music to make a CD for my car and bypassing all my dance music coz I dont feel young anymore… Would usually download all my fav dance music that I go clubbing too and listen to it - now Im a hermit and dont go out.
Just feeling a little s*it at present and wish we were all on this journey of good health and recovery!
Sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit fed up at the minute. If you want a chat in confidence do give the helpline a call, the staff here are good listeners and have lots of helpful advice that may help cheer you a little. The phone number is freefone 0808 800 6000 open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm & Saturdays 9am - 2 pm. I have also posted the link below to the Healthy Living Days there may be one not too far from you that you might like to try?
Really sorry to hear you feel so bad at the moment. This journey is a real roller coaster of highs and lows!!! I know what you mean about feeling really old. I also feel the most unfit I have ever been. Went on a long bike ride at the weekend, and couldn’t complete the trail needed to stop and sit down at every bench on the way back, while hubby and 12 year old carry on to complete!!! I felt like s**t, normally keep up with them no problem!!!
The bald head does not help, on positive days I don’t care less, and on negative days I feel really vulnerable!!
It wont be long until you are back enjoying and dancing the night away to your dance music.
Sending positive thoughts to get you over this really sh***y time.
Lynne
can totally identify. but you know what, as i was going in for chemo the other day i saw a woman who finished treatment in april - she looked brimming with health, chemo had zapped her cancer and she had hair! hang in there - there is no reason that is not going to be you or me…
Hope you’ve downloaded some good tunes and have a better day.
x
Jo
Sorry your feelin so bad just now. I think a lot of us can relate to you only too well. Our lives just revolve round this and we cant really make plans. I had a bit of retail therapy the last couple of days and actually felt quite smart in the town yesterday. It helps that is has really cooled down here and I am wearing a beanie instead of bandana so can almost pretend to be and feel normal - you dont get half as much stares as you do with a bandana - not quite so obvious that you have cancer!!
Havent been out for drinks yet but going to go for it (during the day) hopefully on Sunday - but again hopefully weather will be bad enough to wear beanie and not bandana. I have a wig but just think I would feel more self conscious in it!!
Hi Lynne,
Sorry you feel so bad, it’s such a roller coaster, this journey that we are all making. You are a little ahead of me, I think. I’m due my 2nd FEC at noon today. About 4 days ago I noticed the old barnet had started to shed, so I don’t know whether to bother with the cold cap today or not. Will speak to the nurses and take their advice.
Have tried on a couple of wigs in readyness, but not sure. Will go for the number 2 look first.
Everyone keeps telling me how well I’m dealing with all of this, but I just know when that hair comes off there will be tears aplenty, along with anger and sadness.
We will all have to stick together throughout and be there for each other at every stage.
As each day passes, it’s another day you don’t have to go through again and one step nearer health, happiness and laughter. These days will come back for us all.
Much love, Liz xx
Sorry too you are feeling bad and really down. It is a really horrible journey we are all having to go on, and wish there was something we could do to make it all disappear. I do wonder why its me that has been affected and I am having a few bad days too.
I know how it is though and the bald head doesn’t help either. I hate having no hair, and won’t look in the mirror at all. I haven’t been out for ages and not had a drink since 26 July, as trying to help my liver (got liver mets), so don’t even fancy going out with my hubby or friends really. As feel whats the point, when can’t drink, don’t want my wig to make me all hot and uncomfortable if stuffy in pub, and if packed someone might knock my wig off.
Got my 3rd FEC tomorrow - so half way through this crap, and hoping am gonna be ok on Taxotere which I start on 10 Oct.
We have to help each other through all this, and all the ups and downs. We are here for you Lynne, and hopefully you are feeling better soon.
Hey lynne,
Really understand where you’re at. It’s hard when you feel you can’t participate in parts of your life that make you ‘you’. Have you tried a wig? Young and vibrant as you are (were!), you could probably carry off a funky style. Go somewhere that you can try lots on, and definitely take a good friend with you. Could you rope in 1 or 2 friends to come round and help you get ready for a night out - even a low key one at first - so they can give you moral support. I had to get friends to come and walk me out of the door lots of times, even when going to be among v familiar people.
The trick with scarves and hats is to experiemnt a lot, and not give up - you can find a way to look fab and if scarves/hats tie in with your outfit, can be less noticeable. Again, you need friends to come round and bring a variety of stuff to try, otherwise it gets expensive if you buy. It’s a matter of building up confidence that they won’t get knocked off! and the only way is practice and experience.
I really hope you can get out again - this is such an important part of your life, as it has a knock-on effect eg in the music that you listen to the rest of the time.
All the very best
jacquie
firstly I wanna say good on 'ya for managing to work whilst going through chemo! That is a massive feat in itself and one that shouldn’t be overlooked. I am 35, yet I have not felt ‘able’ to work since I was diagnosed in March and certainly not since I started chemo!! So, I think you’re amazing, working at the same time as having chemo, you put me to shame!
Your clubbing days are most certainly not behind you, of that I am sure!! Chemo is defo very debilitating and it it can be so frustrating when you want to do ‘normal’ things but just aren’t able. However, after reading threads from people who have now finished chemo I am confident that we will all be able to feel ‘normal’ (whatever that is!!) after all this. We will gradually get our energy back and will be out getting lashed with the best of 'em!!!
Body image issues are a mare! The whole hair loss thing is very traumatic for most of us. Personally I always wear v.vibrant scarves, usually red or pink, it just ‘picks me up’. But I can totally understand why you may feel like you just want to blend into the background.
I wish you well and I really hope your mood lifts very soon,
Take care and you know where we are if you need us,
Just having a bit of a struggle at the minute. I long for the weekend, it used to be so we could go clubbing or go and visit places, now I just wanna stay home(i know I shouldnt as I shouldnt be ashamed I got breast cancer) but I do. I went to Tesco the other day and walked round with my head down so I didnt have to look at people looking at me, when I did get to the checkout the lady fell over herself to help me - which i wasnt impressed with as Im no victim which is how i felt - dare I say this bit I wanted to say yes i have CANCER is it written all over my bandana!!!
Work have been really good with me, I am a Consultant and I would spend my normal day running two recruitment sites across the north east, but I asked if I could just work out of my home town office which they agreed, so I spend my day sitting in the back office(which looks like a cellar with no windows) working away, on the odd occasion I will go and interview if my team are busy but I hate it if I have too. but the back office works for me, im there from 9am - 5.30pm then I face the main high street to go back to my car - again which I walk with my head down, I try and leave around 6ish when its not so busy with cars.
And when I get home, I just lock the door as if I am locking the world away - then feel guily when my OH says should we go for a drink as its been a mega busy day and I refuse. Then the whole taking of the bandana off to reveal more bald patches coz it keeps falling out. The I lay in bed wondering when my chemo is over and Rads etc - what if it just comes back etc etc etc…
Sorry to moan on! Just really pants at the min - I am sure I will feel better soon hopefully.
Hi Lynne… Sorry u r feeling down… I am as well. I am wearing my Buffs day and night…told my husband I am tired of having things on my head…but I am cold without and sometimes hot with. … I find I have a daily cry… it pisses me off to do it but I just can’t hold it in. These shots they are giving me for a week to boast my white blood cells… are making me feel like I have been beaten up with a stick! So sore… I haven’t gone anywhere in month… of course with hospital and all the other stuff just haven’t had the time nor energy. Guess I am not a good one to talk to for cheering up… A lady I met at the wig shop and I keep in touch with… she is getting same treatment… chemo FEC first then surgery…she is doing fine…even working… I think why can’t I be like that… she has 2 tired days after chemo then on and on feeling better…
I also find when I read alot on these sites I get scared… I think I need therapy during all of this really.
Well we will hang in there and tomorrow is another day and perhaps we will be cheery! Best wishes to you dear girl… talk to u soon!
I am so sorry your feeling down too. Ive never had that injection so dont know, but there is nothing worse than feeling like you have done ten rounds with Mike Tyson! I dont wear anything on my head on a night, as there is not one solid bald patch just wisps and then thick clumps, but im reluctant to get rid but it is cold sometimes… Ive been feeling ok on my chemo, nausea on the night of chemo but just mainly tired but I get chemo on wed and Im back at work on the Monday.
I just hate the whole not being able to be carefree and just wander out, its always oh i must go and put my bandana on!!
I too scare myself with info on the net etc.
Im a bit worried as Im starting to get the sniffles too, really dont want anything hampering my chemo schedule so will be gutted if this develops into a full blown cold as Im due my 3rd EC next Wed.
Hi Lynne,
I was so sad when I read your message. All I can say is things will get better and in a years time when your back clubbing this will seem a million miles away. I have just had my first fec last week but Im determind nothing in my life is going to change. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel so tired but then I think of my three young children sleeping and no I want to get up and spend every precious moment with them. I get up, go in the shower, put my make up on and walk in the play ground with my head held high. I want everything as normal for my children as possible. So today dont be sad, down load your music and dance because things will get better.
Lynne, Best wishes on the next chemo… I tell u something else that is driving me nutzo… my ears have been ringing for over a month… I feel like crap all the way around. Hey glad u r able to work some…do u find that helps just getting out of the house and mind on something else?
Thanks for the lovely message, Im just a little down bu Im sure I will kick myself up the butt and get out of it, this forum is a wonderful place! I wish you the very best with your treatment and the rest of your chemo…
Lee - my god you seem to be getting it rough girl! I do find it helps, I think I would be bored stiff at home, especially because I dont like going out now having to wear bandanas etc. I am used to working 15 hour days sometimes, travelling between 3 sites in the NE, plus I love my job so it helps. Now I work 9am - 5.30pm and leave pretty much on time as im tired…
From one bandana wearer to another - I know how you feel ! I was dreading it the first time I wore mine - especially taking/picking my youngest up from school, the first trip to the Shopping Centre, and especially going into work (I work for a very big company). I too looked down most of the time, in case anyone was staring at me, but I can honestly say, I don’t do that anymore - I have no idea where this sudden confidence has come from, but I’m glad it has, considering at the start I was insisting I didn’t want anyone to see me (and heaven forbid if my hubby saw my bald head!).
The company I work for held a party down in London last Thursday for employees who had worked there for over 10 years, as well as clients. When I first got the invite, I immediately thought there was no way I could go - all those people looking at me, the cancer patient ! But I changed my mind, bought the brightest coloured dress I could find, along with matching bright purple bandana, and purple nail polish on my fingers and toes ! Talk about not wanting to get noticed - LOL ! Do you know what, I had a fab time.
I know I’ve said it before, but you will get used to it Lynne - I can even laugh at myself now, and my bald head is on show most of the time around the house now - although I have to say, it’s getting colder so I may have to dig out that sleep hat I haven’t yet worn !
Anyway my lovely, hope you’re feeling better soon - and don’t worry about having a moan - we all do now and then - we’re entitled to !
So sorry Lynne and Lee that you are feeling so sad. It seems so sh*t somedays, but then somehow we pull ourselves out of it. I think you are doing brilliantly, the fact that you have come on here to post your worries and moans at least means you are dealing with it and getting it out of your system.
Fab support and advice from all the girls as ever - you know everyone cares and will be here to listen no matter what the gripe or what time of day or night.
You sound like you had a fab time. I too work for very large company, we have over 3000 staff across 3 sites in NE. I manage two of them in the Recruitment area, so interview alot of people due to nature of business, hence why I have asked to be posted in home town in back office!!
I wish I could gain the confidence to go out and feel confident, yet before BC my OH called me a peacock becasue I would walk into a room so confident and can very much hold my own, now I just wanna skulk in the corner. I dont want to advertise the fact, id rather hide and face it if people ask/look.