Hi,
I was diagnosed with BC (DCIS) Grade 2 ER8, PR8 T1(12mm) in January this year.
Went through two surgeries (one lumpectomy + 5 lymph nodes and other to remove a second satellite focus).
Currently I am in the week 2 after my 5 out of 6 FEC chemo session. Every time when I go to a chemo my response to the medication is different. Although I should be cheerful about the idea of having my last course, I am definitely not looking forward to that.
Still have to endure 3 weeks of Mon-Friday Radiotherapy booked for October.
I have been following the discussion group but never had to the guts to write here… When I started reading other people’s experiences I started feeling sick just to remember my own experience and emotionally drained.
Today I am writing here in the hope that someone out there reads how I feel and truly understands me.
Came to UK six years ago and most of my relatives are in Brazil.
I feel very lonely now that my mum’s gone and I am left with my husband (no children).
Unfortunately I don’t think he understands the situation and neither the friends that still contact me (some of them that I regarded as close friends vanished). They try to be supportive but I don’t know if I am over sensitive with all the circumstances or if they have a distorted view about me and the cancer.
They always come with : ’ You are strong, you are doing very well. Soon it will be over’ talk. And it could not be over from the truth. I feel really low and lost!
Some (including my other half) are also questioning why I am not working ! I can barely go for a walk to the library without feeling knackered.
Today I went to the High Street to buy some goods to cheer myself up wearing my wig. A group of teenagers passed through me staring and giggling. I felt awful and ran to the bathroom to take off my wig and put a scarf on my head.
I came back home and I cried and cried and cried. Cried for the people I felt I knew and now they seem to live in another world apart from mine, cried for not having my hair and because I had this stupid idea of wearing a wig that strangers laugh at, cried for taking the decision to be so far from my birth land and cried for the uncertainty of the future (marriage, career, pregnancy, etc)…
Thanks for reading up to here!