Hello everyone I’m new on here and still not sure how it all works. I just needed to talk about things before I went insane but talkin about it proved much harder than I thought so writing about it might work.
I’m 21 and have breast cancer. I havnt told my family as I’ve disappointed them through the years enough, the only person that knows is my best friend and he doesn’t get it, every time I try and speak to him all he says is ‘your going to be fine’ he doesn’t understand, I feel far from fine and it’s becoming exhausting puttin in a brave face for the world everyday and carry on like I havnt a care in the world. I have a 10 month old baby boy who I feel I’m letting down I love him so much and feel guilty that I can’t be the mum he deserves, i just want everything to go away
Hi Sazzy
Firstly, welcome to the forums, I’m sure you will find them a great source of support and information.
This is, understandably, a very difficult time and not having anyone to talk through your treatment and anxieties with must be hard too.
I wondered if you might find it helpful to speak to one of our Helpline team, they’re great listeners and direct you to other services and support.
The number is 0808 800 6000. They’re open 9-2 today and weekdays 9-5. Do give them a call if you can.
Best wishes.
Louise
Facilitator
Hi sorry u had to join us but welcome pls ring the helpline for a chat u need some help also is there no way u can talk to y family I’m sure at a time like this things might be diff men are weird my words plp who don’t have cancer have no idea wat y going through I’m not much help at moe soz kp posting just wanted to say hi Laura
Hi Sazzy
Welcome to our group! Sorry you had to join us, but we are all in it together. I have gained a lot of comfort and knowledge from others on here. There will be lots of concerns and questions on your mind - try and shout them out to us.
How lovely to have a ten month old. You will find the right time to tell your family. I found when people who have had some experience of cancer know about our situation, they are incredibly supportive. You have another journey ahead to get through, and you will find the right way to cope for you, don’t isolate yourself though. There are many thousands of us who care and are happy to support each other. Look at the young womans forum, many who are in the same position as you.
Good luck and lots of hugs for the weekend. Xx
thank goodness you have found this forum.when i was first diagnosed i did not tell collegues or friends, in fact when i did tell people I sent emails. Talking about it made it more real
the thing that made me sad about your post was that you sound as if you think it is your fault that you have cancer and that you have let people down.
Please do not think that, its nobodies fault, its just horrid bad luck, especially in someone so young. There are a lot of people on here with young children and I am sure they will be along soon to give you support.
I do not know how long you have known about your BC and what treatment you will be receiving, but for every stage you are going to need support and advice and this forum is a great place to get it. So come on here and ask questions, rant about how crap it is to have cancer, or how worried you are about the next step.
everybody is realy sypmathetic and supportive.
also if you feel that it would help you could ring the helpline. If it gets too upsetting you can hang up and try again later, they are used to that.
It is your decision when to tell your family and friends. The only thing I would say is they are bound to find out eventually and how would they feel knowing that you had dealt with this yourself and not told them about it, that is something to take into account when deciding who to tell.
Sazzy, I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself here, it’s a complete bummer, to put it mildly.
As OAL has said, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! That’s the main thing you need to accept. And then you can get on with dealing with the disease and all the treatments that will be thrown at you.
Please do give the helpline a ring. They can put you in one-to-one contact with others who are in the same boat and people who can support you, particularly as you feel you can’t tell your family.
Don’t worry about telling people just yet, there’s no rush. Get your own head round it first and then you can decide in your own time if and when to tell people. You never know, your family might turn out to be really supportive, perhaps to make up for things in the past. But there’s no hurry. Actually, I haven’t told my dad, but for different reasons. He’s quite elderly and would only fret enough to make himself sick, so I felt it best not to put him through it.
There are other young women who are sadly in a similar position to you, do keep posting on here, and call the helpline, so you don’t feel as if you have to get through all this completely on your own. You’ve found the forums, we’re all in the same boat and are here to help each other get through.
Sazzy, I’d really like to give you a big hug, but you’ll have to put up with a virtual one.
CM
x
Hello Sazzy, I just wanted to tell you I’m thinking about you and repeat what the others said - this is NOT your fault and when you tell people is up to you. I was very sad to read what you said about letting family and your baby down - you sound like such a lovely mammy and you clearly love your baby dearly. This is not about letting people down, you need to think about yourself and what YOU need right now, so you can stay well for your baby.
Please make use of the helpline and come hear when you need to - there’s nothing you can say here that isn’t OK - we know where you are coming from.
I’m not in your age group, but I’m sure that people your age will come along soon, on here.
Life isn’t fair sometimes, is it? you don’t deserve this. I hope you get the support you need
monica xxx
hi Sazzy,
i know exactly where you are coming from, although older than you apart from my partner and 3 children i havent any other support, or family that i have any contact with,
i have blamed myself in one respect because i have done a few things i now regret during my life and think and feel that i somehow have to be held accountable for them and maybe my cancers, i have had breast cancer twice now, a primary in each breast, are the way i have been punished,
it isnt our fault, yours or mine we have developed this horrible ‘thing’ i used to feel like a disapointment to my family but i dont any more, that has to come with time and experience,
you have to get through this for your baby, focus on him and getting over every obstacle, surgery, chemo, rads its a long journey and nobody is saying it will be easy,
you will come out of it a stronger, wiser person, in someways a different person, but for the better,
you havent let anybody down, dont let yourself down either, be strong, think positive and put your boxing gloves on, your in for a fight, and one you must win,
keep posting, you can and will no doubt laugh and cry sometimes at the same time, but keep coming on here, it will help you i am sure to be able to vent some of your emotions to some of us, and you will get invaluable information and support from those of us who have been here before you,
thinking of you and sending you big ((((hugs)))))Liz xxxxxx
Hi
Everyone has given you good advice and wise words but i just wanted to add my support.
The human condition, unortunately, makes us try and give reasons for bad things happening, we like to think that there is some sort of universal fair-play, in which ‘things happen for a reason’ (i hate that phrase). i think we do this to take our minds off the unnerving fact that we live on a spinning lump of rock in the middle of nowhere.
The fact is sh*t happens. it happens to nice people and horrible people alike, its not dished out to anyone, it just happens and its not fair.
As has been said, tell people when youre ready and tell who you want, but dont hold back for fear of disappointing them, you havent let anyone down, youve just been unlucky. my youngest is 6 and there have been times when ive looked at him and cried. Cried because its so, so sad - not out of guilt.
Your friend sounds like he is trying his best in saying things that are meant to reassure but the fact is that unless youve got it you just dont get it.
Its great that you have found this forum - it has helped me thru the nightmare. You will get thru this,you will.
Take care x