Well exactly as the title says, I’m feeling very scared.
i had my lumpectomy and lymph biopsy results on Friday, they got clear margins and there is no lymph involvement, which is great as it’s not gone elsewhere and I don’t need any further surgery. Im normally a very positive person by nature, and this is great news, so I should be feeling happy with this, right?!!
The path results were I have a basal-like cancer, it’s very aggressive and I was uograded to a grade 3 from a 2. So I’m actually feeling terrified as I just can’t find much good to read about TNBC especially basal-like. So im feeling terrified that even though I’m now going to have chemo, that it’s going to return, and quickly. I actually spent yesterday feeling I’d been given a death sentence.
Perhaps its all just caught up with me and now its gone from my body, the shock of it all has caught up with me? I feel more like it’s the effects of having a bastard cancer that’s presence is going to lurk forever. And I’m also not filled with confidence that a yearly mammo is going to cut the mustard - as this one didn’t even show up! Pure fluke this one was found when I went for a check on the other breast (which turned out to be fine) and they felt a tiny lump which the gp and I had missed. What if there is a lump and i don’t find it again?!
im sure this is a blip and I just need to find the positives. I will probably feel better after seeing the onc on Wednesday as I will have more facts to deal with.fingers crossed this feeling will do one today though and normal service can resume.
sorry for the rant, needed to get that off my chest.
I am fighting this feeling too. Lumpectomy and SLNB (the latter being clear) so I need radiotherapy and hormone therapy. Since being told my nodes are clear I have been so down in the dumps and have lost my positivity about it all. I am really struggling to get my head back in control of the situation.
I think it is a normal reaction, (this forum has confirmed this for me) and one that you will work through and come out the other side back in your usual positive frame of mind.
My cancer also didn’t show up on mammogram and was found on lumpectomy for pre-cancerous cells found on biopsy. I am to have yearly mammogram AND MRI because of this. Maybe you can ask if MRI would pick up your cancer and ask to have that when you have surveillance mammogram?
It is a blip Xena.
It’s great it hasn’t gone anywhere & whatever grade or type it can now be successfully treated. It’s best to step away from google, as especially with TN there is a lot of out of date & unnecessarily scary stuff out there which only feeds the anxiety monster.
It’s not unusual that other areas are found in the breast when first diagnosed, the important thing is, that it has been picked up now.
Of course, no screening is a 100%, but there will even less likely to be a problem after treatment.
take care
ann x
Hi Xena, We all know googling is dangerous but still we do it!! No matter what type of BC we have we all feel like we’ve been thrown a grenade to juggle!
Time and knowledge will help you feel more confident about your outcome , TNBC does have a bad press due to their being no follow on medication but that doesn’t mean the treatment you do have isn’t going to be effective, I take Tamoxifen as mine was ER+ but it gives me only 2% extra protection .
I understand your worries about things being missed on mammogram as mine showed nothing although ultrasound picked it up, ive had two clear mammo’s since my diagnosis and I try to accept that they are just that, I’m vigilant but I don’t obsess over it anymore.
You are still in the very early days of diagnosis and you will feel like this, your mind has a lot to process but you will get stronger and won’t always feel the fear you do now Xx Jo
my surgeons manner and how she sounded were just so different when she said it was basal-like tnbc, that both my husband and I thought she was going to follow saying it with something awful like they will give me chemo but it’s only going to delay its return not stop it. I think perhaps I’m reacting to the feeling I got when she was talking to us about it?
also I’ve been so upbeat since diagnosis i was waiting for a crash, I guess we all have to crash at some point, but I hate it.
Ugh - and now I’ve just gone on Facebook and because of computer cookies I keep being shown a nelsons journey advert with their video entitled “life without mummy”. Great, marvellous, just what I need!
Here are the tough pants for you all to wear, mind you there will not be a lot of room in there with all us lot being in your pockets and right beside you
Ah thank you ladies, this has put a real smile on my face! I’ve had a lovely day today with a family meal out, after we ate, we all spent a couple of hours by the broads in the sun and it was just so nice. I talked candidly with my parents about it and all was good. Then toncome home and see this support is just lively, thank you. X
Hi ladies! I’ve had many a meltdown to the point my veins under my veins were sticking out like crows feet!!! So little vain me, panicked more for rhat at one stage (I suppose it distracted me from BC for a while) Last one was Friday night when my daughter asked if I’d got her a birthday cake (normal question) and because I had, it actually spoilt the surprise so I snapped and said ‘Is that really important?’ (I’ve felt bad as not got much for her after having lumpectomy and coming to terms with results being Grade 2 so need chemo and another op) Shes been so good a d understanding it makes it worse as I feel guilty, especially after her saying ’ Mum, we will have big celebrations when your better!!! Omg that made me worse?? But I am so proud of her I could cry too! So need to keep busy until I see chemo nurse on Weds. Love you ladies.xxx
Ladybowler
Yes, this is good news! I am a bit of a party animal on the whole but right now I haven’t even had much ooomph in me to sort my daughter’s birthday! It’s understandable as this just takes over your life, always there but just trying to think that this is just a little blip in my life, get it treated, recover quick! Then continue my life! Thats all we can do.xx
Hi CK, thank you for checking in on me, yes I had the one day of hibernation then normal service resumed, all be it a slightly less strong version. Feel I’m wearing a bit of a mask that’s thinly veiling the emotion under the surface.
I had family down last weekend so didn’t really have a choice other than to bury it and get in with it. BUT they say fake it till you make it, so that’s what I did!!!
I’ve taken some really positive steps and as I’m going to have chemo I felt I was going to have to tell people at some point,so I started a face book group so I only had one lot of updates to do. I’ve had an amazing outpouring of love and support on there.
I’ve also talked about getting my hair cut and loosing it with my 6 year old,we read the book mummies lump together and she seems to have taken it all in her stride, the 4yr old isn’t interested thought!!?
Morning Xena so glad to see you posting been thinking of you x nothing wrong with wearing a mask Hun just know you can come on here and be honest with us x we just get you big ? x
Hi Zena
Awww, beautiful little girls or boys? They will keep you occupied.xx
I know what you mean about the mask bit, I wear it for a while then when a card comes through the post or someone brings some flowers round I cry!
I’m used to wearing a mask as my ex husband cheated on me when I was pregnant and I still had to go to work and face my customers…then cry afterwards…a different story but it was 20 years ago and I’m so proud that I looked him up and brought them together again! He is making up to her big time and that’s all that matters as she needs him to support her too as I feel guilty she has to go through this! And now another big obstacle to get through!!! Deep breath!!!
Telling certain people results in great support and love but I have had a couple who don’t seem to understand what is happening and not been around even though Ive told them but some have mentioned because the attention is not on them they don’t like it and I actually agree when I think about it more!
So they are sacked!!! I need good supportive friends around me right now.
Mummies lump made me smile! That’s what we can do here, say whatever we are feeling at the time without being judged…and I do rant…
CK could not agree more, you need to do things and fill your time with people that brighten your day and lift your heart… Bin the others off!
I have girls, 4yr old not really taking anything in, she would rather watch telly or play! 6yr old is very sensitive, she will listen, digest and come back to me with questions at random times.
I have been dropping little bits of info into conversations for a couple of weeks now about cutting / losing my hair. I think that could be hard for them as its so visual. I can tell them what’s happening inside, cancer/lump/sickness etc but they are so young its the physical things I think they will react to.
I’m glad your daughters dad has stepped up now. She has another person who can support her through your treatment, well done you.
