Lumpectomy Due 12 June - Scared

I have had a biopsy and told I have a 24mm to 25mm grade 2 tumour. Invasive Duct (?) One lympth node looked “borderline” but the results came back normal. HER2 negative - Estrogen receptive. Came off HRT on the 17th May (Not been easy) 


Had the pre op nurse appt all is well so having the dye done on 11th June Tuesday and on Weds  the 12th June I am to go to the hospital at 7.30am 

I have a UK holiday planned to celebrate my 50th which was in Jan and we spent a LOT on it. Its only a 2 hour drive to get to the lodge and its for 12 days starting the 17th June, 5 days after my lumpectomy. 


I see a few posts here from ladies saying they’re feeling whoozy and nauseous weeks after their operation so Its a concern as we spent £3200 on this lodge and its too late to get a refund but the breast nurse said “You will be fine 5 days later” 


I am also dreading the anaesthetic. I asked the pre operative nurse if I would get a pre med but she seemed very vague and reluctant to respond. She said:  "It depends how anxious you are!"  


I AM anxious! I asked if I could have the operation under a local rather than a general thats how anxious I am about the anaesthetic. 


I had some dental implants done and my blood pressure and heart was through the roof because I was so scared of the twilight sedation they insisted I have even after the sedation my adrenalin was so strong that the sedation barely effected me or had much impact on my heart rate or blood pressure from the anxiety.  I HATE feeling out of control… 


The last time I had a local I was in my early 20s I remember the wire in my hand and them telling me to count backwards to 10 and I was gone at 6 I think. But Im scared. I am scared I wont wake up again. I am scared I WILL wake up but be paralysed and unable to tell them I am awake (Those horror stories you hear about) I am scared when I do wake up I am feeling sick and weak for weeks or drugged up. 


I am scared. Period