Male Support group for partners

[fti]

‘Fighting the Impossible’ was founded in 2023 by Adam Brown and Tom Lewis, who, having recently supported their wives through breast cancer treatment, wanted to create a confidential and safe community for men to discuss their struggles, achievements and coping strategies while supporting a loved one through a cancer diagnosis.

We hold an informal get together on the first Wednesday of every month at The New Mill, Taunton. We want to give male caregivers the opportunity to share experiences and provide practical and emotional support to each other, as well as enjoy a chat over a drink.

Our Mission:

• To support men caring for loved ones going through cancer
• To provide an outlet when times are tough
• To connect with others going through similar situations
• To provide a ‘safe space’ to talk
• To educate and inform
• To share coping strategies
• To facilitate new friendships

We believe that ‘together we are stronger’ and through talking about our situations and looking after own wellbeing, we can better support our loved ones when they need it the most.

[Shi]

thank you for posting this information for Male Support group for partners, do please get in touch with BCN directly too, maybe this is something that could happen in more areas too and maybe help BCN in setting these up? I hear time and time again that husbands/partners need something like this sending big thanks for sharing and sending to you all Shi xx

[fti]

Hi Shi,

Thank you for your message. I have contacted BCN to ask to spread the word a couple times.
Unfortunately, I was told that they are not allowed to point anyone to us, and suggested to share our information here.

[Shi]

Hi fti sorry to hear that bcn are not able to do that. Hopefully forum members see your post and share with their other halves because the support that’s given by partners to those who have partners means such a lot and from personal experience my other half was lucky enough that there were other partners at chemo sessions that they could talk to and they shared how they were helping their partners and how they were navigating through themselves thank you again for posting Shi xx

[isitreallyme]

I did pass you information to my partner last year when I was diagnosed, as my treatment is in Taunton. He did see your cards in the Breast Care Centre when he was waiting for me having tests etc. As long as I seem to be coping then he thinks everything is ticking along.
I think as we had a terrible year with his health, and my mum dying of cancer in the middle of all that last year and I coped then he believes he should do the same x

[PHBF64]

Hello FTI

What a fantastic idea, where I live there is a Maggies Centre , who have a similar group but it’s for Care Givers in all, so men and women.
However I helped my Maggies set up a mens group in 2021 after Covid. And we have two men who attend, one because his dads got cancer, and wants to understand about how it might affect his dad, and generally hear blokes talk about c@nicer and general life. The other chap lost his Sister to Breast Cancer, and comes because as a mens cancer group, we say it doesn’t matter how it touches your life wether you have it yourself, or a relative has, or sadly died from Cancer, we are here to support via peer to peer support.

We often spend time debating the best pork, pies, football, holidays and day to day stuff…but we all know when to stop, and just listen when it matters.

There are days when one of us will be going through something usually a new treatment or new diagnosis ….but that’s when we pull together …nobody leaves the centre worse than they arrived…

What your doing is admirable, because your giving men the opportunity to discus their fears, worries, concerns about their partners health condition. It’s Vital that everyone has an outlet, a place to

Men are notoriously insular, and talking about emotions doesn’t always come that easy, we’ve all been brainwashed to believe men don’t cry, Man-Up, Soldier on regardless……terminology that is complete Bull*&#@

I’ve campaigned on men’s health and well-being for many years and during my working life of 27 years in social care….We need to become more aware of our own health, develop understanding towards the health of others, but obverse all learn and understand
If we bury our heads in the sand problems, health issues, will not just go away, situations will become bigger, and bigger.

I’ve often said give men the platform to talk and eventually they will, then you’ll struggle to shut them up…

Keep doing what your doing I as a man with stage 4 breast cancer
Would love other men to know that there are spaces out there to talk learn, understand. It can only help your loved ones, and overall make living either with or with some with Cancer so much more easier…

Best wishes

D

[fti]

Hi,

Thank you for your message and sorry to hear about your mum and your partner’s health. Give him some time, maybe soon he’ll feel more up for it. We’ll there for him every first Wednesday of the month or on the other side of the phone anytime.

[fti]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your kind words and we are sending all the positivity back to you for helping at your local group, you should be very proud of it, especially if you are living with cancer yourself, I think it’s extraordinary that you are giving so much.
I am so sorry about your diagnosis, we are also here for you and if at any time you think we can help you in anyway, please feel free to contact us.

[PHBF64]

FTI

That’s very kind of you, I got involved with talking about Breast Cancer in Men, because I never wanted anyone else to ever feel so isolated as I did.

If you have that concept with your group, you will never fail.
Peer Lead support is literally walking in the shoes of others, side by side until they feel able to walk alone.

Best wishes

D

[Cherry38]

This is so wonderful PHBF64
There should be support groups for everyone effected by cancer. Its so good to vent and talk about worries and health.
I have heard of the maggies centres. I really think we could do with more in places in Oz. This is why i love these forum’s to chat.
We have the Macrath foundation and olivia Newtown John foundation but they are in different states. Our cancer council are good and we have social workers. But in rural towns its quite hard for people access help.
The maggies centres sound awesome.
I hope you are feeling well lovely. I have been struggling with my chemotherapy this time. I dont know if iam Arthur or marther at the moment .
Take care 🩷

[PHBF64]

Hello Cherry38

I’m saddened to hear your struggling with your current Chemotherapy, Cancer truly is Sh&………
And treatment at times is even more Sh&……

The concept of Maggies was created by a lady called Maggie, who herself had Breast Cancer, she lived in Edinburgh.there was nowhere for her to talk about her condition in a non clinical way.
She and her husband designed a centre where this could take place, manned by professional advisors, staff that had worked in cancer care, and benefit advisors. Sadly Maggie died before the Edinburgh Maggies Centre opened. There are now 26 centres accross the auk and a few in Europe.

Maybe if you wanted to start a conversation, where you live.
Put an advert somewhere inviting people with or affected by cancer who would like to share a conversation to meet up……

Even if one other person turned up, you will have started a movement, and a release for that one person …….

I wish you well with your chemo, that sense of utter confusion will hopefully soon bait off
(((((Big Cyber hug on its way))))))

Kind regards
Take care of you

D

[Cherry38]

Hi PHBF64
Sorry its been an age to reply. I hope you are going well.
Maggies centres sound amazing.
Maggie herself sounded like an amazing strong lady who has helped many after her passing.
A true inspiration.
I start back on chemo on Friday. I was put on antibiotics for a while as i got an infection, but all better now.
I had an amazing surprise last week my brother who i haven’t seen since 2016 flew over from the UK to surprise me. It was very surreal and i couldn’t believe it.
He leaves tomorrow, which will be sad but to spend precious time with him has been a truly wonderful gift.
I wasnt sure if i would see him again as its such a long way.
I have been taken out for lunch daily and i have managed to eat quite well. My pain has been bad but i worked through it as i wanted to spend every moment possible to make memories with my children and their uncle.
I do think though my cancer might of gone into my ribs on the left side as its the same pain i had in the right.
I see my oncologist Thursday so it will be good to talk about it before the chemo.
I have my scans booked in for two weeks time, that should show whats happening.
I never expect anything from scans now as every one i have had, i have progression.
But i am always positive that my oncologist will have a few more tricks up her sleeve for treatments.
All my tests have been sent to Sydney, so hopefully i will have good news about a more catered treatment or clinical trial for me.
Thank you for cyber hug. Sending you one back .
Keep strong and i do hope you have been coping and feeling well.

[steve_ford_author]

I have just posted elsewhere on the forum, however…I have just published a book “Loving Life” A personal perspective on supporting a partner who is undergoing cancer treatment.

As an author I felt compelled to share what worked and what did`nt over the last two and a half years supporting my partner with diagnosis and treatment for Breast Cancer.

More info and details on availability can be found on www.lovinglife.uk

I hope this helps.

[PHBF64]

Cherry38

Stay strong dear lady, I hope the latest round of chemo is kinder to you. I understand your fear of progression linked with Rib pain. I had a lot of that but bone scans all clear and the explanation is radiotherapy can shrink sinue and muscle between ribs and cause extreme pain, I find rubbing in tiger balm cream, gives some relief. Are you on any nerve blocking medication, I’m on Amitriptyline, I was on Gabapentin and pregablin, but they didn’t seem to get to the pain I was experiencing .
I’m glad to hear you had a great time with your Brother who visited you that must have been very uplifting .

Stay strong and check in again soon with an update

Take care of you

Regards
D

[Supportthewife]

Hello All, though a late entry and possible no one is on, i just wanted to tap in to say what a great idea you are offering. I have been supporting my wife with Triple Negative BC now from diagnosis, Chemo (tumour was resistant) mastectomy, radiation, Chemo again, Diep (in two stages) and now monitoring, We went through this on our own as I am from Australia but living and working in The Netherlands. My wife is British Dutch all her family are in UK but none could travel. To not have anywhere to go as a male is very difficult. To not have someone that truely understands what you going through and be able to talk about is one of the hardest parts. Well done and good work. Id love the opportunity to visit one day.