Man, I feel like a woman!

Hi everyone, please forgive me in advance for revealing a little something about myself that perhaps you would prefer not to know but I am so happy - my period started a few days ago and, although I have only had my first dose of Epi-CMF, and that, therefore, this period may very well be my last - I am a borderline 37 year old - just having to put up with the monthly routine, strangely, has made me feel more feminine than I have felt since being diagnosed, never mind the surgery! Of course, I’ve got the hair loss to look forward to yet - expecting it to fall out any day now - but I’m armed with scarves, wigs, and hats and am now stocking up on a range of matching jewellery which should help me get through the pain of losing what little hair I have left now, having had it cut. Vain of me? Yes, probably but I’m indulging my feminine side after years of neglecting it for the tom-boy that I’ve always been. And in the meantime I’m hoping that after all this treatment - surgery, chemo, hormone therapy - in 5 years time I will be able to look back at this as if it didn’t happen to me at all.

I know that chemotherapy can tend to confound the brain - and that not everybody has the time let alone the inclination - but I wonder if anyone has any books that they would recommend we/I read - on anything BC related - and on anything at all -and whether perhaps anyone would be interested in starting an online book club? Anyone interested? Recommendations at all?

Seems I’m coming out of that black hole I’ve been in for a few days.

Look forward to hearing from you with ideas!



Hi Naz
I’ve just bumped an old thread to the top for you.
I asked for things to read and was given a good selection to choose from, You may find something of interest. Its mainly BC related
Happy reading

Hi Naz

Isn’t it great when in among all the grotty days we go through you get good ones as well when you feel bright and confident and feminine. So much of it comes from what’s going on in our heads I reckon, as well as what’s actually happening physically. I have had 4 out of 6 chemos now and one of the great pleasures (OK the only one!) about it has been all the reading I have done. Not breast cancer related, because I did that earlier on. Have read masses of biographies which seems to be my thing. Must say, reading about other people’s lives and hardships and challenges especially from previous centuries constantly makes me feel how lucky I am that I “only” have this to deal with. Don’t know if that makes any sense at all! I don’t know if any of us will be able to look back on this as if it didn’t happen - too life changing for that, but even if we can look back and find postives as well as negatives then that will be a good thing. I know for some people that won’t be possible, because it’s so damn tough. Good luck with your treatment. Sarah

Hi Naz,
Have you seen the book called ‘Cancer Vixen’ I picked it up in waterstones the other day…

Julie xxxx

Thanks, Trish - sorry to be awkward but can you tell me the title of the discussion post that you’ve bumped up - I’ve scanned some of them but haven’t come across any book titles - I’m afraid that the medics neglected to tell me that one of the side effects from which I would suffer was impatience!

Yes, it hit me temporarily early this afternoon - I’m coming down now but I was on a real high earlier! Certainly once I manage to just stop - I seem to have become a master in distracting myself through shopping - I love reading too - biographies are one of my preferences as well. I read an auto-biography when I was very young - it was a birthday present for my mum - called “Will There Really Be a Morning” by an actress of the 1950s called Frances Farmer who was committed to an asylum by her mother - it was really disturbing but it obviously set a precedent. It was an auto-biography, too, (“Love’s Work” by the late Gillian Rose) that, indirectly, led me to study for a PhD, and it was an auto-biography that I read when I was initially diagnosed (“Take off your Party Dress” by the late Dina Rabinovitch). I’m also now delving into the realm of films - waiting for a DVD called “Wit”. Yes, you are right, too life changing for us to forget that this ever happened and that for some people it will be really difficult to find anything positive in the whole experience - I’m just trying to be optimistic, as everyone keeps telling me I should be (and I should!).

Not seen the “Cancer Vixen”, Julie, but will look it up.

I did also come across a book about BC and exercise recently but cannot for the life of me remember the title… Still, if I put my mind to it, I might just find it again - and then I’ll have the perfect excuse to spend some more money I don’t have!

Only another 11 more doses to go but time enough for me to catch up on a bit of reading before I have to return to work!


Hi Naz,
My fault not yours. Its under the title ‘Can anyone recommend books/ periodiacals etc to learn more’. You’ll find it under the current issues/ hot topicics forum.
I’ll bump up again.
I’m starting my first epi-cmf on Weds so will be interested to keep in touch. Also, yes I am an avid reader, and love discussing books, so would be interested in an on-line book discussion .
Hope this helps

Hi Trish, just read the thread - really lively - thank you! I’ve added a comment of my own - or just rambled really - sorry - clearly losing my mind too!

You have your first course tomorrow? I suspect you are feeling a little apprehensive today? How ARE you feeling? I have found the first course bearable and am now looking ahead to the second course next Wednesday. I think alot of my anxiety revolved around the prospect of not being able to get past the receptionists to see a GP if I needed medication urgently - but, fortunately, so far I’ve not needed to see them, yet. The nurse was excellent and explained everything to me while she was administering the drugs. I think it has been the uncertainty of what to expect that has added to my unease and, although I know that each experience can vary, having had one dose of chemo I am less anxious at the prospect of the next dose. Do you have far to travel to get to the hospital?

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and do please let us know how you are progressing. Take care, Naz.