@wibbles so sorry to hear of your hard couple of days. I can’t imagine how difficult that all would have felt. I can feel some optimism shining through your post though, especially the nurses response and your ability to try the grounding strategies. Hope your archaeology progs and good food have helped.
I came to post an extremely low stakes question: how come Docetaxel now has it in for my eyebrows?! I thought I’d dodged that one now I’m getting my hair back!!! 
Hair Loss by Taxels is a definite thing. I was vaguely hoping I might keep one or two eyebrow hairs but nope. The last dose of abraxine snaffled the lot. I miss having eye lashes the most.
Was however surprised to discover this morning a very fine layer of hair on my head when I ran my hand over it. It does not show unless you look in a very good light as it’s all extremely short, fine and pure white. Come to think of it the last time I was very ill in 2020 and my hair came out in clumps Ìt started to grow back as pure white too. I think my colour has run out thanks to chemotheraphy since Feb but adverse reactions meant it did not get fully going till March.
Definatly enjoyed some of the archeology programs younger DD found. will try to read some of the surgery prehab info the theatre nurse gave me yesterday to take away that I could read when I felt I could cope with it. TBH I would trust her to hold my hand in place of DH in the prep for surgery room because she was compassionate, pointed out I had been through an awful lot and was doing everything I could to help myself get well.
I have booked a dental checkup for before I hope to go away and see the Dietician/Nutritionist tomorrow to try and sort out some kind of get fit for surgery diet. I used to love cooking and food, worked in community food share in a community kitchen but Chemotheraphy with all the digestive issues its thrown at me as left me wondering how the heck do I even start to eat again. have started the strengthening excercises and restarted to walk round the block. theatre nurse pointed out she was delighted I was attempting to do anything after she read how ill the side effects from chemo had made me feel and blood transfusions I had needed. been tested for all sorts of heamo disorders as I am at the very upper end of normal clotting time and tend to look a bruised peach on a good day. You have no idea why I am so greatful to have such a lead theatre nurse taking all that so seriously. Currently I am still making myself eat using distraction and I still cannot bear to be in the kitchen let alone open the fridge door. going to ask younger DD to deep clean and sanitise the place with commercial no scent cleaners for me next time she has a couple of days off in a row. see if that helps with the ghastly over sensitive sense of smell curtesy of no nasal hair.
Reminding myself if I can get through chemotheraphy then with the hospital team doing all they can to make surgery as safe as they can for me this time I can somehow do this. DD (nurse) has promised to ensure she comes daily and checks that any drains and dressings are not causing my skin issues. Surgeon has asked for bed space to be reserved for me ‘just in case’ I bled more than normal though aims to try for at most 24 hours stay if my obs are all okay and I can avoid more blood transfusions and avoid pulling anything extra in theatre.
Going to do some light Rage cleaning to point feelings about the necessity of surgery at. TBH for me surgery is far more scary than Chemotheraphy but I remind myself the theatre nurse who booked me in did point out I would not be human if I said I felt fine about the idea of surgery given what has happened in previous ops.
HOpe everyone else facing surgery next is a) doing okay for a given quantity of okay and b) hope you also get supportive hospital teams who help you feel they have your, back.
My eyebrows have been jumping ship for a while now, same as my hair. I was hoping the taxal would slow it down but it hasnt unfortunately (apart from my leg hairs!) Its all been steadily getting thinner every day and I am very ready for that to stop soon.
Of course its normal to be worried about surgery @wibbles and in your case I am not suprised. Although the last few months you and your medical team have gotten to know your body really really well which gives you a great footing with surgery. It wont be long now and you’ll be able to look back on all this and relax a little
I spent the whole day yesterday getting chores done. Dusting, polishing, hoovering, sorting out draws. I definitely wore myself out a little and the fatigue when I woke up this morning was real!
I am determined at the moment though. Determined not to let the fatigue in. I do rest lots but I want to be fighting fit for surgery on the 23rd so today I went out for a walk anyway and actually I do feel a bit better.
Get those steps in if you can everyone 
Anything you can manage to help you get a little bit fitter will help your recovery @foxgem . Enjoy the walks as they sound a lot more fun than housework.
Yes absolutely everything helps, even if today I only managed walking in my garden for a bit. And it was definitely nicer than house work haha
Thanks for the encouragement and lovely to hear you’re feeling motivated! You look great in your photo 
I managed to do the walk uphill to work after dropping my daughter at holiday club yesterday, and back to pick her up at the end of the day; and today, I have returned to riding my bike to work after 2 months! I gave it up when I was on EC and felt mildly hungover all the time, didn’t feel like I had any reaction times to speak of. So today I took my beautiful e-cargo bike to work via my favourite bike shop to get it’s brakes checked. Made me feel good to use my body. I’ll cycle it home later and might even take my kid to holiday club on it tomorrow, assuming it gets a clean bill of brake health. We’ll see how ready I feel to add 19.5kg to the back of the bike… !
Wow that’s an amazing effort! Well done @felineoptimist
TodayI have discovered where my dh and younger DD never do cleaning. The dust bunnies have become generational and feral. Went for a walk in my garden to try to get into the headspace to try and eat after. STill not being able to face food is a ridiculous state of being. Dietician has confirmed I can take my eldest DD to appointment to tomorrow as she asked if she could join in as she has to help prep long stay patients for life changing surgeries and has an idea of the food that might help. At this point I have dropped four sizes and all my clothes are hanging off me. Currently living on fried eggs, GF chips, special K cereal orange juice and apples as anything else makes me feel sick and tastes really bad. Only a good latte tastes anything like. thank all that is good I have another five weeks and two blood tests to go to try and pick up on all the stuff Chemotheraphy has stopped my body from being able to absorb. Have agreed to mineral infusions where needed and blood transfusions if they do not pick up in time. Still hoping I can avoid needing those and thus spending the weekends in hospital.
Been working on a double drain bag design for DDs patients after she was stunned that the BCN are given endless drain bags to give to help BC masectomy patients and she has to do what she can with patients property plastic bags. I had to stop adding to my growing collection of knitted knockers. Gone back to knitting i/v cardis at a special re guest for the NNICU nurses working in HDU. I would love to go back to the real work l did but peripheral neuropathy, this rounds side effect with knobs on, makes fine hand embroidery too difficult.
Hope you are able to eat a better diet as you get yourself as ready as you can for surgery. Truly hoping all goes well for you and you can get home to be with your family for August. Do enjoy walking in the slightly cooler summer weather.
Wow, That is impressive @felineoptimist.
Lots to catch up on so sorry if I missed anything !
Lots been going on for you @wibbles - sounds like some progress in lots of key things though for your surgery. I guess feeling some level of control about what will happen, what the contingency is and that they understand your history and allergy reactions is very important and sounds like it’s covered - just got to get that eating sorted now.
Good to see you out and about @foxgem. I’m trying but I’ve been having hospital appointments galore which, combined with still being 2 weeks in from last chemo is making me quite tired. I’m trying to walk when I can and do things around the house. I also had a hair cut yesterday ! I was a bit worried about it but actually I think it’s helped - my hairdresser was fab and I now felt a bit more like me. The cut actually helped to make my hair look a bit thicker on top and it certainly felt normal going to see a hairdresser !
I’m the same with the stubborn leg hair @foxgem and also no/sparse eyebrows @felineoptimist post Docetaxel and sore and watery eyes from lack of eyelashes. Really is the gift that keeps on giving 
That’s brilliant - I’m super impressed @felineoptimist but I bet it also made you feel a bit more like you which is priceless
Thank you for the post surgery tip @2kittens. You’ve still got a lot to get through and I’m sorry to hear your feelings about your surgery. It’s such a difficult thing to decide in what feels like a limited amount of time and with all the other feelings going on about having cancer in 2 places. I guess you did what felt right at the time. I hope future options open up to you but I imagine that might be hard to know at the moment.
Good to hear radiotherapy not too onerous - interesting the idea of the first one when it’s just you, the machine and all the thoughts swirling around in your head. I can see how that might trigger tears. I hope you’re doing ok
Docetaxel hit my brows and lashes HARD once I’d finished no advice but you aren’t alone
Well today was number 9 and apart from the first it’s been absolutely fine!
I learned in my radiotherapy review yesterday that the first time the machine goes round it’s actually taking a low resolution CT scan. Each day they compare that scan to the first to make sure you’re in the perfect position. It also meant when I spoke to the radiographer yesterday on the phone and mentioned swelling and worse cording, they compared my most recent treatment scan with the planning one. She could see there’s a change & is referring my to physio after I finish treatment.
Does anyone else have radiotherapy planned?
Mine too @katie91. My eyes still sore and watery. How about you ? Have they started to feel a bit better now ? Xx
I’ve liberated some of my husbands Blephasol to use and also using Hycosan eye drops to help .
Well I didn’t know about that. It’s sometimes good to know what happening when we’re being zapped. I know I will have to have it but need to have surgery and get clear margins first so still some time away for me. Glad to know you’ve been ok so far though
That’s good to know! I have radiotherapy planned three weeks after end of chemo. Need 15 sessions but requested to be considered for the fast forward trial reducing it to 5 sessions over five days, hoping I get a spot.
Not posted on here much but I lurk and keep up with everyone. Had my surgery today.. lumpectomy and it all went smoothly and quickly, despite me being terrified. Was able to walk around within about an hour, and no pain so far, just a bit of discomfort occasionally.
Will see how I feel over the next few days. Good luck to everyone with surgery coming up soon
