Marriage break up - Long Post

Hello All.
New to the forumand already feel a little relief from reading your posts. My partner Han 29 was diagnosed 2 and a half years ago, had chemo, radio and is now on the dreaded Tamoxifen or FAT PILLS as she calls them. At the start we just got on with it and things were going well, but the last year or so has been a great strain. I think it began with Han not liking herself anymore, looking in the mirror saying " Im fat" yes she has put on some weight but nothing major. She gets all the usual symptoms and the physical side of our relationship burnt out a while back, this was hard initially for me to cope with but again Im here to help her. We recently got married which was great, but just recently she said we should split because she doesnt want me to have to go through things with her. She is always tired and doesnt have much confidence, which I’m sure is making her depressed.

Throughout the treatments Han or both of us have never been to talk to a professional on how to deal with our lives and relationships, and I think this maybe the issue. Han believes the professionals ie breast cancer nurses cannot help and refuses to see them, but I think its worth a try. These professionals must see cases like ours everyday. Does anyone have any advice for me/us on the counselling side or even if this happened to them how did they get through it? We’ve been togther for ten years and I dont want this to beat us!!!

Sorry one more thing, perhaps partrners could help me here. I’ve been looking into depression and think I’m carrying all the signs of a partner who is dealing with the BC but has also become depressed, I think this may be also making our lives hard to cope with. So any comments on this would be much appreciated.

Sorry foe the long post but I’m really concerned and going out of my mind

i feel for you my friend,i no its quite hard for us to understand and to come to terms with a life threatening illness and
the feelings you and your partner have can change,i really do believe that if you can talk to someone who has experianced this nasty illness will help you,try to talk your BC nurse she will understand and most of all will listen to you,i do know how you feel ive gone through every kind of emotion in the last few weeks but im trying to be strong i know it can be hard hope this helps a little
thanks simon

Thank you Simon,

I guess I was always being the macho man about it and now me and my partner have all the problems starting to burst from a stressed heads. Just through doing some searches I have read so many articles on this subject and there are other people out there with the same issues. I just hope its not too late.
I think the main thing for me is that we have never really talked about BC and what effects its having on our lives. Life just goes on and any issues you have with each other never come out until you reach boiling point.
I do feel guilty for not talking to my wife about it more but I just thought I was doing the right thing!!! Inside I am so scared of losing her and this doesnt help anyone, Im so glad I ve finally realised this and talking about it with her and a professional should get us through this!!!
Thanks again, its so nice to know someone is thinking about MY issues during this lonely time!!!
Good Luck
Craig

Dear Craig

I have added a link to a Breast Cancer Care publication “In it together” for partners of people with breast cancer that you may find helpful at this difficult time.
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/inittogether_web_0.pdf

Kind Regards
Louise
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hello All,

We,ve made a breakthrough!!! After a long talk being open and honest things are looking good. For the first time we have actually talked properly about BC and this has really helped us both!!! We both feel like a weight has been lifted from us and our relationship can begin to breath again. I am going to see my doctor just to talk things through as I still feel signs of being depressed. At the same time I feel I have my wife back and life looks great.

I would like to thank all the brave people who post on this forum and the professionals who I 've listened to lately, knowing theres hundreds of families, couples and single people out there experiencing these issues made me realise many things. I just wish I’d discovered these outlets upon diagnosis!!! Instead of bottling up all my emotions and getting to such a scary situation of possible divorce.
THANK YOU ALL
Craig