I can’t believe I am packing for the hospital - after waiting for 5 weeks since discovering the lump something is actually happening. What mixed emotions I have had already today - I have cried for nearly an hour now positive again but can feel the tears threatening - I can’t believe it I have been so positive for the past few weeks and now feel I am about to ‘crash and burn’ at the very last. Trying to keep calm, get organised (have made sure cupboards and fridge are full), also have packed all the hallowe’en bags for the kids who come trick or treating, organised my son’s costume, etc. as I will still be in hospital on Saturday, now cleaning the house and making sure no washing/ironing left - nothing like puting a bit of pressure on yourself.
I’ll be honest I am scared - of losing my breast, of what they will find, of the operation itself - as I am sure everyone is but feeling the strain today, but also relieved the lump is going to be removed and this is my first step towards recovery.
Anyone at the same stage as me - I have not had any chemo/rads until after my op - also not have recon until I am all better.
Will post again once I am home and feel like ‘tapping into my lifeline’
Wishing you good luck for your op tomorrow. I had a bilateral mastectomy in July and was absolutely terrified of the op and all the other things you’re fearing. However, it really wasn’t as bad as I’d anticipated and I was back home the day after my op! As for losing my breasts; it really didn’t take long to adapt to my new appearance and I now can’t remember what it was like to have breasts! I’m now 2/3 of the way through chemo and coming to the end of the journey, and you will be there before you know it too!
Lots of hugs, Caro xxx
hi fortysomething, I was actually relieved when the operation was over and they got the bugger out, I am further down the line, ive just finnished rads.
hi fortysomething i just want to say i felt the same as carol just wanted it out of me i was only in 24 hrs as my surgeon didnt put a drain in ive had to go over the clinc twice to have a seroma drained but they are saying it saves infection and is a lot easier for us emm not to sure about that you will be fine gd luck hope all goes well let us know asap how you are doing big hug laura xx
The important thing here is to be confident of what you are doing and have made an informed decision and that your consent will be valid and informed.
The op is nothing, the consequences of the op are something else entirely.
As you will have read some women “celebrate” getting the anxiety behind them and feel “well rid” to some extent. For others it is a huge trauma to have a breast amputated and life, as you now know it, will never be quite the saame again.
Eyes wide open or don’t sign on the dotted line. You can still change your mind after signing the consent form - they won’t tell you that of course.
Presumably there was no option for WLE, lumpectomy, quadrantectomy or any other kind of breast conserving surgery? Some surgeons just won’t conserve.
Do bear in mind that to some extent all breast surgery is diagnostic i.e. they don’t know for sure what is there until it is sent to the experts.
I’m at a similar stage, I was diagnosed on 15th October. I am having sentinel node biopsy next Tuesday, mastectomy 17th Nov however I have opted to have reconstruction at the same time.
I too am very scared thought I was doing OK, until I had pre-op at hospital yesterday and now all feels very real and very scary. Trying very hard to stay positive but a sadness just keeps washing over me.
I think it may be that the waiting is the worst and the fear of the unknown.
fortysomething: hope you are feeling well after your op, its a relief to get it over with, and I felt exactly the same way.
hill2boy: I think the waiting is the worst, on the run up to the op I didnt know whether I should be thinking about it to try and get my head round it, or put it out of my mind. The waiting is defo the worst, looking back I think the best think is to try not to think too deeply about it at this stage. Best of luck for 17th. take care
I was diagnosed in June 2009 (one month after my 50th birthday) and given a biopsy in July and sentinel node biospy in September. Five months today and I still have no date yet for my mastectomy but I know it will be before Christmas. I’ve also got a lump which I have had since May and which has got bigger but the Breast Care Nurse has said it is nothing to worry about and is scar tissue from my biospsy.
For me, it is the waiting and when I see my consultant I will ask for a date to be confirmed. It will be mastectomy and complete lymph node removal plus reconstruction using the back muscle and fat plus a small implant then it will be radiotherapy and chemo. I really didn’t want an implant just my own muscle and fat but I haven’t got enough.
I’ve got my husband’s family coming for Christmas Day, Boxing Day and the 27th along with my children so I hope it is all over by then.