Hello there shelley i just want to thank you so much , the comments you sent to me have been so helpfull , you explained exacly how ime feeling and that is priceless in helping me put things into prospective , thankyou so much shelley , big hugs xxxxx jackie

Hello there Jackie,

Oh, I felt for you so much when I read your first post here, so I’m really glad that what I wrote was helpful to you. Things will start to feel better for you, but to coin a phrase, it’s early days for you as yet, so you need to give yourself plenty of tlc, cos you’ll have times when things feel worse, and then other days when for no apparent reason, things don’t feel anywhere as bad. I used to call them “blue sky” times, when things didnt feel as bad, and I used to wish I could bottle the blue sky times for when I was going through a bad patch. Lol!

Please post on here any time you want to - there are some lovely, special people on here, and it’s great that you can come on here any time day or night.

Take care of yourself Jackie, and much love n a big ((((hug))))) to you!

Shelley xxx

hello shelley the sleep fairies have abandoned me tonight , its been like this for a few days now, i like to come to this site because everyone is so kind and know what eachother is going through, dont suppose you know do you shelley when it is that you are able to start getting your emotions in check, right now i never know where i am ,ime fine one minuite ,feeling quite possitive and the next out of nowhere i cant stop the tears , its driving me bloody mad does any of you lovely ladies carry on like this or i am just a complete basket case , thanks shelley and you lovely ladies , jackie xxxxx

Hello there Italia,

Sorry I’ve only just seen your post, else I would have replied by now.

So sorry you’re not sleeping very well. Italia, I’m sure it’s not just you that feels fine one minute n really tearful the next. It’s not long since your surgery, and your emotions and your body itself are still coming to terms to what’s happened. The diagnosis is such a shock in itself, and then your body has undergone the surgery and the anaesthetic, and that’s without the huge change in your body appearance.

You aren’t a basket case at all Italia - just someone trying to come to terms with everything, so be kind to yourself, and maybe you could talk to your GP or Bcn for reassurance that it’s quite normal to feel like this. If the not sleeping became a problem, or if you felt you were becoming overwhelmed by your emotions, there’s lots of help out there for you, so dont be afraid to ask.

You’re right about posting on here as well, the kind words that people leave each other really help!

With much love,
Shelley xxx

Hello Everyone,

I came on this thread to post for myself, but saw Jackie (Italia’s) post so have responded to that. Am now hesitating to post for me, cos I don’t want her to think she’s going to feel like she is doing for ever. You’re not Jackie, but every so often, the bloomin body image thing raises its head, n just for a little while, you feel really down again.

That’s happened to me since yesterday evening - n over something really simple too. I bought new pj’s. The top is round necked n lovely soft tshirt material in pretty design.

I’m going away overnight this weekend, n decided I wanted to wear this - am sharing room with female friend who knows I’ve had bc, n she’s seen me in baggy nightwear without prosthesis.

But this top really shows my missing breast, and I’m only 34B. I decided to sew ribbon vertically inside, so that I can wear softie, and that’s worked a bit, but when I move, it moves with me, so I think it probably looks worse than no breast.

But, it’s brought up for me again about my body image. I thought I’d got over hating seeing myself in nightwear without prosthesis/softie. Am really missing my breast again, but dont want reconstruction.

Spoke to lovely lady on BCC helpline this morning - was crying n just really upset. She suggested crop top in bed with softie in place when I go away. i’m going to get one this afternoon, but will probably just take more baggy nightwear with me this weekend.

It’s silly really, but I just wanted to wear that top n it be baggy enough not to have to wear softie etc in bed. Body image - you think you’re ok about it, n then suddenly it rears its ugly head again. Feeling very weepy - I’ve been here before n got thru it, so I know I will again, but feel upset just now.

I really wish I could be like ladies on the “Wearing bra for remaining breast but no prosthesis” thread - I think they’re so brave to go prosthesis free and feel comfy with themselves about it.

Just could do with some friendly words if someone can reply please.

Much love to Everyone!
Shelley xxx

Oh gosh, my wobble/weepytime seems to be over now thankfully, n am feeling a lot better. Just shows how you can think you’re ok, then it all comes back again for a little while, like for me today!

Much love to you all!
Shelley xxx

Poor Shelly I am so glad you rang the Helpline. We all get our down days and they really are down . I had mine last week. Not about the mastectomy but pain. All better by the next day but always close to the surface ready to surprise us without notice.
Amoena do bras with lace inserts and also camisoles with bras and pockets included. I got one today. Their stuff is made in Germany and is good quality. You might be a candidate for a stick on prosthesis in the future. Do get a well fitted bra it does make a difference. You can get night clothes with pockets that too might be worth trying.
I thought I would not want reconstruction, but I had a call from the oncologist today asking me if I would want it in the future. The radiotherapy would be over a longer period if this was the case. It had brought me up short and made me think. Have I closed the door! At first all I wanted was to get rid of it.
Best wishes for the future it is such a minefield.
Cackles xc

Hello Cackles, Oh what a lovely reply - thankyou so much! Yes, the helpline were wonderful, so if there’s any mods reading, please pass this onto the helpline staff if you can! Just can’t believe how upset I’ve been today, and you’re right, cos it just comes up again out of the blue. Still, at least I’m feeling more positive again now.

I’ve got some of the M&S bras that have the lace insert, but they dont seem to look right on me, but I think I’ll try the Amoena ones because like you, I really like Amoena bras. They’re really well made, and you feel really well supported and comfy in them dont you!

I spoke to my bcn about a stick on prosthesis a few weeks ago. I’ve had my existing Trulife prosthesis for a year ago now, so can’t have another on NHS for two more years. But the bcn says they have the same Amoena prostheses in stock - but without the “sticky bit”, so would be able to fit me with the right size, then I could just buy from Amoena online. I’m in a health scheme where I can get back 75% of the cost of it, but recently I’ve had a scar line biopsy, and it turned out to be something called telangiectasis (spelling?), and although the biopsy site is healed, the telangiectasis seems to be coming back again. I dont know whether a stick on prosthesis is a good idea - I’ll find out a bit more about telangiectasis first, but I know it’s a benign condition and is deformed blood vessels due to radiotherapy 10yrs ago.

I’d looked at the camisoles you mention, but had been doing so well at being able to look at myself in nightwear without a softie/prosthesis in place - but given that I could have some more weepy days from time to time, think I’ll treat myself to a couple of camisoles and some nightwear.

Cackles, I do wish you well in your decision whether or not to have the radiotherapy over a longer period of time, in case you do decide to go for reconstruction eventually. I’ve always been so sure I didnt want it, but I must admit when I saw myself with the softie under the pj top last night, it did look nice to see two mounds down there, so perhaps in a year or two I might change my mind.

Decisions! I guess it’s nice to have them, but it really is such a minefield like you say! Take care Cackles, and best wishes for your future too!

With much love!
Shelley xxx

Hi Shelley, I break my heart over my deformed body all the time. I suppose I’m starting to get used to it BUT I shall NEVER accept it. IYKWIM.

M&S do a pyjama top that is a cami with a shelf in - the staff know what it is if you ask; one of them told me about it.

It’s cheaper than their usual shelf vests but sadly only comes in cream, baby pink (yuk) or baby blue(yuk). I wish it came in dark colours like black. I wore the cream one with the softie tucked inside when my seroma was sore and it also makes a nice night top - I don’t feel confident enough to go to sleep ‘nakie’ with my OH yet - isn’t that so sad?

Hello Ninja

We’ve chatted before on here haven’t we, and thanks for this post. It’ll be lovely when you can sleep “nakie” with your OH again, but it’s just got to be the right time for it hasn’t it! I really hope the right time for you isnt too long in coming, Ninja, cos yes, it’s just really sad how bc plays such havoc with how we feel about ourselves in such personal ways.

Thanks for telling me about the M&S pj top - I’ve not seen it, so will call in and have a look this week. Yes, it’s a shame they dont do it in black, but the cream one sounds nice!

With much love,
Shelley xxx

That’s the chappie

I wore it as a foundation garment when my seroma was huge.

That looks good ninja . Sainsbury’s also do something similar with room for a softie in cream , beige white and there may be a black. I will check next week . I think they were £7 they also do vests come camisole in packs of two all sorts of colours navy black red blue white, which hold a softie in place because they are slightly elasticated I use them all the time to help with my swollen ribs.
Telanjectasia should not get any worse with a stick on. Ask Amoema. I am sure I had patients who had odd problems but still has stick ons, They have a shop but it is near Southampton. But you could always make a day of it and go to Gunwarf in Portsmouth for bargains there!!!y
Good shopping girls.

Thanks for the link Ninja. I’m going shopping in M&S for a couple of them, as they look like they’ll be great for night times for me with a softie!

Cackles, thanks for the advice about a stick on prosthesis. It’s funny you should mention about Southampton, cos I’ve just been thinking today I might book an overnight trip down that way. I live up in the north, but could make a short break of it, n do some Christmas shopping at the same time.

Love to Everyone!
Shelley xxx

I Can recommend the Devere hotel . We went there for the weekend two weeks after my bilateral so I could go to Amoena for bras and gunwharf for Crew, Ralph Lauren and Lakeland leather. I live near Oxford.
Good food in Hotel and bistros at Gunwarf. Plenty to do. Boats for boys shops for girls!! Good winter break. Nice shops on Isle of Wight in Cowes.
I would try Asda and Sainsbury’s they do have good vests which can hold a softie, I had a bilateral so it is easier. You could ask Amoena for a patch test bit to try out.
The bras with the lace tops do give security if you bend folward.
Have a good hunt

Cackles, you are brilliant! Thanks ever so much for all those suggestions. I feel a major shopping trip coming on - lol!!

Lots of love,
Shelley xxx

hello shelley , thankyou so much for your kind words , you seemed to b able to identify just what ime going through at the moment and i think you might be right that ime probebly trying to push myself all the time , ime trying to get used to only having one breast but like you said its very hard when it plays on your mind , and you have to look at the mess it is at the moment but its reasuring that the site does look better in time , i decided that i dont want reconstruction as its just not for me but who knows what the future will bring , thankyou again shelley you took the time to post to me when you are suffering yourself and having a bad time , i hope we can all help eachother through these dark days, hope you have a blue sky day tomorrow . big hug love jackie xxxx

Hello Jackie,

I’m so glad you came on here tonight cos I’ve been thinking about you today. I hesitated before putting my post on here about how I was feeling, cos I didnt want to put you off cos I was having an off day, but as it is, I’m feeling so much better. When you feel the worst, you think it’s always going to be like that - n just like I’m feeling so much better now than I did earlier - you’ll begin to feel a little better about your appearance. Its such early days for you as yet, and I can really relate to how you’re feeling, cos I remember how I felt this time last year.

My scar line looks brilliant now, and hopefully yours will with some more time. We’re all different to each other, but I just wanted to tell you your body will change a lot over the next few months - it doesnt stay like that honest, so I think you’ll be more accepting of your scar site area over time.

It’s just a horrible and sad journey that we take, and we’re all so individual - for those who are like you and me, reconstruction isnt an option as yet, and perhaps forever, and for other people, it’s important to be able to have an immediate reconstruction. But, I’ve never ever met a group of people like on here, who are just so lovely, and we’re all accepting of each other, and just so kind. I really dont know what I’d have done without this website, because my work is very demanding and quite strenuous & its only the lovely people on here that really understand that things dont become normal again after treatment is completed.

So Jackie, take care of yourself, and I really do hope you manage to sleep better tonight. Its so tempting to push ourselves forward, but this is YOUR recovery time, and you need to treat yourself as caringly and nicely as I bet you have done in the past with people close to you!

With lots of love, and a big (((hug)))
Shelley xxx


I too struggle at times with my Mx scar, and image. Most days I am ok and then it hits me that this is forever. I am 53 and do not usually have a problem with body image, take me as I am or s**d off!! but I totally understand how you ladies are feeling.

I have thought about it long and hard and when I have a bad day I think to myself that I am just grateful to be alive. I think of my list of pros and cons.

I want be with my hubby, kids and my grandson. I want to watch him grow up and my youngest is only 16, I don’t want to leave my family so I think to myself OK no breast but no cancer either!!!

Don’t know if this helps anybody else but it sure helps me to rationalise what has happened.

I took my life for granted before all this but not now, no day is worth wasting so enjoy everyday and make it count, I don’t want reconstruction I just want to live.

Best wishes to you all M

hello shelley , ime glad you had a happier day today , it helps so much to know that your not alone and all the lovely ladies on this site offer so much help and support to each other, it really does get us all through this hard journey , went to see my BCN today to get my dressing changed again and halleluya (oh hell cant spell )my mx site is finaly healing so no more cancellations for my further treatment ,also went to the holistic centre for my first relaxation session and i must say that i was very sceptical about this and it took some persuading for me to go but ime glad i did because i felt so much more optimustic and in a smiley mood afterwoods thats lasted all day ,booked my next appointment and il be going back ,its something for other ladies to think about that just need some extra TLC to help us along ,i hope things are going ok for you today shelley and not to many bumps in the road , hello applestreet, you said some really wise words in your post and your so right none of us want to leave the ones we love we just want to live and love , ime 54 and although i live alone now i have my family and my grandchildren ,so take care lovely ladies and thankyou for getting me through the last few days your fab , BIG HUGS XXXX jackie


I’ve had a much better day today - can’t believe how much I cried yesterday, and I guess there’ll still be further times when I feel like that again, but I’ve just made the most of feeling so much happier today. I’ve had a lovely chilled out day today. It’s been so different to yesterday, and I’m just so glad of all you lovely people on here, and that we have these forums to come on.

Applestreet, your post was really lovely, and really brings it home just who we have in the way of special people round us such as family and friends.

Jackie, your relaxation session sounds to have been really uplifting - glad you’ve been in a smiley mood since it. Fantastic!

With much love to everyone!
Shelley xxx