It was five years this week since I had a mastectomy and I haven’t got used to it. I feel worse than ever about it. I hate putting a prosthesis in my bra - why should I? I should have two boobs not just one.
Am dieting so I can get to an healthy weight for reconstuction but even then it won’t be my ‘proper’ boob.
Sorry for sounding self-pitying but I can’t get used to being like this.
Have you tried the contact adhesive type prostheses? They have made a huge difference to me. They have really been quite life changing.
I agree. Having suffered the mental anguish of wearing an ordinary prosthesis in a bra pocket for over 2 years I discovered by accident on this site that these were available and am trying one now.
There’s a thread about it in this section of the forum.
Hi Fluffy
Iknow how you are feeling.
It will be two years this Sept. since i had the mastectomy, and i have not got used to it at all!
Due to have my second lot of recon this year, but wish so much that i had my own breasts back.
xx
I’ve read about the adhesive ones but don’t think they’ll be any good to me as I’m 46J. Can’t see how it’d stay attached but might be wrong. Do they make you hot?
I’m relieved I’m not the only person who can’t accept what has happened. Friends say they forget I’ve had a matectomy. I wish I could!!
Elaine
I think unless someone has had a mastectomy, they cannot possibly understand how it feels for a woman.
It is a hard thing to deal with, and not something which can easily be forgotten just like that in my opinion and own experience.
All the best.
Naz
Elaine - I have a friend who is very big busted and she is able to wear a contact breast with no problem at all.
It is amazing how they stay put - I swim in mine and leap about all day with my little boy. I don’t get hot at all.
The people at Amoena are very helpful - give them a ring and see what they recommend for your size.
hi fluffy,
i had mx in november 2010, i am having 2nd one done later this year probably,
i cannot come to terms with the way i look either,
its not so much the prosthesis, or comfy, its quite simply the fact i havent got my breast anymore,
maybe you never accept it, you just put up with it,
i am not going to say i know how you feel, i dont, i know how i feel and it isnt good,
there will always be that loss, even with reconstruction it isnt the same is it,
its about trying to find a way to put up with it, thats my personal feeling anyway.
sending you (((hugs))) and kind thoughts liz xxxx
Thanks for all your replies. It makes me feel ok to feel upset at not having a boob. Felt like I was the only one. I think whatever prosthesis I wear I won’t be happy. Just the actual putting it in the bra is upsetting for me. It doesn’t feel right. I hate this time of year as there are boobs everywhere and I have to cover up. Yet another reminder of what has happened.
Thanks for the hug - it was just what I needed. Elaine xx
Hi fluffy,
I know…
((((hugs)))))))Liz xxxx
Hugs for you Fluffy.
It is hard isn’t it…
At least we are all here to support one another.
xxx
I know what you all mean. Just been to vote and even the girl giving out the ballot papers had loads of cleavage on show! Convinced myself that my OH was looking at her boobs (he probably was - you couldn’t miss them!)
Hugs
Maude xx
Ha ha Maude…
Even i find myself looking at other people’s boobs - talk about obsessed!
xx
Hi Fluffy
I am 5 and a half yrs since mastectomy and still think back to the days when i had my boob.Unless you have had a mastectomy you just don’t understand do you?
Recent things that have made me anxious are, going to a hen doo which was at a center parcs spa. I had got a costume a few yrs before and the stupid foam prosthesis was not the right size and i looked ‘odd’. Invested in a swim form this time and it was brilliant.
This last week went for a upper back massage, had to explain to the young woman doing it i had had a mastectomy, don’t know if she had seen a woman with one before, hugely apologetic and embarassed I was.
Everyone sees our faces and everyone comments on how well we are BUT they do not realise what we have lost, sexually and cosmetically and practically.
I don’t feel we have enough help and understanding after a mastectomy from this site or anyone else.
Rxx
Hi
I recently had a diep recon and have realised i will probable never have the confidence to have a spray tan again, sometimes it’s the smaller things in life.
T
Hi
I had mine in Sept 10 so not so long ago & still in treatment - RADS to go but I am struggling with it all. I am sure small breasted women struggle too but as I am a 40F I just feel so lopsided. I am planning to have a recon but want to wait at least a year to get my life back on track a bit first. I am lucky my OH truly doesn’t mind what I look like, in fact he was relieved when I went from a WLE to MX as he felt it meant the cancer was really gone but I honestly hate it & think other people just don’t know what it feels like. they think you can just loose this most symbolic part of your body & be grateful you live!!
I am also worried even the recon won’t be the same so will just have to come to terms with it I suppose but it feels like such a long road
Xjo X
I had my mx last October and desperately wanted a recon at the same time, but couldn’t due to needing RADs. I HATE putting my stupid prothesis in its box at night and then looking like a deformed lopsided freak. My husband also doesn’t mind and keeps pointing out that I would still love him if he had to have something removed. When I’ve been really down and crying, I have said I want my boob back - this rather than wanting ses of chemo to go away or hair to grow. My onc now says I can’t have the recon until after herceptin, and I haven’t even started that yet, so recon is going to be more than a year away.
I’m worried that they will want to do a reduction on my remaining boob and I don’t want that messed with. Not because I’m bothered about about being big breasted (42D) but because I think if there is nothing wrong with the remaining one, then they should leave it alone.
It’s really hard isn’t it.
I know how you all feel, and unless you have been through the trauma of losing a breast, no-one can even begin to understand what it feels like.
I so miss my old body, all i want sometimes, is for it to be back the way it is, and for the stupid lump to have never grown!
hello there girls ide like to share my experience of losing my breast with you ,your so right everyone tells me how well i look , i only had my mastectomy 4 weeks ago , ime still going to the hospital to see BCN who tells me its all wonderfull but the truth is , it isnt bloody wonderfull its horrific and ugly , ime all mis shapen and cant even bare to massage the area ime asked to do it looks so bad , i cry for my breast , my sexuality , my confidence , i dont know weather anyone else has experienced this but its kind of like i feel i shouldnt complain and i should be gratefull which gods honest truth i am but i still cant shake off such sadness either , sorry for the moan girls , lots of hugs jackie xxxx
Hello there Jackie
You’ve signed your post “lots of hugs” - n I’m sending big gentle hugs back to you, cos you really need them right now!!
I had my mx this time last year, and couldn’t believe what a crater it left, as my boob had only been little. To top it off, I had lots of bruising as I’d had a large haematoma removed afterwards, and they’d put pressure dressings on to help whilst I was in hospital, but it still left lots of bruising. So, I can understand how you’re feeling when you look down and see your mx site.
I’ve chosen never to have reconstruction - my biggest problem wasn’t looking at the scar, but seeing myself in nightwear without a boob on that side.
We might be different in some ways, in regards to what worries us most about mx, but within that, so many people including me, can relate to how you’re feeling right now. You’re not alone Jackie, but you are very unhappy and upset and grieving for the breast you’ve lost, and how your body has changed.
And like you say, its not just the physical changes is it, it’s about your confidence and your sexuality.
If you can’t bear to massage the area, don’t - you’ll only make yourself more upset, and that’s no good. But if you really, really feel you want to do as they’re asking you, how about putting some cream on a thin piece of cotton, and just laying it on the scar, and then wear say a tshirt. I wondered if then you might just be able to lightly tap yur fingers over the area, just as if you were lightly playing a piano.
You might think me mad for what I’ve written in the last paragraph. Sorry if so - I was just thinking how you may be able to come to terms with just touching the area a little, without having to look at it. But, ignore me if it’s not right for you, cos you just dont need any extra upset right now Jackie. You sound so upset - I think at one point I wrote an angry post/thread entitled something like “I want my breast back”, and I felt really tearful as I was writing it - just like you sound in your writing.
Don’t try to shake off your sadness Jackie - you’ve done really great in letting some of it out here, and you’re not moaning honest!
Lastly, my scar looks a lot better a year on - no swelling now, and my cavity stopped looking as big once the bruising had gone (n it took ages to go!), so what I’m trying to say is that your body appearance will change a lot over time, but it’s the right now that’s important, so please post here as often as you need, and I hope that some of what I’ve said helps. I’m sure there’ll be others along soon to offer their support too!
With much love to you Jackie!
Shelley xxx