Hello everyone!
I hope everyone is doing ok and able to enjoy this lovely weather we are having.
I had a little bit of a sad start to the day, very teary and sobbed for about an hour. I just got so fed up with everything, fustrated that this is happening to me and feel like there is no end to treatment. In hind sight its very silly because I know that I am over half way through now, I only have 7 more chemo treatments 
and officially have done more chemo than what I have left to do. But 7 weeks in my head seems so far away and I cant take being at home much longer. The boredom is next level and find myself doing things like sorting out the cupboards just to pass the time 
.
Side effects are really minimal at the moment, apart from the hot flushes, night sweats and occasional nausea but was able to visit the local garden centre yesterday and have some lunch with my partner which was nice.
Just got to remain positive! This is a rubbish rollercoaster of emotions and Iād like to get off!
@glitteryrainbow I absolutely get you and feel the same. I can have a lovely day or few hours then something, a stray thought, an advert, a facebook post, will set me off in to a teary mess. I have to tell myself its temporary, it will get better and be kind to myself. It doesnāt usually work but I try!
How amazing to be over halfway through chemotherapy though! We definitely have to find the positives. Iām loving my decluttered house, wondering if I could become a professional organiser after this (probably not 
)
Keep going, we will get there xx
Every day is a battle but got to take the small wins and achievements when we can!
I find at the moment, any talk about the future sends me into a spiral and I become a crying mess. Like today, my partner asked me āif you could go to the Olympics next time, what sports would you watch?ā And I just cried . I know that this is just temporary and just a bump in my very long (life) road but feels like its a mountain atm!
Im really glad and proud to be half way through chemotherapy! We will all achieve amazing things 
So at my review my neutrophils were low 1.3 and they want 1.5 before chemo. So waiting for final blood results from the lab tomorrow and will then know if chemo is going ahead on weds or if I need more filgrastim injections or if itās delayed. They think itās a result of the virus I had as theyāve also been pretty back to normal before chemo in the past. They were amazed my doctors nor a and e gave me any precautionary antibiotics.
Sorry to hear some are feeling very low. Itās a tough journey that is different for everyone and never goes in a straight line. Iām sending the biggest hugs to everyone 
with an imaginary slice of cake a cuppa or a glass of something stronger whatever your preference x
After chemo itās 5 more herceptin until November and tamoxifen. I suppose I will have to think about going back to work sometime soon. My sick note runs out in 6th September but they have honoured extended sick leave on full pay until end Oct which will be 6 months in total. I feel like Iād like a few more weeks off after 6th to recover and get my head out of āim illā to 'im well and a survivorāmode before I return if you know what I mean?
Oh no @snoop182 thatās really not what you wanted to hear - how frustrating. I was told that for my hospital trust, the minimum neutrophil count was 1.0 - I was once as low as 1.2 and they still went ahead, although I did worry about the risks. Fingers crossed for you that your count improves and you donāt have a significant delay if any 
Like you @tori123 I flit between pushing myself to see the positives and crumbling into a heap. The mental energy we use on all this is crippling! I think weāve focused so much on the āgetting throughā that perhaps we forget to consider the magnitude of what we are dealing with - @snoop182 I know exactly what you mean about āsurvivor modeā.
I have been fortunate to feel much better on the weekly Paclitaxel and that has really helped me to think about my options after chemo and radiotherapy. I have been calling this cancer diagnosis my ābig resetā because I want to do some things differently - but Iām really not sure what that looks like. I saw on other threads that some people have had a few counselling sessions, I wonder if I would benefit from doing that. Or whether just doing a few nice things once Iāve got the PICC line out will be enough.
Sending strength to everyone - remember we were all May starters and itās nearly August - what a long way we have come! 
xxx
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Hi All,
So had quite a scary experience last night.Became very breathless,shivering then hot.No temp,oxygen dropped to 92 and heart rate was 115 even when sitting.Phoned 24 hr triage line who advised my partner to call 999 for an ambulance.No ambulance available for 8 hrs,in that time thankfully my breathing returned to normal.So today back pain and diarrhea, just feeling rubbish.The only constant is after I take the filgrastim I feel rubbish,last week had extreme stomach cramps.My question is does anyone have chemotherapy without having to take the filgrastim.My consultant said last week I would need to lower chemotherapy to enable myself not to need filgrastim Obviously I donāt want to lower my chemotherapy, but I feel this is my only way forward xx
That must have been very scary @budsbails2301. It amazes me that we are expected to go to A&E and wait our turn when we are so immunocompromised. Iām glad things improved for you. Itās hard to know what causes these reactions, is it the chemo, the filgrastim, something else? we just donāt know.
My oncologist apparently doesnāt prescribe the injections as standard - I was a bit nervous about that when he told me Iād only have them if I needed them. My neutrophils have always been rock bottom but never delayed my treatment fortunately. I donāt think Iāve been on a reduced dose either. Seems like they all have a different approach to the risks, there doesnāt seem to be a right or wrong way.
Hi Hopefulheart,
Thank you so much for your replyš.Yes the thought of A&E and the current covid situation really scared me.Im just so grateful that my symptoms eased. Ive heard other people say about not automatically having the injections, so definitely something i will speak with my BCN about.It will be interesting to see how my cou t is this week for treatment on Thursday.Ive only taken 1 injection xx
The PICC line limits us so much doesnāt it? I live by the sea and in this weather, I keep thinking āgod I would LOVE to run and jump into the seaā. I also keep saying to my partner āI will never take for granted being able to just jump into the showerā . Its so fustrating, although I love the fact I donāt need to be poked and prodded every time I go for blood tests or chemotherapy.
Hi Glitteryrainbow,
With you all the way ive never been a swimmer but all i want to do is go swimming since ive had my PICC lineā:rofl:.I agree the ease of bloods and chemotherapy with the picc line is amazing.I think i will find it really difficult when i have to go back to having bloods taken the normal route. The lady who put my picc line in said you have veins like the M25 they go straight then there is slip roads everywhere 
apprently this explians when the dr said i have a vein only for it to stop working xx
My oncologist took one look at my veins in my hand and said āyou are getting a PICCā . I haf no choice or say in it. Like i said, im grateful for it as I couldnt cope with getting prodded every week. Also enjoying it because im not allowed to hoover 
Ha ha yes every silver lining 
.Yep the same i dint have a choice,i had to have my first picc line removed due to infection.So 15 cannulas later they eventually had to put a central line in my neck to get IV antibiotics in. Second picc line has been great so far and due to finish chemotherapy in Oct so keeping everything crossed that it stays until then xx
Feeling very hot and bothered over the last couple of days! It doesnt help that my temperature has risen since treatment and Iām now getting hot flushes and night sweats 
! Cant move without getting a hot flush starting. Just feel like a hot, sticky, sweaty mess!
In exciting news, our offer has been accepted on our first ever house!! Im honestly so happy as was becoming very annoyed at house viewing (i live in a location where ALL the houses are the same layout). Been researching how long it takes to move house and Ive read anything from 6 weeks to 6 months! So hoping that treatment and surgery will be finished in time for us to move & we can start a new chapter, cancer freeā:crossed_fingers:t2:.
Congratulations on the house! I found moving house equally exciting, nerve wracking and stressful but very worth it. Make use of the experts and dont worry about seeming annoying I wish Iād asked more questions!
This weather has been difficult, totally agree, and trying to use more ānaturalā deodorants means Iām more than a bit sweaty nut still coping better than my poor dog!
2nd to last chemo completed today woop woop! A farce trying to find a vein as always but they got one.
@glitteryrainbow what lovely news - congratulations! how nice to have something positive and exciting to focus on. Youāre right though, the process can take much longer than you imagine! Sounds like you can definitely aim to be in for Christmas - 2025 will be an amazing year for you. And you live by the SEA!! my dream.
Iāve been more and more brave this week with going out and about without a head covering - and Iām still sweaty!! I donāt think mine is hormonal though as Iām now 60, I have been reading everyoneās experiences and side effects do seem worse for those of us menstruating or menopausal - as if we havenāt enough to deal with!
Just had Pax number 4 so officially on the second cycle of 3 - I didnāt realise they still count the 21 days even when we have weekly treatment, so week 1 is day 1-7, week 2 is day 8-15 etc. Makes sense. Still minimal side effects too which is a blessing - hope youāre the same. Chin up, weāre on the home strait now!! xx
@tori123 good to hear things have stabilised a bit for you and youāre looking to the end of your treatment - as hot as it is, Iād still rather have the chemo in the summer months, I can find more to smile about - especially Iām walking the 
.
Iām awake in the middle of the night as usual - thanks, dexamethasone! My daughter is visiting this weekend from Munich - I havenāt seen her in person since July so really looking forward to spending some time together
Hope we all manage to have a good weekend, whatever that looks like for you xx
2nd to last! Well done, you are so close!
I am super excited to move, we currently dont have a garden, so it will be lovely for our doggies to finally have a garden to chill in!
I am also having minimal side effects which is lovely. Im very jealous that youve been brave and have gone out without a head covering, well done you! The furtherest I got was in the car when I was driving but put my turban back on when I got out the car.
Christmas to move will be the perfect time as hopefully will be over treatment and surgery so will be able to just move on!
Hi gang,
So fast forward to Weds,excruciating back and stomach pain.My partner phoned the 24hr triage number,we have a ward in the hospital that is specifically for cancer paitents.I spent two weeks in there when my picc got infected.Well not this time,even though i did not have a temp,oxygen was fine they insisted on my partner phoning 999.Paramedics arrived 4 hrs later which im grateful for.They both agreed that this was more than likely related to my chemotherapy, the triage still insisted on me going to A&E.So i went into the ambulance at 2pm weds,went into a holding ward at 3am Thursday.I was in a room with known covid and two doctorās asked why i was there and not in the other hospital. So the result being the doctors think that it is immunotherapy toxicity from the pembro.I just want to say i am grateful to the paramedics and the hospital who treated me i truly am.I returned home yesterday.However what is the point of a ward if as a chemotherapy patient you are placed in more danger when you are unwell.On another point im really scared if i cant continue with the pembro due to being TNBC xx
Iām currently in hospital with pneumonia. Been here for the past 2 days. Iām now coping ok without oxygen which is good. Not sure when I go home. I hope by tomorrow they discharge me.