You look goooorg-e-ous darling! You really can’t tell it’s not real, but I bet you look just as lovely without it x
It’s a funny game this. People can’t win sometimes, someone said my hair looks nice short yesterday, they were being kind, it does look nice short but it was just the wrong thing to say as it’s not like you’ve chosen to be brave and shave your head for fun. Then struggle for two years with a new hair cut every few months whilst it grows back to its old length. Just making the best of a bad thing with makeup and styling it out.
Wear what you feel most confident and comfortable in. I was a mess for weeks after surgery.
So seen my consultant today,will have a Mri in next 7 days and then magseed put in ready for operation. Havent had a date yet but think will be in next 2 to 3 weeks.Turns out along ive been told my tumour was 14mm and had shrunk to 12 mm on ultrasound.Found out today that my Mri in April actually sized it at 27mm.So apparently the ultrasound isnt very accurate.Still looking at a lumpectomy and lymphnode clearance.It actually is starting to feel real now,strangely this always felt so far away when first diagnosed xx
Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve checked in and it’s great to hear how everyone is progressing. Hope that those of you who’ve had surgery are taking it steady and remembering the arm exercises. I had 2 lots of surgery, lumpectomy with lymph node biopsy which was quite straight forward to recover from but then needed full lymph node clearance. I was surprised to find the second surgery took longer to recover from and found the numbness under my arm really strange, I still don’t have full feeling back. I had some cording too which I went to physio for and that really helped a lot, I would definitely recommend it if you find cording developing - I hadn’t realised how much movement of my arm/shoulder was restricted till the physio freed it up. @glitteryrainbow you look great - I bought myself some eyebrow tattoos but haven’t been brave enough to try them yet. I think my scraggly eyebrows bother me the most about my appearance now.
My hair slowly seems to be growing back but I’m definitely noticing the cold around my neck and ears now the weathers changing so sticking with the hats and scarfs, apart from when the hot flushes hit and then the lack of hair allowing the heat to escape is a blessing @snoop182 love that you’re sewing yourself a new wardrobe, I do a bit of dressmaking myself but I’ve found it hard to get the energy for it - definitely put on weight around my middle so having to change to my new measurements is part of what’s putting me off even though it’s a good excuse to make new clothes. @kiltie I hope you get on ok with your port and return to chemo.
After 2 weeks off for covid I’m back to treatment again, the break definitely did me good, although my insides are struggling again after my 2nd treatment back on Monday. Still only 4 sessions more to go. I’m wearing a mask whenever I go to busy places now although I’m feeling like a bit of a recluse and not going out much. I just want to get to the end without delays now.
Hi Ladies
Totally selfish post, I’m having a masive melt down today. Been in tears most of the day and really hoping someone can talk a bit of sense and reason in to me. I keep thinking of recurrence rates, how I’m high risk and how young my daughter is. I’ve descended into a Dr Google spiral and even went on predict which was an absolutely stupid idea and i hate that its just sitting there available for anyone to look at.
I dont know where this has come from. I think because I’m in that waiting for results period again after surgery.
I have at least booked myself onto a moving forward course next year.
Any words of wisdom or tips to snap me out of this?
@tori123 I also looked at predict early on which terrified me but I snapped out of this by focusing on the fact that it’s just statistics and no one knows if it will come back and if so how bad it is. There’s people who have stage 4 that have lived for 20 + years. Also drug treatments are evolving and in 10 years time there may be lots of new treatments that can make us live longer. I also have young children and need to stay positive for them. I’ve just started weekly paclitaxol and had my 2nd session last week and they used the port which went well. Hope that helps
The port helped in the sense of no more cannulas. I’ll see how tomorrow goes as the first time it was used I had numbing cream to help with the pain from when they insert the needle but don’t have any this time. If it’s bad I’ll ask for it for future sessions. The port was very painful after it was put in. It’s getting better now but still a bit tender. Yes I’m getting lots of snuggles with the baby but do feel tired more
I kept asking my reoccurrence rate and my consultant said it’s all a bit hard to predict and best thing to focus on is what is being done to prevent reoccurrence instead. He also said there are lots of people walking around with every single risk factor by they still never get cancer and whilst you can looking after your health it’s a lottery who gets it, who has reoccurrence and who doesn’t. Same with crossing the road safely etc
I think cancer makes us all re-evaluate our priorities and I’m sure it did that for you whether you knew your risk at that point or not. I’m not sure if that helps or not but what I would also say is you’ve just had chemo and major surgery - you’re bound to be at a low eb physically and mentally - doctor google is not your friend, be kind to yourself, hug your daughter - on the side that isn’t sore and focus on recovery x
Thank you all for your kind words i was feeling very loved
@budsbails2301 im glad that things are moving along for you. I was honestly so scared for my surgery but it was so quick and the recovery has been pretty straight forward so far! A little bit of numbness around my armpit, down the back of my arm and ribs. The exercises help a lot.
@dragonk only 4 more to go!! You are so close, keep that in mind!
@tori123 i am so sorry i missed this post and hope that the worry has some what passed. I think unfortunately for us, reoccurrence will always be in the back of our minds, its how we deal with them thoughts that matters . You can always speak to your surgeon or oncologist to ask for what your % is but i refuse to do this because ill get scared. Keep in your mind that treatment is ALWAYS moving forward and improving.
Update on me: i went to the wedding and it was a beautiful day. It felt so nice that cancer wasnt a main talking point. Only about three people at the wedding knew i have cancer so i avoided the ‘sympathy look’ from people . I put my eyebrows and eyelashes on in the morning. The eyebrows took a couple of tries and at one point i looked very surprised . Unfortunately now i have a cold and feel very poorly! My partner was ill last week so knew it was coming!
Also, i have noticed since finishing my chemotherapy, i have become VERY lazy . All throught treatment, i kept very busy, walking the dogs, doing the house work and all that stuff but since finishing all i want to do is sit on the sofa and watch TV:joy:. I think maybe its because i was in survival mode the whole time and became somewhat of a robot to be able to complete the treatment and now im out of that, i am so exhausted and just want to rest. Ive even been sleeping in until about half 9 .
@glitteryrainbow I’m not sure you are being lazy it maybe cancer fatigue (which is real I’m told). I think you do go into survival mode during active treatment, getting through one day at a time until the next blood test or infusion/injection. Then when it finishes it hits you what you have been going through and sometime this can feel like you have no energy or feel down. I felt very down after my treatment finished, well twice, after radiotherapy and then again after my Herceptin injections finishes after a year.
I was advised by my breast care nurse that it is very common to feel like that after active treatment ends. It’s a common time to access counselling (your employer MacMillan and Maggie’s offer free counselling.
It’s also a good time to consider BCN * Moving Forward: Finishing treatment can be hard, and it can be difficult to move forward with your life. You can access our support online or face-to-face. Our online information hub and Moving Forward journal provide extra ideas and information. Courses run over 2 weeks, with 2 3.5hr sessions. Or trained facilitators and volunteers are there to help. Find a course near you.
@glitteryrainbow you look A-mazing!! I’m so glad you had a nice time at the wedding, as you say it can make such a difference sometimes to get out and forget about cancer sometimes! I went out on Friday with husband for an unusual anniversary meal of fish and chips on a steam train - not exactly the orient express but was actually rather fun in the end and a great distraction! Hope you recover from your cold and personally I would say you’ve earned the right for a little down time after treatment. It may not always feel like we’re doing much when we’re off & getting treatment, but physically and emotionally enduring everything takes a toll… so enjoy those lie-in’s
@tori123 i just wanted to check in and say I hope you’re doing okay. I read your post and totally recognised some of my own anxieties, I didn’t even know about predict until I watched a Liz O’riordan podcast and then I spent a couple of days toying with the idea of checking it out, but chickened out in the end, wish I’d stayed oblivious to its existence tbh as just knowing it is a thing I find strangely upsetting. Had a very rough day recently, just kept getting upset and having dark thoughts and then I would feel fear that I was somehow going to ‘manifest’ that on myself; yet I couldn’t seem to stop trying to prepare myself for the worst outcome either. I decided in the end to just try to focus on the now, not skip ahead to uncertain outcomes, nor lament the past, but just live in the moment and do the things I want to do at that point and control what I’m able to, and forgive myself for what I’m not. Also since our brains are hardwired to look for and remember negative things, I try to balance that by actively looking for something that sparks joy for me, to move me away from the negative thinking. However, the main thing to remember is that we are all different and what works for one doesn’t always work for everyone, so I hope you find a way through those dark moments and we are always here if you need to vent or share
Given what I’ve just said you may be forgiven for thinking I’m doing well… but that would be a lie! I continue on the hard road, seem to have lost the map for the easy road port was fitted Friday, which didn’t go straight forward as my vein collapsed and they had to (what felt like shove) a dilator down, and then do it all again because the first one wasn’t wide enough anyway I woke up Saturday with a severe allergic reaction to the dressings, skin all weeping and blistered from neck to breast!! 6 hours in assessment unit at hospital on Saturday and a further 4 hours on the Sunday. Am now sporting a dry dressing held on by a pair of net pants nurses ingenuity was really tested!! Am supposed to be due chemo tomorrow, skin has at least improved but wounds are still weeping and it remains painful, so not looking forward to this I also found another bloody lump under my left arm, breast nurse thinks it might be cording, but I thought that felt like a cord (hence name) rather than a lump? Although since it does pull on my ribs when I lift my arm and my arm feels tighter moving now, she might be right. I’ve been referred back to surgical team for checks and physio team for exercises. So yeah gritting my teeth and getting through each day is exactly what I’m doing right now & venting to you ladies!! So thank you for your patience
@kiltie thank you for your lovely words, especially when you’re going through so much yourself! Your body is really being put through some nasty stuff at the moment!
I’ve come out of my dark place thank you, I think I am just going to have those days and I need to ride them out. There’s probably going to be more for a while as I’m not able to do anything and I am a do-er type of person.
@snoop182 thank you, my friend said something similar to me about the % being a scale and you don’t know where on that scale you sit so I’ve just got to focus on me.
@glitteryrainbow I’m so glad you went to the wedding and enjoyed yourself, I hope you are feeling better now. I agree we go into flight or fight mode during treatment, this is why the waiting is so hard, and why we seem to collapse afterwards. Its not laziness it’s recovery, go easy on yourself but gentle exercise and getting outside might help.
I’m booked on to the moving forward course in Wrexham in March, if thats the right area for anyone and they fancy joining me x
I had my meeting with the surgeon yesterday. I am so pleased to say that they got clear margins and i am technically cancer free now . I have to go for radiotherapy for 5 days but then I am done.
Ive cried all night and all day, it feels surreal. Everyone keeps asking me what im going to do to celebrate but i have no idea! I feel like the process still hasnt finished yet so cant celebrate . The surgeon told me to start massaging my scar tissue but not sure how i feel about that at the moment, it grosses me out .
You may want to consider the Moving Forward course
Moving Forward: Finishing treatment can be hard, and it can be difficult to move forward with your life. You can access our support online or face-to-face. Our online information hub and Moving Forward journal provide extra ideas and information. Courses run over 2 weeks, with 2 3.5hr sessions. Or trained facilitators and volunteers are there to help. Find a course near you.
I found it a great help after my active treatment was finished. I waited 6 months after radiotherapy as I was waiting for genetics results to come through. I was still having Herceptin. I met some lovely ladies and we have an active WhatsApp group.
As far as massaging your scar, I’m so pleased they told you this, mine didn’t. I found out later on from Penny Brohn charity scar workshop. I am still over 15 months on from surgery getting used to touching, massaging my naughty boobs. I’m still cross with them. So take your time but do get to know your ‘new normal’
@glitteryrainbow that is fantastic news hun,so so happy for you:heart:I can imagine how much of a relief that would have been and crying is your bodies way of realising all that tension.I think in regards to massaging the scar that wll come im sure.Its all new at the moment and you need to get used to the new you xx
@budsbails2301 how are you feeling now? Have you had confirmation of an operation date yet?
I had a little bit if a cry last week as the last few eyelashes and eyebrow hairs fell out, theyve hung on for dear life throughout the whole treatment and we used to call them the brave ones. I couldnt believe that they fell out after i had finished everything. Anyway, took a long look at myself in the mirror on Saturday and i have the tiniest of eyelashes and eyebrows! They are so cute . I was jumping up and down saying to my partner “THEY ARE HERE!” My head hair is growing super quick now too, although its really white at the moment.
@glitteryrainbow Had a phonecall today,meeting surgeon on 29th Oct,so hopefully will get a date for surgery then:grin:aw love you,my eyebrows going really affected me.So happy they are growing back for you:heart:.I cant believe how quick mine grew back and my hair is coming back with a vengeance
Great news on your margins . The eyelashes are strange when they grow bank, mine are short and stubby and remind of the under side of a mushroom. Can’t think of another way of describing it!
Good news post for the weekend!
I’ve had my surgery results today, clear margins, tumour shrunk from 107mm to 32mm. They didn’t do a full node clearance like I thought, so less risk of lymphoedema, the nodes they took were clear so only the original 2 nodes affected. Radiotherapy next!
Hope everyone has a good weekend and is feeling as good as you can! Xxx
i was feeling very loved 
. I put my eyebrows and eyelashes on in the morning. The eyebrows took a couple of tries and at one point i looked very surprised 
.
port was fitted Friday, which didn’t go straight forward as my vein collapsed and they had to (what felt like shove) a dilator down, and then do it all again because the first one wasn’t wide enough 
anyway I woke up Saturday with a severe allergic reaction to the dressings, skin all weeping and blistered from neck to breast!! 6 hours in assessment unit at hospital on Saturday and a further 4 hours on the Sunday. Am now sporting a dry dressing held on by a pair of net pants 
I also found another bloody lump under my left arm, breast nurse thinks it might be cording, but I thought that felt like a cord (hence name) rather than a lump? Although since it does pull on my ribs when I lift my arm and my arm feels tighter moving now, she might be right. I’ve been referred back to surgical team for checks and physio team for exercises. So yeah gritting my teeth and getting through each day is exactly what I’m doing right now & venting to you ladies!! So thank you for your patience 
. I have to go for radiotherapy for 5 days but then I am done.
I can imagine how much of a relief that would have been and crying is your bodies way of realising all that tension.I think in regards to massaging the scar that wll come im sure.Its all new at the moment and you need to get used to the new you xx
. The eyelashes are strange when they grow bank, mine are short and stubby and remind of the under side of a mushroom. Can’t think of another way of describing it!