Thanks in advance to you wonderful ladies with problems of your own who find the time to support people like me.I hope I have reciprocated in the past (but have changed my username now, due to nastiness even on a site like this one)
Spinning too many plates at the mo, most of them crashing. Primary BC 2009, did the works (chemo,mast,rads), went back to work for a year, diagnosed with extensive bone mets in June 2011 after months of to-ing and fro-ing to Oncologist with pain and symptoms. Told bone scan ok Nov 2010, told CT of lungs and liver ok (but was unreported) June 2011 - sent away to get on with life, skip skip… called back within the week when Onc did a big slump then sorry sorry - extensive bone mets. Huh? My head is screwed. I cannot believe it. Lost confidence in scans/tests/Onc. Prognosis - “years” or “months”. Living in fear of “an event” (spinal fracture? I feel so vulnerable now)
So - plates spinning are : application for ill health retirement (am a nurse, can’t cope): funeral arrangements!: getting house in order ie paperwork;seeing people/friends who didn’t give a t**s when I had bc first time ( the usual, you’ll be fine etc); memory boxes for kids, knitting bonnets etc (grown up, wont meet the grandkids). Dealing with assumptions - world cruise (no) run marathons (no) - I want to spend time with those I love.
Angry ++++ at Oncologist who, I believe, missed signs of 2nds on bone scan six months before yet says it would not have made any difference now.I don’t believe her.
I got cancer, I did my treatment, I got back to work and was getting on with my life … then the big hand came and plucked me back to the cancer-belt again. I don’t like it. I can’t see a way off this time. Its all a mind-set I know, don’t give in, think friggin positive blah blah.
This isn’t a big “poor me” oh no,I read all your posts girls and admire you for geting on with your roll of the dice. Tis hard tho eh? Got onto the live chat late tonight - then it “discontinued”. The MacMillan line today was too busy to get someone to speak to me due to bank holidays. I understand - too many of us with blo**y cancer. Now where is that crisis line, cos I need it!
Sorry guys, bad, bad day - know you’ve all had them.I wish all of you happiness and strength to deal with this sh***
xxx