Men going through this hell

Hi all I have posted this for new user Keiran
Jo, Facilitator

Hi Guys,
I have no idea if I’m on the right site.
I’m in the UK and I am a man, my partner has had breast cancer and had surgery to remove her breast, done a years course of herseptin etc and the prognosis is good.
TBH, I’m being a little selfish and am looking for some help.
I’ve searched the net and everything seems geared to the women (rightly so) but I can’t find any help for us guys.
Is this site only for the brave women or can us guys get help?
There are issues we guys have to deal with, are there any guys out there to chat with?
It’s bloody hard as well for us guys, so I guess I’m asking for like-minded guys to to have a chat via mail to discuss how hard it hit’s us and how we deal with it.
Thanks in advance.

Hi Kieran,

Welcome to the forums where I’m sure you’ll get lots of good support from the many informed users of this site.

Below I have put you the link to one of BCC’s publications which you may find helpful, it’s called In it Together which is aimed at supporting partners through this.*/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/15/

Also, if you, or your partner feel you need to talk to someone in confidence then please do phone the helpline here, the staff are here to support you. Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000 lines are open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2. I hope this helps.

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

I’m not a man Kieran but thought you might like a friendly message anyway. I can understand that you’re looking for help now as I guess all through the treatment you were so busy supporting your wife that you didn’t have time to think how it affected you.

I hate the fact that I’m putting my husband through this - even though, obviously I didn’t choose this disease, I still feel guilty. His natural instinct is to want to protect me (despite the fact I’m 42 and able to look after myself!) and not being able to do anything about this cancer hurts him. My husband is lucky in that his female colleagues and boss are constantly asking how he is coping as well as asking after me. But I guess if you were working in an environment where you had fewer close colleagues to talk to, you would feel alone.

I hope some men do get in touch with you or that you use the helpline. I called them to ask a medical related question but the lady at the other end was so lovely that we ended up having a chat about how I was feeling about the whole thing too.

Good luck

Keiran, this disease affects the whole family, not just the person who has cancer. YOU also need support so you’re not being a wuss looking for some help, you’re actually being really brave so well done (and have a virtual hug).

I don’t know if your partner also uses this site, she might find it very helpful, but there is certainly a place for you here. And I’m sure your partner will feel some relief knowing that you ARE able to get some support. From my own perspective I feel very guilty at putting my family through the worry so I’ve put my adult children in touch with the site so that they can get support too and not just feel as if they have to support me without any help for themselves.

Welcome to the site, and I’m sorry you have any cause to be here.


As well as this wonderful site, you may find help on the Macmillan site. This BCC site does tend to be mainly patients whereas the Mac site is 50/50 patients and carers. Carers are defined as: partners, children, parents, or close friends of the patient. They don’t necessarily have to be ‘nursing’ the patient, more caring about and supporting the patient.

Hope this helps.


Hi my oh has been my rock i did all the moans and groans he listened yr right it wasnt just me who had cancer my whole family had it i feel ive got a new husband he has the patients of a saint hopefully my worst is over been doin treatment for a yr nearly and now we can get back to normality and start living again i think it wud have been good for him to rant aswell but he never did hes is the best man in the world in my eyes anyway

Hi Kieran - there are a number of us blokes here too!


Hi Kieran,

As Paul says, there are a number of us here too if you ever need to rant.
Take it easy (if you can),