Message DM1968

Public Archive
1

Hi Dawn,

Hope you don’t mind me sending you a message I haven’t figured out yet how to do them privately. I am really sorry to hear that you have been in hospital and missed your little boys first birthday. My youngest will also be one on the 12th of December, still cant believe the emotional roller coaster this year has been from the happiest to saddest news. I feel really cheated of his first year, do you? Still finding it really difficult to come to terms with. My eldest little boy is three in January so luckily there are completely unaware what is going on around them but when he says lovely things it makes me sad not happy!!!
Anyway the reason for my message is that i am waiting to hear back from CT scan (results Mon) as to whether the nodule they found on lung at initial scan is still there, gone or grown and feel more worried about this than anything. I just feel that if it is secondaries is there hope. Sorry i know that you are having to deal with this as well and probably just as scared but feel that I relate to you as children of a similar age. How did you cope??
Sorry to go on,

With love

C

2

Hi C

I have absolutely no probs with you sending me a message and if I can help you then great.

My little girl will be 4 on 3rd December, date of my CT scan. She is obviously more aware now that there is something wrong after my being in hospital and not being at home for a week. First time in her life that is!! Yeah they say some lovely things, my little girl keeps telling me she loves me so much more now. Was hard though when she visited in hospital as she cried when she had to leave me. I do feel so cheated to have missed his birthday, but thankfully, I bought all the birthday and christmas presents about 2 months ago, so that in case I wasn’t well, they wouldn’t miss out. I have also missed out on his walking a bit, as he was walking before I went into hospital, but has come on leaps and bounds since I was in there and I missed him getting more confident.

I hope your CT scan comes back with good news for you. Are you in the middle of your treatment - think you are, but not sure. My CT scan is to see how the tumours on my liver have responded really and whether they have shrunk. Am petrified in case there is no change or they find more spreads, but spose I have to remain positive. The lump I found in my breast has shrunk, so my liver should really have done the same. It will also determine whether I can go for liver ablation or resection - which I hope I can, as think this is good.

It is so scary and when I was told I had liver mets, my world fell apart and I thought well thats it then. So completely gobsmacked to be told in the space of 2 weeks had bc and liver mets!!! I know that secondaries are not curable, some nice person put that in black and white on one of the forums, which completely knocked me, but I also know that they can contain/control the mets. For how long is anyones guess really, we are all so different.

Keep strong, and your children will help you get through the tough times. Non of us know how long we have even without bc, so just focus on today and your family. I try not to think about the future too much, all I want, more than anything is to see my babies go to school and leave.

How do I cope, not sure really. Spose I have no choice, the children make me smile, and am sure as you know, you don’t get anytime really to sit and dwell on things or to wallow in self pity. I have my really down moments, normally when on my own, and cry, and then have days where I do feel down, but life carries on.

If you ever need to chat, feel free. To do PM on this site you need to type my id - DM1968 in the “Send private message to” box, just under Add your comments.

I hope you are doing OK though and hoping so much for good news for you on Monday. The waiting is the worst I think and there is nothing we can do about that. Keeping everything crossed for you. I have my final taxotere on Wednesday, if it goes ahead, which I hope it does.

Take care and sorry for being so long winded.

Lots of Love
Dawn
x

3

Thanks Dawn,

I will let you know how it goes on Monday. Stay warm and bug free and good luck for Wed. Hopefully if everything is ok with scan i have 4th Fec on the 26th and then 1st Tax on the 18th Dec, hope to finish chemo mid Feb then 6 wks rads and then nothing as triple neg so lots of finger crossing. Thanks again you amaze me!!!

with love

C

4

Dawn
I have read how often you post - always cheery and so supportive to all the other ladies on here. I’m very sorry to hear you’ve had a really rough week - and hope you’re feeling much better. I have gathered from your previous postings that you live near Lakeside - I’m just the other side of the bridge so I’m sending a big hug across the water to you and your family. I started a discussion the other day when I was feeling bad with a throat infection - but it is nothing like you’ve been through.
Traceyxx

5

Hi Tracey

Where abouts do you live in Kent? Maybe one day in the future we can get together, with some of the other ladies who are in the area, or on our own. Love to meet some of my invisible friends once I have got through my last stage now. As am going to cocoon myself for 3 weeks to stay away from infections, as my daughters birthday falls about 12 days after my chemo on Wednesday and don’t want to miss another birthday and her party.

Am feeling OK, just tired, think the difference from being in hospital and coming home to 2 lively children takes its toll, but I feel better being home and am resting as much as can.

Whatever illnesses we get, we all suffer and you should post and get sympathy cos you deserve it as we all do. All this crap we are going through, I think getting responses from others wishing us well and all that helps, so don’t ever think your illnesses aren’t worthy of writing, no matter what anyone else is going through. Keep posting about them, however small or big. I have sailed through 5 lots of chemo with only the last 2 making me suffer so have been relatively lucky in that way. I hope that your throat is much better now and you are feeling OK.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and take care.
Love
Dawn
x

6

Hi zjlove

Hope you are doing OK today too, and not stressing too much about tomorrow. Am thinking of you and sending positive vibes to you wherever you live, and hopefully you will be posting some lovely news very soon.

Take care and enjoy your weekend.
Love
Dawn
x

7

Hi Dawn
Hope you’ve had a restful weekend - it’s freezing out there, so you’re doing the right thing by staying inside in the warm. Hope your chemo on wednesday goes ok, and that you keep well for your daughter’s birthday.
I’m very near Dartford, and no stranger to shopping in Lakeside - it’d be great to meet up - have you met up with anyone else from this site? There’s probably a support group close by but I don’t know if I could go cos I know I’d get tearful and embarrass myself!!!
My throat is much better - thanks for asking. Fingers crossed that my blood count has recovered and I can have chemo number 3 on thursday!

8

Hi Misty

I am doing OK actually, feel heaps better, just tired, but then that is part of life with 2 kids under 4!!! They keep me active. Going to ring the chemo ward tomorrow to find out if their blood machine up and running again and going to mention if I can have the GSCF injections to help my blood count, as don’t wanna end up in hospital again on my daughters 4 birthday, which the timing would be then.

My OH runs a golf club near Dartford, Birchward Park in Wilmington, maybe you know it. I haven’t met up with anyone else yet, although email a lady in Romford and one in Stafford. Hopefully meeting up with the lady in Romford in the new year. I don’t think there is a support group nearby, and like you reckon I would get tearful and embarrass myself, and i am also quite shy when meeting new people. Lets try to meet in the new year, as think I have already said, am staying in for the next 3 weeks to keep myself from germs and get through my last chemo, but after that, love to meet with you and anyone else. Although have to warn you, might have at least one of the little ones in tow, if not both!!!

Glad your throat is better, and hope you get chemo no. 3 on thursday, no reason why you shouldn’t really. So keeping everything crossed for you.

Take care
Love
Dawn
x

9

Hi Dawn
Wilmington is not very far from me at all. It’d be great to meet up in the New Year - you’re right to stay in and keep away from all those horrid winter bugs.
Little ones in tow is no problem - my youngest has just started school so I’m flexible about when or where. Was at Lakeside this morning - am on a Wii hunt - no joy so far!!!
Don’t know how to do a private message - if you do could you do it so I can give you my email address.
Hope all goes well for you on wed - will be thinking of you

Tracey xx

10

Hi Dawn and Tracey, I’m also local I live in Northfleet. I haven’t heard of any local support groups. Have you tried Bluewater or ebay for your Wii? We managed to get one last xmas. Worth getting they are good fun.

Best Wishes to you both

Sandra

11

Hi Sandra
Great to hear from another local! Where are you being treated? Haven’t yet tried Bluewater - that will be next port of call. Don’t really want to buy one on ebay cos I don’t want to pay £300 to someone who paid £179 in Argos! I need to be a bit quicker and find out when the deliveries are!

12

I think you just have to time it when they get their deliveries. Can’t you leave a deposit at game?

I had my Mastectomy and reconstruction at Darent Valley. I am one of the lucky ones who was picked up on my first mammogram with DCIS. Had it done Sep this year. I didn’t feel so “lucky” at the time but this site has made me feel it now. Now on Tamoxifen (well actually only got it today taking first dose tomorrow) and hoping it doesn’t come back and that they got it all. The DCIS was only 1mm from chest wall but I’m told that clear is clear so I just have to hope that they are right.

Take Care

Sandra

13

Hi Sandra
I know how you feel about wondering if it is all out. I had a lumpectomy then two further re-excisions to get clear margins, but can’t help wondering if I would have more peace of mind had I had a mastectomy. I’m nearly half way through chemo.
Hope you get on ok with Tamoxifen.
Best wishes
Tracey

14

Hi Tracey and Sandra

You will be lucky if you find a Wii, my friends OH searched for ages for one and eventually got one through the internet, but paid just over 200 I think, and that was about a month ago. Think they are now out of stock everywhere.

Good to hear you are both local, and love to meet in the new year.

Tracey my little girl is at pre school but only 9 til 11.30 and my little boy is only 1 (last week). No point me doing private message for email address, as the moderators edit it as they don’t allow us to exchange emails. If you are a member of bccpals, then could do it on there. Bit of a pain really, or if on AOL IM, or something similar, could try.

Sandra hope your Tamoxifen went well today and you have no side effects.

Tracey good luck with Thursday.

I have my final taxotere tomorrow, won’t give me the GCSF injections though, said are going to drop the dose by 20%. Not sure if I like that idea, but as my last spose can’t be too bad. Hoping don’t suffer too much from it as well.

Take care both of you and let me know how you doing. Weather is pants today and OH nicked my car, as got sat nav, and left me with his convertible, so no good to man or beast when got his sister staying and two little muppets.

Love
Dawn
x

15

Hi Tracey and Dawn

It would be nice to meet up new year, your right the weather is most definetly pants!
First day of Tamoxifen has been ok. Felt a little quesy for a while in Sainsburys and my OH said I went a bit red but it’s early days. Can cope with that if that’s all there is to it but somehow I doubt it.

Where were/are you girls being treated?

Love

Sandra

16

Hi Dawn and Sandra,
Dawn - I’m not on bccpals but will have a look at it. Hope all goes well tomorrow - hopefully a lower dose will mean less side effects. Hurrah for the last one!!
Sandra - glad your first day on Tamoxifen was ok - hope they’re all that good!
You’re both right - it has been a horrid day, but I had a lovely afternoon which was supposed to be just lunch at the local golf club for a friend’s birthday - but stretched until school run time! I was snuggled into a lovely sofa, chatting to my friends, and didn’t want to get up and go out into the cold! It was the first time they’d seen my wig properly as I’ve been wearing a hat on it, as I feel less self conscious - but everyone said how great it looked, and much better than they remember my real hair looking!!!
I’m being treated at Queen Mary’s - am there tomorrow for a blood test, and then have a reflexology session in the McMillan centre. Fingers crossed that my cell count is up and I get chemo number 3 on thusrday. I want to get past the half way mark!

Love from Tracey xx

17

Hiya

Tracey sounds like you had a great afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed yourself. Where is the Queen Mary … not sure know where it is. So are you into golf, and if so, as I said my OH runs Birchwood Park in Wilmington and could give you free rounds etc, just let me know … he won’t mind. Good luck for tomorrow with bloods and have fun at relexology.

Sandra hope you are good after your little queasiness now and have rested a little to try to combat any effects. Let us know how it goes.

I am being treated at Southend, was dx in Basildon, but Southend got chemo unit, and they are really nice. Got a community macmillan nurse coming on Friday to introduce herself to me and talk me through everything they can do, as when in hospital at Basildon a really nice nurse asked if I had support and said had BC nurse in Basildon but no-one nearer. So she kindly got in touch with the community one for me. Interesting to see what she says etc, as have no idea what they do really, all new to me.

Got onc appointment now for 12 December, to get scan results hopefully and find out when start Herceptin and what else can be done with regards to liver and any other treatment. Last tax tomorrow - oooohhhh errrr misses!!! Hopefully bloods will be good and things will go well … not sure how I feel really, bit worried as that part over, and scared of things deteriorating, but gotta keep myself positive.

Anyway you both take care, and will catch up either tomorrow night if feel ok or thursday. Little boy got his men c booster and hip booster on Thursday morning, omg, and hopefully won’t scream too much.

zjlove I hope that you are doing OK and taking care of yourself. Let me know how you are when you can.

Lots of Love
Dawn
x

18

Hi Dawn

Sorry to interrupt the thread. Good luck for your last tax tomorrow. Have been following your treatment and I am sorry that you missed your little boys 1st birthday. Hope you are well and fingers crossed for a better chemo.
I hope your ct results are good to.
I often read but do not always have time too post - not sure why as not working at mo!!! Can not seem to get organised -was far more organised when working.
I have had 2 fec - with not too much trouble - and I know you were the same - Am dreading the tax after all I have read on here - my 1st tax is 21st Dec!!! Oh hum - to be honest just want to get chemo over and done with.
Will try and be better with posting promise!

Take Care, love

Annex

19

Hello Anne - welcome to the chat - the more the merrier! Glad you’re doing ok with FEC - hope your tax goes as well.
Dawn - how did it go today? Hope you’re feeling ok and able to rest. Don’t envy you re your little one’s booster. Those injections always used to break my heart! I had the MMR vaccines done seperately so inflicted an extra four jabs on each of mine! It’ll hurt you more than it hurts them - that’s what my mum said, don’t know if I believe it tho!
I did used to play golf when I was younger, but haven’t for years. A friend just had a birthday lunch at the golf club as it’s a handy venue - especialy for me as it’s across the road!
Hurrah my bloods were ok so FEC number 3 tomorrow - half way there! Queen Marys is in Sidcup. The reflexology was great!!

Tracey xx

20

Hi Anne

No worries on coming in on this thread, you are very welcome!!! Had my last tax today, and all went OK. Not really sure how I am feeling though, as not elated or excited really, just worried about when Herceptin starting and knowing still being treated I think. Got CT Scan on 3 Dec and Onc on 12 Dec, and am pushing to start Herceptin on 18 Dec, so gonna write a letter to my onc asking if can do this, as don’t want to spend christmas worrying about whats going on in my body. Also got to have Heart Scan before Herceptin can start … so we shall see.

Yeah I was fine on FEC, flew through it actually. First tax hit me hard, but if you learn by my mistakes, make sure you rest lots and probably stay in if you can. I overdid it by going out on Day 2 and Day 3 and then not resting, It is mainly the aches and pains, tiredness and also the mouth. But have to say, although mouth sore DID NOT stop me eating!!! LOL.

Anyway, hope that Tracey and Sandra are OK too and catch up with you all again soon.

Take care and Lots of Love
Dawn
xxx