Hi Lindiloo
So glad about your sisters results - she probably felt guilty about being so relieved when you have been through it but I know you would have been just as relieved as she was.
ITs about the 3rd week in July I should get genetics results - just keeping busy till then.
I am working tomorrow (an extra shift) - I thought it was gonna be cancelled - and hoped it would be - but they phoned today to say I am still needed - never mind. Suzie was out with her mates today so I went up the hill again - great to get out in the fresh air - and the views never fail to amaze me - must try and find my way to a different hill tho.
I know what you mean about big bro - there does not seem to be a genuine one among them? And that fight???
How old is your son? Forgive me if I have asked before and forgotten - you know what its like - lol
Hope you have a nice week.
Take care for now
Love
Fiona
xx
Hi Fi,
Sorry i have not been on for a couple of days things have been a bit hectic with my son comeing down.
I went to have my checkup yesterday afternoon appointment was for 4.15 but the clinic was running very late (2 hrs) after the usual chat they gave me a breast exam and they found a lump under my scar. Im so scared Fi, i was due my first mammo post DX in august but she told me they wanted to bring it forward to today , it was too late for her to ring through then as they had closed ,(i get my mammos in the building next door to the oncoligist center) so i am hear waiting for her phonecall to come in at some point today, i am absoutely terrified, im hopeing and praying its something like scar tissue , its just they dont want me to wait another month, i know thats good to be seen quickly but as you can imagine its brought the whole horror of this bloody DX back , i just burst into tears ,feel like this whole busisness is a bloody nightmare that i just cant wake up from. I was due to start physio this afternoon but dont know if im going to be able to make it depending on the time i have to go for the mammagram, im hopeing i can get it done this morning and if alls well will make my physio appointment, i realy want to get my arm sorted .
I hope everythings ok with you and sorry if im sounding a bit down at the minute ,but my stomache is in knots at the moment. I know youll keep everything crossed for me and il let you know later how i got on.
Take care
Lots of Love
Lindiloo x
Hi Lindiloo
I am sorry to read about this extra concern you now have, please don’t forget about the helpline, you can call for further support and a ‘listening ear’ which may help. (0808 800 6000 weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2)
Best wishes
Lucy
Lindiloo
I am so shocked to hear about your scare - no much wander your stomach is in knots. Of course I have absolutely everything crossed that it turns out to be innocent - god my heart goes out to you. This is going to be our future from now on istn’t it? At least they are being proactive and you are not having to wait another month.
Theres nothing else I can say. And please dont apologise for feeling down - you go on as much as you want - I am here for you - I only wish I was closer so I could support you more.
Thinking of you lots
Love and hugs
Fiona
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Please let me know as soon as you know anything
Hi Fi,
I got a call from the hospital about lunchtime , and they have told me they have brought my mammo forward to Next Week (thurs) and a appointment to see the doctor after with the results. Im pretty stressed out as the doctor i saw late yesterday asked me if id be able to come in today to have it done, so was realy expecting to know today , now i have an anxious week (do you think thats a good sign?) i realy dont know, i rang one of the breast care nurses who was lovely and chatted for about half an hour, they tell you to try not to worry untill i get the results back but thats easier said than done , i know that a week wont alter anything but its the stress it causes isnt it, i know il still be haveing it nearly 5 weeks early, the doctor i spoke to today said it could turn out to be scar tissue or something but to be sure it wasnt anything sinister they would rather have my mammo brought forward than wait another month , thats good i know, but sets alarm bells ringing too as they cant rule it out untill ive had the mammo. God i hate all this, your so right when you said this is going to be our future now isnt it? yes i think it is (and everyone says put it behind you now) how can we ever, i wish it was that easy dont you, if only they knew. I keep telling myself i would be realy unlucky if it was back as i was DX last july so almost an exact year ,had 8 chemos,23 rads and now tomoxifen so chances are it will turn out ok, thats what im trying to focus on.its just that nagging feeling that they arnt that sure otherwise why do a mammagrm now. Urghhh im just gonna have to get through this bloomin alfull waiting period that we all have to do and try not to stress out too much.
On a good note managed to have physio and got some exercises to do now and a proper wrist support, they said i have a shoulder inpingement,shoulder theraband proberly caused by the radiation ,i go back again in a fortnight.
il stop ranting now , sorry i havent asked how you are , have you been at work? i hope youve had a good few days ,i just want to thank you Fi, for all your support it realy does help to be able to talk to someone who understands all of this , i wish we lived closer too then we could go out and get sloshed .
Take care and chat tomorrow.
Thank you to Lucy also for your post to me ,i expect i may ring the helpline too.
Lindiloo
I dont think you should read too much into the fact that they have brought things forward - I am sure they are just being thorough - and acting on something they have found - just to be sure - you know what its like - they have to act quickly on these things due to government targets etc. I had the same stresses when waiting for bone scan results - and look how that turned out - if sending positive thoughts makes this all right then it will be all right with all the positive thoughts I am sending you. I too am coming up to a year since dx - Friday the 13th of July last year was my formal dx - altho I knew really 2 weeks before that. It would be really unlucky if it was anything sinister after all the treatment you have had.
You rant all you want girl - you deserve to. I know theres absolutely nothing I can say to make you feel better, but rest assured that I completely empathise with you and understand exactly why you are feeling what you are feeling.
And dont worry about asksing about me - I am absolutely fine - and feeling guilty for feeling so fine when your going through what your going through. You concentrate on getting through the next week. Wish I could come out and get sloshed with you.
Concentrate on those shoulder exercises for now too.
Take good care Lindiloo
Love and Hugs
Fiona
xxx
Thanks Fi,
You realy are a good friend, and your right, i realy shouldnt try to read into things too much, i think haveing this thing once makes us bloody paranoid , it was just the word lump, and doc saying try not to worry il ring you tomorrow ,and haveing the mammo brought forward that did it, when i came out i just though why the urgency then panick set in. Now, like you do, i keep feeling it and i know i shouldnt just to see if it feels like the last one. Urghhh why do we do it eh we just torture ourselves.
God Fi, friday the 13th what a day for you to get DX , i was DX on the 29th July dates both of us will never forget eh. of course i want to know how you are and what youve been up too (nosey person that i am lol) and dont you ever feel guilty for feeling fine ,youve been through so much these last couple of years and you still have more to come with your reconstruction , but i know your strong and so am i and both of us are going to go on and have long happy healthy lives, cos we are fighters .
Yep getting sloshed sounds bloody good right now lol, was being polite didnt like to say P***ed . He He
Take care
Lots of love
Lindiloo x
Hi Fi,
Glad your ok, i expect your well into your night shift by now hope its going ok, we took mum out for a meal tonight as its her birthday ,so have just come online for a bit (its 12am lol, must get to bed soon or i wont get up for work in the morning)
Feeling a bit better today, and tonight was definately a good distraction with all the family, it was lovely, My appointment came in the post today for thurs 3.45 pm, urghh late appointment so will be waiting all day thurs to go, will have to keep myself busy on the day, im trying to keep focused about all the treatment ive had and that it would be more likely to be nothing serious. so just gotta try and carry on as normal as best i can till thurs, theres nothing else i can do. I know on the day il be a wreck , and will be so glad when its all over. Ive searched on here about other ladies who have had the same thing happen and was heartened to see that most turned out to be nothing sinister so im keeping those thoughts.
I think its brilliant that you are organising a 3 peak climb and that you are raising money for breast cancer i hope lots of work collegues and friends will be able to join you. It sounds like your getting a bit of training in now lol with your peak walks, well done i know you can do it.
Thanks for thinking of me and for your works email, thats very kind of you ,i know your gonna be busy with the night shift for the next few days so dont worry if you cant get online i know your there for me bless you, My son gos home tomorrow it was lovely haveing him here ,will miss him loads when he gos, My real name is Linda lol my dads nickname for me was always lindiloo so used it when i registered on here,
I havent yet been able to work out the whisper back bit ,need some help with that lol but will see if i can figure it out. I will email you soon as then you will have my email address also,i was gonna put it here but though it might get edited out
Take care Fi, I know you hate the night shifts so i hope they pass quickly for you, make sure you get plenty of sleep.
Chat soon
Lots of love
Linda x
Hi Linda
Glad your feeling a bit better about things - as better as you can feel until Thursday. Good thing to keep busy - have you got lots of plans for weekend?
Night shift went quite quick really - was really tired when I got home - got to bed after 8, up to pee back of 11, woke again about 1 and thats been it!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - ended up getting up and sitting in sun for a while, cut the grass, then… decided to go for a run - yes actually run with my legs - not a run in the car - lol. I DONT DO RUNNING - but thats my next little aim - to be able to run more and not start and stop so much - have a lovely run out the back of me without having to get in car so good for days I cant get to gym like when I’m on nights - I go through the woods at the back of me which leads onto paths which then lead onto moorland - so its perfect - one day I will be able to do it without stopping!!
Will someone go with you on Thursday for results??
Best go get some brekkie before work then go to asda for a few things.
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
You take good care
Lots of love and great big hugs
Fiona
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Fi,
Glad your night shift went ok ,but sorry you didnt manage to get much sleep,its always the way isnt it when you need to sleep you cant, hope tonight gos ok for you and your not too knackered, well done for starting to run, sounds like you have a nice area to run in too, will definately be good for getting realy fit ,good on ya.
My son went back teatime so a bit sad ,you know what its like ,its lovely to see them but the parting is upsetting (mums eh) Todays been ok, was at work this morning then just went to town and nipped up the cemetary to leave some flowers for dad, im ashamed to say ive been a bit snappy today with a few people, i know i have, its not like me and its not nice to be like that, i suppose im just a bit stressed out, but thats no excuse have been feeling guilty ever since. spose it catches up with you sooner or later doesnt it. So am gonna run a nice hot relaxing bath in a min and chill out, stress aint good for us is it? lol.
The weathers been horrendous here, the waves down the seafront were huge and the rain has been so heavy all day, think we are in for a stormy weekend too urghhh so much for summer eh, hope the weathers better for you. Think il be clean, clean, cleaning all weekend lol.
Well off to have that bath so have a good night and il chat to you tomorrow.
Take Care hope you get a lot more sleep in the morning
Lots of Love
Linda xx
Hi Linda
Slept a bit better today but its all catching up.
Sitting at work typing this as we are quiet.
If anyone knows you - they will understand why you are being snappy - and I certainly would not feel guilty about it.
Its 0130 now 0 only another 6 1/2 hours to go - boo hoo hoo hoo
My legs are absolutely aching from my run - and getting stiffer by the minute - its amazing that I keep quite fit - but just doing something different affects the muscles different.
Hope the weather improves for you. Where is the summer? I managed to sit out in garden the other day when I couldnt sleep - thats the first time this year - actually picked up a bit of colour just with that hour or so and my run - I do pick it up quickly tho.
Have a nice weekend
Thinking of you as always
Fiona
xxx
Hi Fi,
Hope you are ok and managed to get some better sleep today, im fine though my shoulders been giveing me jip today its acheing a lot, proberly due to the exercises, other than that ok though.
Ive sent you a quick email so you now have my email address also, sometimes its not always easy to come on here especially for you with your work shifts, hope you had a pretty quiet night anyway.
Hows your legs today? its surprising how any new exercise can give you mussle aches awh, but it means its doing some good i quess, take it easy and try not to over do it at first, trouble is you can never tell untill the next day lol.
OH has got a weeks holiday from tomorrow ,so weather depending we may be able to do some nice stuff. Mums comeing with me thurs to hospital, OH said he would come too but theres no point in everyone sitting up there waiting and worrying, so have promised as soon as i come out il ring him bless him.
Hope you have a good few hours off before work again, have you been running?
Still no news from Jill, its been a long time now hasnt it.God realy hope she is ok bless her.
Take care and chat later
Lots of Hugs
Linda x