Morning @kateunlucky, you can call our freephone 0808 800 6000 until 4pm today. No question is too big or too small, and we can take things at your pace. 
Bernard
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Hi @kateunlucky as @Bernard_BCN, @Tigress and @naughty_boob have mentioned, please do call 0808 800 6000 anytime before 4pm today 
Lucy
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Hi, sorry you are going through a horrendous time, please reach out if you need help. The McMillan cancer line is very helpful, thereās also the Samaritans 24/7 on 116 123.
I took mirtazapine many years ago and it was by far the best antidepressant I have ever taken. Sadly I gained an enormous amount of weight with it, so had to come off it. It puts weight on most people. Antidepressants can be one personās saviour and anothers nightmare, sadly itās not possible to know until you take it.
I hope you get the help you need, Iāll be thinking of you x
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Just wanted to check in to see how you are @kateunlucky
Iāve just had some training in another volunteer role with the Samaritans and they were clear that they are there for anyone that needs help and someone to talk to 24/7
This is a quote from their website āWe offer a safe place for you to talk any time you like, in your own way ā about whateverās getting to you.
We wonāt judge you or tell you what to do, weāll listen to you.ā
Hi.
I am on 5th day of mitrazapine. I went up to 15mg yesterday. No improvement but no spike of anxiety. Mentally I am on free fall.
I had pet scan. Now another 2 weeks of waiting. The refused to give me results before appointment with oncologist. So on 20th February I will have 25 minutes to get the news and make decision. It is plain unhuman.
Yes, I know, I can ask for another appointment to have time butā¦ I do not have time.
After pet scan I have found enlarged lymph node in elbow area ( epitrochlear). I have tried to contact breast unit and oncology since yesterday but no one called back. Canāt believe how fast this cancer progressing.
I am losing my mind. I know no one belive but I am alone, no friends, no one. Reality is that I have that gut feeling - it is stage 4 and I will not have another birthday.
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Hi @kateunlucky
Thank you for posting. Sharing how you feel is really important.
I know the waiting is horrible, weāve all been there. Itās a bit cold today but maybe a bit of fresh air, listen to the birds, watch the wind in the trees. Not sure about the weather today in Bath but here on the Welsh border it was very cold this morning but the sky is a beautiful blue. I get a lot from appreciating the beauty of nature around us, I never used to notice it but every day I get so much from it.
Please tell your team when you go in that you are really anxious and struggling, Iām sure they wonāt rush you. I remember how frustrating it was in clinics that over run by hours but my team always gave everyone the time they needed. Sometimes the doctor would leave but a breast care nurse or clinical nurse specialist would ways stay and talk as long as needed.
You are still early days on your medication, when do you have a review of it. From people I know, they have usually been called back by the GP after 2/3 weeks to check how it is going.
Keep posting when you can
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Hi @kateunlucky, Iām sorry youāre going through a difficult time.
I know it feels like everything is happening at once. You mention you donāt have a family or people close to you - the people on this forum can be your friends during this time. You can share what youāre going through without fear or judgment, and our nursing team on freephone 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm) are always there.
We can take things at your own pace, and answer any questions you may have - no question is too big or too small.
Weāre here with you
Bernard
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Hi @naughty_boob
Thank you so much for asking
Ups and downs, like everyone here I guess. Mirtazapine is doing some job. I have a private therapy sessions, as nothing is available in NHS. I had official diagnosis ILC stage 3C. PET scan in Feb showed no uptake. Now Iām struggling with letrozole. Funny enough the worst is tinnitus, apparently not listed as side effect but from what I can see online a lot of women complain about. I do have stiffness in the mornings but moving helps. It also increased my anxiety.
I am still pushed from oncologist to gp and vice versa.
Next week I am supposed to start abemaciclib. I just hope it is not as bad as some says 
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Just jumping on to say that I often think about you @kateunlucky and hope the treatment is going as well as it can and good to hear youāre hanging in there, despite the awful challenges around every corner.
Fingers crossed you get a break soon.
Iām also on mirtazapine (since diagnosis last summer) and glad to hear itās helping you even slightly.
Also on letrozole and it took a while to get used to but seven months on I find it quite manageable so hope you get to that stage too - I did try a variety of brands before I settled on Accord so you may find different brands easier.
Anyway, sending you lots of good wishes xx
@kateunlucky im so pleased the Mirtazapine is doing its job.
Now you have official diagnosis and have a plan, Iām hoping that is making you feel a bit better. Most people on the forum, including myself seem to feel that way. It then becomes a treadmill/ferris wheel of appointments, scans, and treatment. I hope the new treatment is ok for you.
I was on Letrozole for a year with many side effects, I started after my radiotherapy and chemo but continued with Herceptin, which can cause similar side effects. My Herceptin finished last September, so I gave it a few more months and nothing changed. I,with agreement with my team, stopped for 4 weeks and was reviewed, many of the side effects diminished. I ended up being off them for 6 weeks and I felt more like myself ( prescription got lost in the post for 3 weeks!) Some were still there but less intense, so I have now swapped to Exemestane, Iām on day 5!
I wrote a post on Letrozole and its side effects including what I have done and taken to help with them. You can search on the forum to find otherās posts to see how they have coped.
I remember you are near Bath, did I sign post you to the wonderful charity Penny Brohn ? They have online and in person events including Connect with a a trained counsellor which I have benefited from. On my last call with them I chatted with two ladies, a mother and daughter both diagnosed with BC and shared my experiences. It was so lovely to help.
I hope you sharing on here and or talking to the BCN nurses can be supportive. As Iāve said before an I will say again, we will be here for you.
@naughty_boob
Hi
Letrozole seems to be more like nuisance. Stiffness in the morning, pain to get up and going and bit of tinnitus.
Now Iām starting abemaciclib on 100mg twice a day. Tomorrow.
Not a happy bunny mood. Scared.
So many horror stories. All I can see is rosy picture from nurses (itās nothing, bit of running to a loo) OR absolutely terrifying tales from cancer forums, debilitating fatigue and living in a toilet thing.
Iām so mentally tired, with myself and everything. Iāve just started to feel better and here we go again. Living alone doesnāt help. Being alone doesnāt help.
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@kateunlucky thanks for your reply. Iām donāt know much about abemaciclib but I suppose with any drug there is always some side effect. But we have to try to remember that we are going to get them all. They have to list them to cover their backs.
Let me know if you do decide to venture to Penny Brohn and maybe we can meet up.
Thinking of you