I got some diagnosis
Advanced stage 3 ILC, waiting for scan to check for stage 4, as my symptoms are getting worse.
Her2 low, 28mm, er and pr 8/8, all 19 lymph nodes with metastatis and extranodal spread. Double mastectomy and axillary clearance done.
My mental health is just in pieces, mess. Oncologist send me letter today that because of my mental state they can’t start treatment and send me to GP.
I have tried sertraline - end up in hospital after 5 doses of 25 mg.
GP gave me now mirtazapine, said to start with 7.5 mg at night time.
After sertraline horror I am petrified to even try. Scared that I’ll end up again with pure fear and panic. It’s second day I am trying to “man up”.
I can’t.
Any wise words or experience???
The waiting is the hardest bit. We have all experienced that on this forum.
I am a very anxious person and suffered from depression and severe anxiety before my BC diagnostic. I was prescribed sertraline which was the worse thing ever so i understand your reluctance to try something else. I stopped sertraline and started something else that I can’t remember but was horrific too, then was prescribed amytriptiline. I was feeling drunk and like a zombie all day! Then last try lucky with citalopram. It helped but decided to stop after putting on 15 kilos in total after a year. Since then I have been managing anxiety pretty well with yoga. Also using the headspace app.
What I would say is give it a go as it could help. You won’t know if it helps if you don’t try. And your doctor can always prescribe something else.
@marionse25
Hi
I did took it. Very sedative. I feel space out all morning. Need to give it a time I quess. I don’t know what am I doing.
Cancer and mental health issues is a bad combo.
I don’t know what I’m waiting for. It is already hopeless. Scan won’t change much now. That axillary clearance operation was a mistake. All went very bad very quickly from there.
Both mentally and physically. Before it at least I was able to take care of myself.
Now I am not fit for chemo. If it is stage 4 I might as well overdose, but I’m too scared to do this.
In 6 months I went from full-time working human being to pathetic waste.
Please you are not pathetic, you are dealing with so much it must be extremely difficult. Do you have a CPN team that you can contact? Please do that and ask for help to get through for now. Sending love x
I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. We have all been there but treatment for bc has advanced so much. Many people are living with cancer or are cancer free, many on this forum say that their doctor advise to treat stage 4 like a chronic disease. There is hope out there.
Waiting for results is always the worst time no matter what stage we are in our treatment. I have only just recently had to a an MRI for consistent neck pain but it turned out to be 2 bulging (pre prolapsed) discs, something we all get as we age. It didn’t stop me worrying it was something more sinister.
As far as anti depressants, I tried them over 20 years ago and they didn’t agree with me, now I can’t have them as they interact with my other medication. However, I do know of several others who have eventually benefitted from them. I say that because they had terrible side effects which eventually settled or they had to change to a different type. All of us are different and we all react different to medication that changes things in our brains. Let’s hope they will work for you, it may take a little time.
I’m so sorry that you are feeling so low you feel like you need to end it, but remember you are important, you are loved and you are needed.
The BCN nurses are not available today but they will be tomorrow from 9-4 on 0808 800 6000.
However, MacMillan have a helpline open today from 8-8 who have people that understand cancer diagnosis.
Sharing on here your fears is a good way to get them out there and get support from others but I feel it is also important to talk to someone. It sometimes helps to speak to a stranger rather than a family member or friend.
@kateunlucky Kate, who have you got at home? Is there anyone local to you, friends or family who can come and sit with you? You shouldn’t be alone right now. Get through this evening and tomorrow morning call your breast cancer nurse or your GP and tell them what you’ve told us. You need special support and even though it might seem hopeless or pointless to you right now, you just need some positivity in your corner. Can you reply and tell us how you are doing?
Firstly, I am so so sorry to hear what you’re going through right now, both with your mental health and physical. Please know that you are certainly not pathetic. You have a lot going on to process and to get your head around, but you don’t have to do it alone. We are here for you, and if you need support, our nurses are a phone call away on 0808 800 6000 - they will be back online from 9am tomorrow.
As @naughty_boob has already pointed out, Macmillan have a helpline which is available until 8pm tonight on 0808 808 00 00.
If you can reach out to a loved one that you are feeling this way, you might find it helpful to tell them how you’re feeling, or to keep you company while you feel this way. The Samaritans are also available to talk, and you can reach them on 116 123.
I’m sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. Please remember no matter how dark today feels, you are never alone. There are people who care for you and love you, and who want to help.
If this evening feels bleak and you need to chat, the Samaritans are open 24/7, and you can reach them on freephone 116 123.
Our helpline is open from 9am tomorrow, and you can speak to our team of breast care nurses on freephone 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm).
@Tigress
Thank you for replying
No, I have no friends. I am not trying to get sympathy, just stating a fact. I am horrible person, I have no friends, I have no ability to maintain friendship. I lack of people skills in my personal life. I am divorced and never managed to have any relationship.
I have no family.
My daughter is done with helping me emotionally, as it affects her mental health and she’s got her own life.
She doesn’t like to see me in that state.
I don’t blame her. She is visiting me once a week, which is very nice of her.
I am burden for myself.
I did ask my nurse, I have once a month appointment with oncology psychologist.
My GP is aware of situation, gave me antidepressants.
I was on waiting list for 3 years for talking therapies. When finally I got on top of the list they called me to set session.
I have informed them that my situation is bit different now from what was over 3 years ago - I have cancer.
Their reply was - in that case we need to do reassessment and put you on different list.
So far I am still waiting for assessment.
BATH Mind send me three emails with links to online help and advised to use phone apps.
Other waiting lists - Focus Bath, we hear you, BANES PC Liaison.
Social services offered me shelf for a bathtub and special chopping board. I can get help for 6 weeks, once a week someone can come and help me to get dressed and prep meal. Of course - I’m on waiting list.
When I call 111, they telling me to call samaritans.
I am still waiting for PIP and Uc keep asking for more and more documents.
It is so surreal I can’t belive it.
I do not give up easily, but I’m running out strength. It feels like I’m in waiting room filling assessment forms for past four months.
I have taken mirtazepine and it did help stabilise me, but it takes a few weeks to work. Take it at bedtime and if you are tolerating it, ask for a higher dose. This is the worst part, we all understand and are here for you to talk to, vent to, cry to, whatever you need. Be kind to yourself, what you are going through is really hard. Hang in there x
Hi @kateunlucky, you sound like you have a lot going on.
You say you are a burden to yourself - you are not a burden to us, and to our team of breast care nurses, if you needed to be in touch.
If you’d like to call us, if you like we can coordinate a time that’s convenient for you, and I can ask someone in our team to read your posts so you don’t have to explain everything to them from scratch - if you thought that was helpful.
Please let us know. We genuinely want to help as much as we can.
@kateunlucky Please Kate, let us try to help in some way. I can’t pretend to fully understand what you’re going through but I get enough to know that you’ve been left high and dry by everyone you’ve approached for help. Whatever your self image is of being a ‘horrible person’, I just don’t buy that. To me you had a life, you have had some difficulties which have been compounded by a god awful cancer diagnosis and now you’ve been left to go it alone by the system. You posted here for a reason so let us see what we can do to help. Either respond to Bernard’s post or call 0808 800 6000 tomorrow morning to talk to one of the nurses. There must be some way to get some practical support for you. You may not think you have friends but you do - we’re your friends as of now.
You are definitely going through a lot. I can understand your frustration with DWP and PIP, do you have a citizens advice or Maggie’s locally as they have staff who can help support you with your application.
There is a phone app called Headspace that I have found very useful, a wonderful charity called Penny Brohn based south of Bristol can give you free access to the app if you register for their services. I use it daily and find it can help with my mental health. Try it for free then apply to for a year free subscription.
www.pennybrohn.org.uk have lots of online support from food, exercise, treatment support programme, counselling, 1 to 1 consultations. I live on the border of Wales and visit the centre quite frequently. I also join in some of their gentle exercise classes such as Tai Chi or Yoga. On. Wednesday they have an online group called Connect/Advanced connect (secondary diagnosis) with a counsellor and it allows you to chat for an hour with others that have had cancer. It’s a brilliant resource in the South West.
I’ll contact nurses tomorrow.
Thank you for your kindness.
It’s just hard place for me - when the only reason I am alive is just because I am scared of dying.
@kateunlucky I’m sure it will help to speak to someone who will give you time to talk at your own pace. We are always here too so keep in touch, tomorrow or any other day it might help.
We’ve been thinking of you and hoping the night was OK. Please don’t hesitate to let us know if we can organise a call for you as @Bernard_BCN mentioned in his post.
You are never a burden to us, and the forum is always here for you to talk through how you’re feeling.
In case you don’t feel like talking on the phone, there is a UK based text line called Shout which will respond 24/7 for mental health support. To start a conversation with them, you text ‘Shout’ to 85258 and they’ll reply to you as quickly as possible. You can read more about them here: Get help - free, 24/7, confidential mental health text support service | Shout 85258.
I’ve been on mirtazapine before my mastectomy and I can understand your concerns because of the previous medication and I had doubts about antidepressants. I was prescribed 15mg during my HRT. No longer taking HRT due to the ductal and oestrogen positive cancers I had. They seem to be helping, but I understand you are apprehensive.
