Miserable as hell
Miserable as hell Hi Girls
Can someone please tell me when I will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel that everyone talks about ?
I only had my second chemo last Friday and am still feeling so crap. I was sick this time round (even with taking anti sickness tablets) and I don’t have any energy whatsoever. And I can’t stop bl**dy crying ! I have never ever felt as down as I do now, and I can’t seem to drag myself up again. How the hell am I going to get through the next six chemo sessions ? I’m absolutely dreading them, if its going to be like this every time.
I feel so sorry for my poor husband and kids, I’m so miserable all the time at the minute, and I’m turning into a recluse now - I don’t want to see or speak to anyone, I just hate the way I’m feeling…
Sorry to whinge yet again, its all I seem to be doing, but how am I supposed to drag myself back out of this depression ?
Julie x
Sorry to hear that Julie Hi Julie,
really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment. I have only had 1 chemo session myself, 2nd one next week, so am prob not the most qualified person on here to talk about light at the end of the tunnel. What I will say though is everybody deals with this experience differently, some are constantly upbeat and optimistic whilst others are less so and perhaps would consider they are more ‘realistic’.
Trying to strike a balance between the 2 is difficult but not impossible. Its good to cry, scream and shout at times, god knows I’ve done that many times since I was diagnosed in March!! What is not so good though is when these emotions start to take over and become how you feel constantly. This is an awful thing to happen to all of us, and our lives have changed beyond recognition. We may not be able to control our outcome but we can control our experience of it.
If you are not handling things at all and are becomming increasingly depressed I would seriously consider seeking help, perhaps in the form of counselling or even complementary therapies. Your husband and children are going though this too, and perhaps there are things you could do as a family.
It is ok to be sad and totally fed up at times, but please don’t let it take over your life. You really need to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Please get some help.
Take care and let me know how you are,
Kelly
-x-
i know how you feel! hi julie sorry your feeling this way but believe me it will get easier i was exactly the same as you, i know how you feel. because its just the beginning of your treatment and its very scary at first but you will learn to deal with it as i have. your results seem similar to mine i too had a 5cm tumor but i had mascectomy first. ive had 6 sessions of chemo which wasnt as bad as i expected as i had no sickness you should have a word with your bc nurse who will change your sickness pills as they are not working if your being sick. i did feel down a lot whilst on chemo i think more because of lack of energy and motivation and i think when your down you tend to think of morbid things and what the future holds this making things feel worse, i think you need to try and get out and do things as you did before this helps you to feel normal again. anyway since finishing my chemo i then had radiotherapy which is a doddle compared to chemo and now im on herceptin for a year with no side effects. im back at work now my hairs growing and im feeling normal again, you cant believe that will happen to you just yet as youve only just started teatment but honestly the time flys by and before you know it you;ll be writing this post for someone else. speak to your bc nurse as soon as posssible and she will try you with some different anti sickness pills, if you can keep the sickness at bay you might feel a bit better. take care for now and feel free to ask any questions if you need to xxxsuzee
with you all the way Hi Julie
I finished 4 rounds of epirubicin 2 weeks ago and have now embarked on the fmc part of my treatment.
You don’t say what regime you are on but I’m sure they all make us feel pretty c**p at times. I was not too bad on the first two rounds but then I found that with each round it took slightly longer to come back up from the down (which incidentally didn’t happen for me until I was off the steroids on day 3). The thing is when the good day eventually arrives and hangs about for a bit it does make you realise this isn’t forever. I am told that the fmc part of the treatment isn’t so bad as epi so it is more tolerable.
Make sure you tell the clinic that your anti sickness drugs aren’t working for you and I am sure they will change them. I got very weepy with the last round mainly due to lack of sleep, I did the classic thing and burst into tears in the consulting room. The nurse and the oncologist both recommended Nytol or some other herbal sleep inducer to try after the steroids have finished (steroids interfere with sleep, I was up doing a crossword at 4.00 this morning). They said I was expecting too much of myself and should rest when my body says I need to. This is probably easier said than done when you’ve got a family to look after, and I know your husband must be suffering, Mine can’t do or say anything right when I’m on a bad day.
This site has certainly helped me through so far so keep looking and posting. It helps just to ‘talk’.
Ollie
Just a word of advice We always advise people to check with their BC nurse or GP before taking any herbal remedies as they can interfere with other medications
Best wishes
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Julie
I can empathise with you about feeling ill and down, I told my doctor this week I didnt want any more and just burst into tears…I only have 2 more fec to go but am dreading it I am so near but feel so far, I have been given a sedative by my onc which helps me sleep for the short term over the 4-5 days after chemo could they not prescribe it for you it’s worth asking. each chemo session I have screamed I dont want any more but you do muster the strength from somewhere I am dreading my next one though…
Lucy
XXXXX
Hi Julie Hi Julie
So sorry you are having a miserable time, speak to Clare or Chris and let them know, they are there to help you.
I think after the second chemo it’s really difficult because by then you have most likely lost all your hair and look like a cancer patient, trust me you do find a new normal, one day at a time, you will get there.
I know it’s hard for the people that love you, but they will want to support you, just be really kind to yourself.
Sending you a big hug, take care.
Love Lesley x
Hi Julie
Sorry to hear that you are feeling like that, you are the same age as me with children of a similar age, so I really empathise with you! Fortunately I haven’t experienced that real feeling of despair. Don’t get me wrong I have my down days, days of tears, days of anger and frustration, but I have been lucky to have also had far more positive days when I really really want to fight this and feel reluctant to let it get me down!
My advice would be to keep talking to people about how you feel, if people don’t know how bad things are they can’t help. talking to people on here, us and the professionals is a good start. Talk to your Breast care nurse and onc. They may need to change your medication and/or amount of chemo given. Nobody should be feeling like you seem to be! You deserve better!
Good luck , you have to believe in that light at the end of the tunnel!
take care
Nicky
keep your chin up julie Hi Julie
Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. You are definately not on your own. There have been times whilst I have been on the trial that I have felt very low. During the first four cycles of Taxol I didn’t really have any bad side effects and felt quite positive throughout. By the time I had finished my second EC I felt physically and emotionally low. The sickness was constant and I felt very weak and ached all over. I had also lost the majoriity of my hair by this stage despite using the cold cap. So all in all I felt pretty awful. I think when your feeling rough physically it affects your emotional state as well.
Sometimes I think it’s easy to lose sight of the fight and strenght that we need to get through this. Having a great husband and kids is my startk reminder that I have to keep fighting. I tend to find that my worse two weeks are after the chemo and then just as I am starting to feel normal again it’s time to go again and I think - no - I cant do it again but I do. I have found working full time really helps. It keeps me focused aswell however horrible I feel it gives me another reason to get out of bed and something else to think about.
Regarding the sickness I start my steriods on the same day as the chemo, I also take ondansetrone and cyclizine as well. I bought some sea bands but they had no effect other than the made my wrists sore. I was offered a syringe driver but turned it down as it would have been too restricting to my lifestyle.
Have you talked to your research nurse about how your feeling? I am really lucky and have a great research sister who is really supportive. There is always lots of support out there for you.
Keep your chin up and I hope you feel better soon.
Love
C
You will get through it Dear Julie & anyone else going through chemo,
It is awful but you will get through it. At the moment it feels as if it will be never ending but it goes faster than you think. Cross off the days! Try and find something that you enjoy doing which doesn’t use up too much energy. Each day is one step closer to finishing your treatment. I had mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and thought it would never end but it did and yours will too. Other people have given you lots of good advice and I hope that things will be better for you during the remainder of your treatment. We all understand and feel for you because we’ve been there ourselves. I hope that the support which we are sending will help a little. It’s hard but you will get through it too. Look after youself and take things as easy as you can.
Best wishes
Francine x
Hi Julie
I was very low after finishing my chemo. I seemed to sail through that treatment, and then went on a real downer, couldn’t stop crying, and everything seemed so gloomy. I went to my gp, and they gave me anti-depressants. I won’t say that I’m on top of the world, but more on an even kiel.
Sarah x
feeling bad Hi Julie
I can empathize totally I finished chemo mid dec 06 and it was terrible just like you say but can I suggest if the anti sickness tabs dont work tell your nurse or doctor as they should change them for you. The only good thing with chemo is that these days they have something to counteract almost all side effects, so If the tabs you are on dont work then there are plenty of others to choose from and dont suffer until your next appointment, phone the ward or unit up and tell them. I fthey are anywhere near as good as the one I was at they will help you straight away. I would also like to say that although it is hard on your family it is just as hard if not harder on you and I bet you always put them first coz that’s what most mum’s and wives do. The hospital constantly told me to look after myself and you know what! they were right because if I didn’t put myself first during the treatment then I was no good to them so what I’m trying to say is rest when you need to, cry when you need to etc I too got reclusive and just like you but now I have started driving again, started going out, just shopping and stuff, gone back to work last month and I can honestly say that life is getting back to normal. There’s still a long way to go but it’s a thousand times better than when I was on chemo last year. The cloud has lifted and the sky is blue again. Best wishes and lots of love