Mixed Emotions

Hi - I hope this is ok to post on this section.  I have recently been diagnosed and have my op on 3rd April to remove the lump, and lymph nodes if required.  Chemo will be decided, but is highly likely.  This is my second case of cancer, first was bowel cancer in 2015.  The two are not connected.  I am feeling quite strong, but scared about the future and what my boob will look like, and how i will look.  However, i have another situation to deal with…my husband has just told me that he cannot live with me as he does not like the way i am…not connected with the cancer.  He needs help, but I have said I cannot give that too him at the moment as I need to fit, well and strong for ME.  We are more like friends than husband and wife, and he says he needs more than that, this has only been since my last cancer…I have no interest in sex with him, but I do love him, we’ve been together 25 years and have two wonderful children.  Am I wrong to put ME first and let him go if he feels thats right…I cannot help if I’ve changed over the years, should I feel guilty???  Sorry if this is not the right forum/chat to post this…but just wondered if anyone else had experiences with their partner/husbands???

Hi Becky50, I’m sorry you’re finding yourself battling a 2nd time. NO! I do not think you’re wrong for putting yourself 1st. If things were already rocky with your husband and yourself before this diagnosis (as it seems to sound from your post) then you need to go with what’s right for you. Encourage your husband to find help for himself from someone else but for you lean on the people you know will be there for you. With respect to the cancer, I feel unable to really give advice - I don’t have my own treatment plan yet as newly diagnosed myself. Hopefully you’ll get some replies from others in your situation. Hugs xXx

Hi Becky, sorry you find yourself here but glad you have found us.  I’m no relationship counsellor but definitely put yourself first.  Your surgeon should be able to give you some idea of the result and should be able to show you some images of what to expect from the result.  If you pop over to the “going through treatment” thread there will be others to chat to having surgery.  There is also a monthly chemo thread you can join should you be having chemo.  I finished my treatment a year ago; surgery, chemo and radiotherapy after stage 3 diagnosis and doing very well.  It’s all doable.  Xx