3 am - can’t sleep.
I’ve been reading the forum for weeks now, since I was first diagnosed, doing what I think many do: looking for someone with the same initial diagnosis in order to predict what might happen next. Which I know is not right, as there are so many factors and each is different. But I can’t stop.
I am 51 and post-menopausal. I am asymptomatic but recently diagnosed via the National Screening Programme with 48mm lobular plus nearby 5mm ductal, according to mammogram and ultrasound. Had follow up MRI which oddly only showed a 35mm abnormal ‘region’ (which I find confusing as MRI is more sensitive for lobular and usually indicates a larger region than mammogram/US). Biopsies confirmed all are invasive, ER/PR +, HER2 -, grade 2. I had a choice of lumpectomy or mastectomy, and opted for the latter as I want it all out. Surgery planned this week (almost 3m after mammogram). Treatment plan expected 3 weeks later ie. December.
It may sound odd, but I am afraid that I won’t be offered chemo. This is because I am terrified of it returning down the line and I just want to attack this with everything - in part why I have opted for mastectomy. I understand that lobular is usually slower growing and therefore does not respond as well to chemo as ductal does. But I don’t understand how a mixed cancer is assessed. PREDICT (breast.predict.nhs.uk/tool) does not differentiate. I know that recommendations will depend on what surgery reveals, but I am finding it impossible not to constantly think about this. I just want to be armed with as much knowledge as possible when I go for the appointment in Dec, so that I can be confident that it’s the right treatment plan if chemo is not offered.
None of these concerns are for myself. Rather, it is for my three children. One of them (daughter) is chronically ill and has just come out of yet another lengthy, traumatic stint in hospital. I just need to be there for them in years to come. I don’t want to leave them while they are young adults. I don’t want to leave my daughter to fight her future battles on her own. I don’t want to leave my wonderful, supportive husband to manage this by himself.
So that is my story so far, incase anyone is/was in a similar position and has any words of wisdom.
Or even if I just help someone else by sharing