Hi,
I have been lurking since my mom’s dx a few weeks ago. She was told two weeks ago that it has spread to her liver and we went for bone scan this week. She has inflamatory bc.
They originally told her they would be doing a mastectomy in the summer but once they found it had spread they said there was no point. They are now going to do the 6 sets of IV chemo then hope to control with hormones to buy her some time.
It has spread really fast as she only had a (clear) mammogram last march.
Before we knew she had bc she had been complaining of a bad back etc so I am really worried about the bone scan.
I live about an hour away and am a teacher so cannot just go and see her when I like.
I am really not coping very well at the moment but I know I have to be strong for her because I don’t want her to worry about me. I have always been her rock before and we have been through loads but this time I am struggling.
How do I deal with this? I really want to be able to enjoy the time we have left without feeling sick all the time. Does it get easier to deal with? How, when it is only going to get worse?
I feel pathetic when she seems to be coping so well. What should I do to “get over myself”?
Finding work really difficult as it is hard to be “Miss” when your mind is elsewhere.
Sorry to go on but I feel quite helpless at the moment. I really just don’t want her to die.
Hi Cameron
I am sorry to read that your Mum has recently been diagnosed with secondaries, it must be a very distressing time for you both. If you feel it would help to talk things through with someone in confidence, please do call our helpline where you can speak to one of our team, they are people who have had experience of breast cancer themselves and breast care nurse specialists so they are able to offer you support, information and a ‘listening ear’. I am sure your fellow forum members will be along shortly with support too. Helpline number 0808 800 6000 weekdays 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Lucy
Hello!!
I have just recently replied to another lady who’s mum has mets. I thought I would introduce myself to you too. My mum was diagnosed with bone mets about 8 months ago. I, like you, live aboyt an hour away from her and I’m a teacher too!!! Its very hard as everytime I see her, she seems to look frailer and she seems to have aged tremendously over the past 8 months. Its very sad and I feel very helpless. But, things have got easier for over time. Well, maybe not ‘easier’ but the initial shock fades and the ‘sick’ feeling goes and then you adjust to the way things are. I always take the lead from mum. If she hints at me visiting then I visit, if not I carry on as usual and try act as if everything is normal. If mum wants to talk about her pain, we talk, if not I avoid the subject. I also find that emailimg her during the week helps me to keep regular contact and lets her know that she’s at the fron to my mind. And, to be honest, I find my work keeps me occupied. At school, surrounded by 30 7/8 year olds, I don’t have time to think about mum!! They stop me from thinking too much. I have found this site very helpful and supportive. Know there are other people with secondaries makes me feel like mum is not alone (although she would never actually come on one of these sites herself!!).
How old are you? Who do you live with? I hope there are lts of people you can talk too!!! Please do feel free to talk to me about anything (there’s prob not a lot of advice that I can give but I might be able to understand how you are feeling).
I hope this helps. I know I have babbled on and I know people react and go about things differently.
Bye for now!! xx
thank you for your support nipper. I do find that in the class room it is easier but I think its all still a bit fresh at the moment. you must have loads more patience than me - i teach secondary and find the year 7s hard going so i don’t know how you manage with 7 year olds!
I have pretty much decided to leave work at Christmas (have to give a term’s notice) and go on supply as I have asked to go part time so that I can see mom more but they have said no. It is hard being a teacher cos you don’t really get weekends in the term time do you? I know, whinging teachers all that holiday etc etc.
I am 32 and mom is 53. I live with my long term boyf (10 years now!) and loads of pets. I have a really good neighbour who I talk to too. You sort of feel bad keep going on though don’t you? I know I have to get a grip and get on with it - I suppose that’s why I posted today to try and type it out if not talk it out!
I am sorry that your mom seems to get frailer every time you see her. It must be really hard for you too.
Thanks again for your support. I really appreciate it.
Have you discussed your part time work plans with your mum? Would she want you to do that?? It crossed my mind to do the same thing when I found out, but, as I said, once I had adjusted to the situation and started reading the threads on this site, I realised that there’s no way of knowing what will happen in the future. I don’t know how long mum has but at the moment she is managing with dad to support her. Does your mum live on her own? When she needs extra support, that is when I’ll try and go part time but that could be months or years. I’m glad you have your bfriend for support, and pets are fab for distraction. Don’t feel bad about ‘going on’ either. There’s a lot going on in your mind. I am lucky as the other year 3 teacher lost her mum to secondaries (over 20 yrs ago now) so she listens to me.
Anyway, I tend to check these threads quite often so you are more than welcome to contact me. And I know everyone else here is very happy to listen/help. xx
I had already thought about going part time before the bc thing. I just wish I had done it now. Mom has a husband (who’s coping about as well as me I think!) so she is not alone and she has been pretty much visited out.