Anyone else like this ? Finished treatment, WLE, chemo, rads nearly 6 months ago, now on Tamoxifen. Just had mammogram and core biopsy on scar tissue and all ok, but can’t seem to shake off the persistent anxiety. I was ecstatic that my first mammo was clear, but this only lasted a few days. I still worry all the time about any ache or pain (have had a stiff neck for 2 days) and think everything is going to be a recurrence. I feel I should be living life to the full but worry about planning anything too far in advance. I feel really well generally and think I should be grateful, I just wish I could stop worrying oh and loose some weight too!!
Hi Jules
I’m suffering with this too really badly. Never thought I’d be like this and am finding it all really hard. Like you, every niggle, ache, pain, anything which feels different makes me highly anxious. It’s just horrible and I’ve also got all kinds of scans and tests coming up - so nervous about them all too. i think that the first 2-3 years this is how it’s going to be and then maybe after that I’ll settle a bit who knows. It’s really hard to live like this and I’m taking a small dose of an antidepressant to help me sleep which is good because at least I don’t suffer too much in the sleep department. I really feel for you as I hate the way I’m feeling. Hope it helps a little to know you’re not the only one!
xx
Hi jules51,
its quite normal to get a lot of anxiety when your treatment ends and I am sure many others have felt the same. You have spent a lot of time under the caring wings of the hospital and when that ends you feel at a loss and that you have lost your ‘safety net’ - having the appointment for your first check up ties you to the hospital but once that has past you are on your own and that is an uncomfortable feeling for some. You will be OK in time - try not to waste your days worrying about what might happen in years to come. For me, having things to look forward to is the only way to go - I go on holiday or away for a few days and immediately come back and book up something else so I always have something to look forward to - a concert, a play or weekend away. Think back to the endless hours spent in the hospital waiting rooms for an appointment or chemo and thank God you no longer have to do that and now have the time to do the things you want to do.
Clarabelle xx
Hi Jules
I think what you are feeling is really usual and normal. Having a cancer diagnosis is traumatic and there is such stuff and superficial nonsense around about ‘living life to the full’ and ‘moving on’ which just makes the whole process of making sense of what has happened so much harder.
There’s a very good article by Peter Harvey called after Treatment Finsihes…google it…I think you might find it helps.
best wishes
Jane
Hi Jules
I’m the same. Finished treatment end Nov 08 now just on Tamoxifen. Feel horrible all the time. I read Peter Harvey’s article, which was helpful in terms of making how I am /we are feeling ‘normal’, bit not beyond that.
I’ve just passed my year anniversary since dx this week, but although I have mentioned this fact to a lot of people, no one seems interested which is in stark contrast to the reaction this time last year. I guess no one really knows what to say. I feel attention-seeking too. Even OH will not talk about it.
I’m having an MRI scan on Tuesday re a problem with hip pain. I’ve already had a bone scan, which happily was clear so I shouldn’t be too worried but can’t help it. Then I have my 1st annual mammo on 13th May.
I also still have a sore breast + ribs from the rads along with residual side effects from chemo, and effects of Tam bringing on early menopause (just turned 40).
Didn’t mean to go on so, but you are not alone!!
Hugs
Kinden
x
Yep, count me in too with all those feelings - finished chemo 7 months ago, mx in Nov, then finished rads in Feb but am still on Herceptin until August.
It’s coming up to a year since my dx so that date will pass with trepidation.
Am now on anti depressants and am finding life is getting a little easier.
You are not alone.
Hi again Jules and other ladies
Peacock, i’m also on antidepressants but may swap to something stronger and at the moment taking a lose dosage to help me sleep at night. Would you mind me asking what antidepressants you are taking and how long it took you to get used to them.
Thanks
Ruby xx
Hi Ruby
I started on Paroxetine 12 days ago, for the first 5 days I was on half a dose (cut tablet in half) because I felt very nauseaus, but then when the nausea eased I started on the full dose, it will be 2 weeks on Weds.
I don’t find they help me sleep, but I just feel that life is more copeable. I was also given sleeping tablets so sometimes I do take half of one. I wish I could sleep better, its rare for me to get a full nights sleep.
Hope you get some relief soon from your AD and feel better. I think usually it takes about 3 weeks before you feel the full effect, so keep persevering.
Love P xx
Thank you ladies. Nice to know our feelings are normal, it does help you cope in a strange sort of way. I think you are right about family Kinden but I think that they just want everything to be ok too. My family don’t really like talking about breast cancer anymore so I don’t push it, although it is still at the forefront of my mind most days especially if I have an achy ‘off it’ day, which I know everyone gets from time to time. I’m sure we’ll all continue to feel more positive as each month passes, although it will never go away for us.
Jules
Hi Jules, Peacock and all
Peacock thanks for the info. I’m currently taking amitryptylene and have been since diagnosis (June 2007) dunno what I would have done without it. It really does help me sleep and nights I find are hard for me as feels like nobody is around and I get panicky. Just wondering about other types of AD. Somebody recommended something called citalopram which they said was amazing so if I keep up this panicky feeling like Jules has mentioned then I may try either a stronger dose or something different. I do recall that the amytrp made me feel very spaced out in the beginning together with the shock of diagnosis etc.
Jules - every little symptom of anything scares me and it’s really hard. One thing I do at the moment is exercise and jogging - the theory behind it is that if I’m able to do it and feel good doing it and after then things should be ok?!? I also try not to talk too much about it - it scares me and I don’t think others want to be reminded too much about it.
xxxx
Hi ladies reading through your posts makes me realise Im not on my own feeleing like this. We can deal with the ‘big stuff’ ie surgery, chemo but when that has finished its the ‘little things’ I find hard. Ive lost my toenails through chemo, cant sleep, hot sweats, loss of appetite, herceptin put on hold due to a heart problem which I didnt have before.It just seems like one thing after another. No wonder we are all anxious thinking will we ever get back to ‘normal’.
Soulgirl
Can I join?
Only 3 months since last chemo (and due to see Onc for first time tomorrow) and spend my mental energy flitting between thinking “I don’t want to tell anyone about this ache, that pain, just in case” and “OMG why don’t I have my own MRI scanner so that I can daily put my mind at ease”.
There was a thread a while back about the “internal monologue”. Whilst some of it was written by women with secondaries there were posts from primary women (including me) regarding the internal mental conversation you have with yourself trying to rationalise things and not freak out.
Ignorance was bliss. Now my life is dominated with thoughts of whether I will live to make 41, 50, 80 etc etc.
As Clarabelle says making plans helps. This is my year for holidaying. Have already been to Centre Parcs (courtesy of the Willow Foundation), am off to Turkey in less than 2 weeks, off to Iceland in July and off to Italy in October. I have also booked to see Take That, Riverdance and War of the Worlds. Phew! It doesn’t stop me thinking about BC but it helps to have things to look forward to, living to do!!