mortality

HI everyone
Just read a book called before i say goodbye , what a remarkable woman , some of it made me laugh, some of it was sad . Anyway was just wondering , i have had advanced cancer now for 3 years, I keep thinking this is going to be my last year , i even had a 49th birthday bash it was great , thinking i wouldn,t be here for my 50th . Have been on loads of holidays , even got a loan for a cruise , my husband said to me the other day , what if your around for another 10 years , im gonna be broke ha , i couldn,t stop laughing . I read that if you have terminal cancer you have an 18% chance of being here for 5 years, thats very low , so i told my husband and he said what do you want to do now , with a very worried face , i think it was the money he was worried about . But on a happy note what a life i,m having at the mo , if i do go early at least i,ve had a ball these last few years. take care lol x

Hi Carol

Ruth Picardie wrote a weekly column in the Observer about her life with and dying of secondary BC, which her sister & husband published in that book after she died. She was writing in 1997, when I had my primary dx, and, yes, the columns and then her book made me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time.

When I was dx with liver & bone mets in 2003, my partner and I decided to do everything we’d always planned to do “when we retired”, so we had a couple of big trips to amazing faraway places in the first 12 months, and have continued to travel (but more locally!) ever since then. I’m a real fan of chocolate & retail “therapies” (but too embarassed to chronicle them in the “gormless” thread!), and my partner worries that we’ll also run out of money, but I’m already thinking about what I’d like to do for my 60th next year . . .

Marilyn x

Marilyn,

Please post in gormless thread without embarassment. We are sure that retail therapy is an integral part of a secondary disgnosis. I seem to recall Ruth Picardie buying unecessary purchases(Ghost, if i recall).

Marilyn is a paragon of the retail arts. I’ve seen her in both retail and chocolate mode and we could all learn from her fine example!

Jenny
x

Yes Ruth Picardie wroite a whole Observer column on retail therapy (the therapy which works on cancer when the men in white coats and the hairy alternativists have failed.)

Its a beautiful book…including the last chapter by her partner Matt Seaton… a must I think for partners.

I read the Observer columns at the time 1997 and got the book when it was published. Both my parents and one of my best friends died within 2 years 1997-1999 and her book really helped me…and I dragged it off my bookshelves when I was diagnosed in 2003…I still keep rereading bits.

Jane

Carol,
if you run out of money, the solution is simply, sue the health service they are responsible for keeping you here under the threat of ‘terminal illness’ You will be a test case but we will all be there to support you.
My daughters have had to live with 'this could be my last Christmas, birthday, mothers day for the past 5 years (in May). I have had some lovely gifts and I truly do appreciate the pressure they are under. Maybe they could the health service as well.
Please everyone join the ‘gormless’ thread not only is it fun but could go down in social history as being of great worth.
The future victims of the sh.t disease need to know how it effects us and it gives a whole new meaning to the ‘Shop till you drop’
Love Debsxxx

Hi
I am really struggling with this one too. I have secondary cancer but have been NED and on herceptin for three years - so every one, including my partner, thinks I’m okay and will be fine ‘forever after’! I do try to point out that actually that is far from the case and the reality is that when herceptin stops working I could go downhill rapidly (not that I am a doom-mongerer, just trying to be realistic) but I don’t think anyone belives it will happen.
So we are still stuck here letting life’s ordinary problems get in the way (though at least I have reduced my work hours) and I don’t know whether to spend all my savings or hang on to them, and how to persuade my partner to splurge on a once-in-a-lifetime trip when there is a credit crunch and he is worried about keeping his job…arghh!! Have already done mindless spending but now I have survived much longer than originally seemed possible think maybe I should rein in again.
Also my firm has offered me redundancy (£8,000 - so not a life-changing amount) and I don’t know whether to take it. ie if I knew I wasn’t going to be well for much longer I would definitely take it and go on a long holiday - but if I am well for another few years that wouldn’t cover my lost salary …decisions, decisions, I guess no one can take them but ourselves.

Hugs all Justy x

Justy,
last night Ian and were chatting about what we will do now I am having a chemo break. The last 12 months have been relentless and the deteriation in my condition is plain to see. How much is down to 12 tax last year and 15 this year we are not sure, but the next couple of months will paint a clearer picture for us.
We would love to go to Vegas for our 5th wedding anniversary, Australia was put on hold because my liver was about to pack up. We had money at that point but this credit crunch is effecting everyone and everything, so who knows.
I would say if you know you can make those trips, do them now because once this disease takes a grip even with the barbaric treatments we have to endure it only buys us time. I am at the stage where I want a bit more quality with the extra time I have.
Your financial decisions must be made between you and those involved.

Love Debsxxx

No doubt this is a really difficult one. Not just the money (is there any left?), but also the job conflict. My husband is in management. as with most of these jobs, you are expected to work long hard hours. He is also expected by his wife to take regular holidays (this hasn’t really happened), and take days off and leave off early occasionally, as well as being there for the oncologists appointment. Now how on earth does he balance this? With difficulty.

We are off on holiday tomorrow for one week, i did ask him to take one week and one day off, and have just discovered he hasn’t because he is too busy at work. He has worked hard all this week to have the damn holiday!

So ocassionally there is conflict in this house about priorities - how on earth do other resolve this, - i can see both our points of view, but cannot help but feel really upset on occasion.