I had secondary cancer in my spine and chest wall recurrence that was diagnosed about 10 months ago. I’ve had a chest wall excision that had great clearance margins, radiotherapy to my spine and I take Capecitabine and Lapatinib. Not only are my scans clear everywhere but my spine is actually healing! I feel so lucky that my treatment has been so successful and have 4 monthly scans to check everything is still stable.
My problem now is moving on. I’m a little more fatigued then I was before and get quite anxious in stressful situations but other than this I am perfectly healthy. I’m retuning back to work and planning to move from the city to the coast, but I’m finding moving on so much more frightening than before my mets diagnosis.
So glad that all is holding well for you. Im early stage presumed breast cancer or otherwise known as CUP. it must be very scary having secondary and dealing with the moving on. I cant begin to imagine but im sure you will find strength to deal with the future.Wishing you all the best.
It’s lovely to hear that you are doing so well. I do understand you feeling much more frightened now than before 2ndaries were dx. Once we have had that happen we know all to well just how unpredictable this disease can be. But it is still early days for you and I wonder if as time goes on you will find you come to a place where you can feel reasonable comfortable for where you are at. My dx originally was in 1990 and 2ndary dx in 2002. Although the bone mets were extensive there has been a huge amount of healing to a lot of the areas. I find over the years I have found a balance between expecting more years and aware that it might not be so. Hard to explain really but that is how it is for me. I hope with a future ahead of you in returning to work and then planning a move out of the city will help you to focus your mind on other things, and maybe shove the bc into the background a bit more.
Hi Annie
I found it very difficult to move on immediately after my initial treatment for secondaries (chemo) and wouldn’t or couldn’t plan anything other than a few months ahead. And that was only after a ‘good’ CT scan. However I have now adjusted, it’s been 3 years since I got my secondary dx, and I do now plan things and even talk about the future. I have no illusions as to what this future might hold but as I feel very well at the moment I am making the most of things. I think I feel very similar to the way Dawn does and ladies like her have given me that hope that the future is possible. I also found that when I went onto tablet bisphosphonates and didn’t need to go to hospital every 3-4 weeks for blood tests and then sit in the chemo ward for my IV that I could distance myself from the ‘reality’ of bone mets. In fact I only go to hospital now once every 6 months for a chat with my oncologist - long may that continue. Good luck with the move and the return to work - a bit of normality in my life also helped me move forward.
Nicky x
Isn’t it great that you can always find people at the same stage as you and feeling similar and doing similar things on this forum!!
My last active treatment (rads) was in Nov and my last PET scan (last week) was very good. So I’m trying to move on, returning to work (meeting my boss on Fri) and seeking new (my own) accommodation, which may be near the coast!!
Fatigued? Yes, but getting better!:-). I do lots of walking in the park near where I live now, especially when the weather is nice (unlike today) and that seems to help a lot.
Frightened? Yes. But I’ve always been frightened - had mets dx with primary:-(. Just have to take each day as it comes. Keep the frightful monstrous thought out of my mind until about a week before my scan. Have my moments, but then I’m blessed with lots of real friends who have been making me strong, and they’ll continue to do so - in real life and on the forum.
Hope your returning to work goes well and so does the move.
hi Annie
I know exactly where you are at.I had 9 chemo followed by 30 rads,which I finished last August.I was dx just before my 60th birtday so I completed treatment and retired at the same time.When my onc said that was the end of treatment and go away and live a normal life, I had no idea what that was!It felt like someone had taken away my safety net.We then moved to the coast in October.
After getting organised I started to feel calmer and able to face coping with the future.
I still have bad days,days when I panic about the future, but generally I am learning how to cope.Going to a new hospital was a bit scary but all my scans were good and showed that I have no more lung mets,my bone density is ok and the lymph mass has has reduced by 75%.
I try to walk every day and make some me time-reading,sewing or just chilling.
I try to arrange events or short breaks so there is something to look forward to.At the moment busy with my son’s upcoming wedding.
Good luck with starting back to work,just take things slowly and be kind to yourself.Good luck with the move.
Me too Annie, I had a mastectomy/lymph node clearance, followed by six months of chemotherapy, conventional radiotherapy to the mastectomy site/lymph nodes and neck, followed by Cyberknife stereotactic rads for my bone (skull) metastases. I am now on endocrine therapy (Femera), and Bisphosphonates (Bondrenate), to try and stop the cancer returning, and I just go to the Hospital for three monthly checks/blood tests/scans.
So all the cancer that was evident has been treated, and my medical team can’t find anything else.
I don’t profess to have an answer to the fear, and my confidence in the future tends to fluctuate from day to day. For me, one answer (and I’m sure there are many answers), is to tell myself that I have been cured - but cured in the sense of something like flu. In other words, I don’t have flu today, but I might in the future. I know cancer is more serious than flu, but you get my drift.
Hi Annie, good luck with the move…I’ve always found I can forget the bc stuff easier in a different place, in a different scene. It’s so easy to let this disease have too much of our time. I now spend much less time focussed on the disease than I used to. I flit through the latest posts here either first thing in the morning or late at night…one habit I haven’t been able to stop. But for the rest of the day I don’t want to talk about bc, think about bc…while I can, while I’m feeling well. Just trying to make the most of calm times. All the best…xx
Thank you all so much. I have my brave days (mainly) and my not so brave days (rarely) and all you ladies are great. You’ve given me the confidence boost I needed and now I can save this thread to re-read when I need to.
But for the rest of the day I don’t want to talk about bc, think about bc…while I can, while I’m feeling well. Just trying to make the most of calm times. All the best…xx