moving on
moving on I have BRCA1 gene mutation- I found this out in 2004.
My mum died from breast cancer aged 42 in 1987 leaving my Dad to bring up four kids on his own.
In February 2006 I had preventative surgery and had my ovaries removed. This has plunged me into the menopause. I’m taking Livial which helps with the symtoms but doesn’t get rid of them entirely.
In October 2006 I had a preventative bilateral mastectomy and tram flap reconstruction. The surgery has been successful. I had a problem with wound healing but this healed before Christmas.
Through all this process and treatment I kept things together and on the surface coped well. I have two little girls and did the operation to protect them from having to watch me go through treatment for cancer and perhaps die like my mum did.
I was due to go back to work on Monday and had been in for meetings and even been out to a dinner with my boss. As the day approaced I became more and more anxious. Since Christmas I have been horrible at home shouting at the kids and snapping at my husband and sister and the rest of my family.
I’ve had some counselling in the past few weeks which is helping but I feel very fragile. I realise now I am still grieving for my mum and my lost fertility and god knows what else. I have been angry at my family because they aren"t as sad as me. My head knows I have so much to be thankful for but my heart feels so sad and unstable. I am unable to cope with people or unfamiliar situations and my head is all fuzzy.
Even after all the surgery I might still get cancer but I guess I have to live with this risk.
Is there anyone who can give me some hope that the pain will go away and that I will be able to move on and live my life again.
Helpline Hi Lynda
I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing these feelings following your preventative surgery, however, what you are going through is perfectly understandable and these feelings are common after this type of treatment.
I am sure you will get lots of helpful advice and support from the many users of this site, but perhaps it would also help you if you contacted our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you can talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment.
Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse. The team comes from a variety of backgrounds, so callers get to talk to someone who has an understanding of the issues they’re facing. The team is able to talk about both technical and emotional issues surrounding breast cancer and breast health.
The line is open Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm, Saturdays 9am - 2pm
Kind regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Lynda
i just wanted to say i do hope you can work things through and come out feeling better, that sounds so glib its not meant too.
I think although you havent had cancer you are going through some of the same things people like us who have it are.
Loss of breasts loss of periods and fertility and it can make anyone very depressed and down.
I lost my mum 18mnth before my DX with BC and gosh i miss her.
You have gone through grieving for her and making huge huge decisions which i admire you for.
You are doing well start believing it, you are one brave woman who is thinking of others your dear children.
YOU WILL get it together i am sure but do get all the help you can.
The menopausal symptoms are awful i know.
Havent helped much here but do come and tell us how you are
Love Ruthx
Thank you Ruth Thanks so much for your post. It is good to share my feelings like this for such a long time I have kept everything bottled up and pretended to myself that everything was fine. I feel I am turning a corner but still feel I am on a roller coaster ride.
I read your profile I hope your pain is manageable now and that you are getting all the help you need. If this experience has taught me anything it is that you get help if you ask for it and tell others that you need it and if you pertend you are fine then people believe you. I hope you are better at asking for help that I am.
Love Lynda
Hi Lynda Hi Lynda,
I just wanted to say, don’t ever think that you are on your own. I know exactly how you feel, I’ve done and been through exactly the same as you.
Just remember you’ve done really well, what an amazing person you are. Have some time for you and don’t try and run you’ve been through an enormous amount and it will take time to recover.
I hope that you are feeling better, keep in touch
Take care
Lynne x
Feeling better Thanks Lynne
I am feeling better and more positive now. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Not sure if I am off the ride yet. I have had so much support over the past month. I wasn’t feeling supported before because I was pretending to be superwoman.
I’m really glad I had my surgery and that it is over now. Recovery is going well and I am lucky that I had this option. I just need to learn to be more patient with myself which has never been my strong point.
Thanks again
Lynda