Hello, my 87 year old mother has dementia and three months ago we learned she has BC again, same breast same place.
She first had BC when she was 52 and was successfully treated with radiotherapy. When she was 70 she had cancer of the womb. We are being told that due to her dementia, age and scar tissue an operation to remove the lump is not viable nor is a mastectomy. She has a Grade 2 infiltrating ductal carcinoma measuring 17mm. She is on Letrazole. I live in Spain so have not been able to go to every consultation with her, which is difficult as I want to be with her every minute of the day!
I was in the UK last week for a follow up consultation. Iwas shocked at how much weight she has lost and asked for blood tests and a CT scan. I cannot be sure that the weight loss is due to the BC or the dementia - my father is in total denial about everything and struggling to cope so I have to make assumptions all the time.
I am concerned that due to her age and Dementia she is not getting the attention she might do if she were younger. I would love to hear from anyone who has a similar experience.
Thankyou for reading my first post.
Amanda
Dear Amanda
Please do call our freephone helpline for information and support - 0808 800 6000 Monday to Friday 9-5 and Saturday’s 10-2.
Also there is a wealth of information in our online publications and the following link is information on Ductal Carcinoma in Situ.
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/ductal-carcinoma-situ-dcis-bcc39
I am sure that you will receive loads of online support from our lovely community.
Best wishes
Anna
Hi Amanda
Wow, that’s a lot to deal with and I hope you get some replies on here that will help. I’m not in a similar situation at all but my mother in law does have dementia so I know that just coping with that alone is huge.
There are so many questions to ask here. One of the issues is probably that you don’t have any sort of relationship with her consultant so trusting in decisions made must be very difficult. It does sound like you need things much more fully explained than they currently are.
I’d also have a lot of questions: How do they expect the cancer will progress with just letrozole as a treatment? What specifically about dementia and her age rule out surgery as an option? if she doesn’t have surgery and just letrozole what support and follow up will your mother be getting? Is it time that she went into a nursing home where she can receive the kind of ongoing and 24 hr support that she needs? What is your father’s health/mental state like? Is he getting support? Are social services currently giving any support? Is there someone else who could go with your mother to her appointments apart from your father? Have you had an appointment with your mother’s GP to discuss the situation? Are your father’s health needs being met? Do they have meals on wheels?
The weight loss could well be the dementia. From what I understand this is quite common and I know my mother in law has lost over 2 stone inspite of the family taking her meals etc. She finds it difficult to eat, forgets to eat and doesn’t have the same appetite as she used to. She needs a lot of prompting to eat.
I think you really do need to get some other outside agency involved such as AGE UK and get some specific advice on the kind of help that could be made available to your mother and greater info on her age/dementia specifically with why this might make surgery less advisable. Also the Breast Cancer Care helpline might be able to give you advice re the cancer.
Would it be possible for you to come over to UK for a month to try and sort things out? I know that might be very difficult but I think the amount of worry this is going to give you might make this the better option.
No answers I’m afraid just lots of questions. Definitely get some further advice from Age UK and Breast Cancer Care.
Elinda x
Hi Amanda,
Your poor mum (and dad). I am so sorry.
My mum had breast cancer when aged 84. Her age didn’t come into it at all. She had a mastectomy and radiotherapy. She sailed through both. She lived another 5 years, 3 of them in good health. She died aged 89 of something entirely different. All this was over 12 years ago.
Also, when I was in hospital having my lumpectomy this last January, there was a very elderly lady in a side room on my day ward. She had dementia (her daughter was with her throughout) and went down for a mastectomy. I don’t know her details, but she was wheeled back to the day ward, so was presumably OK.
I think it may be down to general health rather than age or dementia.
I think there are many factors to consider in somebody like your mother.
General health is certainly more important than her age, but people with dementia frequently become very frail, due to poor nutrition. Also this state can delay healing. Secondly, breast cancer in someone of her age is frequently less aggressive, and as such it is worth discussing with the oncologist exactly what her general prognosis is, as far as the cancer is concerned. It may be that it will not significantly impact her lifespan or quality of life, in which case heroic surgeries and aggressive treatments may not be the route of choice anyway.
You are in a very difficult situation, especially living a distance from her, and it must be very distressing for you, my heart goes out to you. xxx
Hi.
I am so sorry your are all going through this, I think Morwenna brings up a very valid point, your Mum could die with cancer rather than of it. I have heard that the older you are the more slow growing the cancer.
The other ladies touched on a good point, I don’t think age is a consideration here these days, it really is all about general health, her mental capicity to understand what is happening and her agreeing , or not…, to treatment.
Elinda’s questions were also very good, ones to take a note of and ask her Onc.
I think your Dad really could do with the support of such a lovely daughter at this stage in his life, perhaps an extended holiday over here may make things a bit clearer for you and give your Dad the support he needs.
Don’t forget your wellies and raincoat, we are talking about summertime here! Good luck and hugs…