Mum has advanced secondary breast cancer


I am 27 years old and looking to speak with people in a similar situation to myself. My mum has secondary breast cancer in lungs and bones and has just been told there isn’t much more that can be done, they aren’t sure but think she has months left. 

I am devastated and struggling to cope! She is my best friend and I can’t imagine going through life without her by my side having children etc. Would love if anything who is in or has been in a similar situation to reach out and chat! 

Hi , May be worth posting in the Living with secondary cancer section too there are a couple of ladies I think going through similar and supporting their Mums . Best wishes Jill . 


I’m so sorry to read your story. My oncologist frequently says Stage 4 is harder for loved ones than it is for the patient. The patient has treatment to focus on but carers have nothing within their control. I do tend to glare at him when he says it but I think he’s right. My husband is like he’s lost life’s compass.

Do you have a Maggie’s Centre you can access? I know a lot of support was removed with Covid but Maggie’s remained open. You can drop in and chill, you can talk to a trained counsellor, there are carers’ support groups. If there is one a distance away, you’re still able to use it. Anyone can,  If you don’t, have a look via Google at things like Penny Brohn, Look Good Feel Better the breast cancer and cancer charities and see what they offer on Zoom. That was the first kind of peer support I got. You may also find a Facebook group - I didn’t like the idea but I found a couple which provide invaluable support as a person living with secondary TNBC, the TN especially. 

You might also ask your mum’s hospital or the breast care nurses, I’ve only now discovered my oncology department has an Adult Social Care service. If there’s one, they may be able to advise you. It’s frustrating because, although restrictions have been lifted, Covid hasn’t gone away and setting up the strong support services under the auspices of Macmillan just doesn’t seem to be happening yet. Also, although all carers and loved ones have much in common, you really need someone of a similar age. I wonder if the BCN Someone Like Me service extends to carers. It might be worth looking that up.

I wish you and your mum all the best

Jan ( carer of carer who is struggling) xx

Hi r94. 

Stopping by to send you some lovin’. 

I’m so very sorry you, your mom, and family are being attacked with this.