Mum is feeling really low - trying to support her as much as we can

Some of you might remember me from my previous posts about my mum’s BC.
Mum was diagnosed a couple of months ago and she has just had her second lot of chemo. She didnt think or at least she was hoping she wouldn’t loose too much of her hair but unfortunately she has started to loose quite a lot. This has really freaked her out and as a result her moods have changed so much, which is heart breaking to see. Up until now she has been so strong and positive but the past week she has become really distant and has that hoplessness look in her eyes. I think it has really hit her now that she is ill and it will be a while before she will be back to herself again. Also no one except the immediate family knows about her BC so with the hair loss she is really worried that people will start asking questions. I know a large part of the way she is feeling now is due to the chemo but I feel at a loss as to what I should be doing to help and support her. She is still working as she wants to retain some normality in her life but I have told her to listen to her body and reduce her hours if she is getting too tired.
I would be grateful for any ideas on how I can help make mum feel a bit better about herself and her current situation. she has 4 more session of chemo and I am so scared that it will make her feel worse then she already does.

Hi Kat,

Please do give our helpline team a ring and have a chat, they’re here to support you and your mum through this. Calls are free, 0808 800 6000 lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 10-2.

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

Kat, have you got a look good feel better course near you ?, I googled it and found that my local Maggies Centre runs them. They are spam peering sessions designed for women with bc, and I gather you are given a bag full of goodies afterwards. It’s all free but you have to book. I’m going in October and looking forward to it.
do you think your Mum would like some home treatments, like a pedicure or manicure for a beauty therapist at home ? Also, maybe trying to see if she could talk to others locally in the same situation.
its a very isolating experience having bc. Your Mum is so lucky to have you

Should have read they are pampering sessions !! Predictive txt

Hello again Kat,
Your mum’s doing really well to keep work up so far. I tried to work inbetween my 3 weekly chemo cycles, but couldn’t keep it up after round 3.
MacMillan could be a really good source of advice for you mum, as they’d combine advice on working, financial support and also provide free relaxation treatments etc.
Maybe talking to someone could help her come to terms with the impacts of treatment.
Good luck, Sarah

Hi Kat
So sorry to hear your Mum is struggling. I’m in a similar situation as you and trying to keep my Mum’s spirits up, she’s on her second cycle as well (we had a massive wobble of will she, won’t she, even attempt chemo at one point). I agree with you about the chemo causing some of the mood changes because my Mum goes up and down. Is your Mum doing the cold cap treatment? Would she feel comfortable having her hair restyled to cover her hair loss?

It sounds like you are doing a great job of just being there, listening and advising her, it’s so frustrating that we can’t just take all the worry, fear and hurt away from them. I’m sorry I can’t give much advice but didn’t want to read and run. I think the most important thing is for her to know that you are there for her and that you think she is beautiful inside and out.

Hi Katt,

Bless you. What a difficult situation for you all. Stay strong. Cancer rally messes with the mind (trust me, I’m a mental health nurse of over 25 years so know a bit about how the mind works and also breaks!). Yor mum will have good and bad days both physically and emotioanlly. When she’s down you’ll be there for her. When you are down she will be there for you too. use your freinds and don’t be afraid to ask to for help - even practical help to take the pressure off.
I have cancer and was daignosed after watching my mum being daignosed and suffering badly on chemo. We are getting there now.
Take care and sincerely wishing you and your family well.


Hi All,
I am very new to this site and can I just say I am glad to have found such a lovely site from reading the comments I can see how much support is being given.

I am 21 years old and today my mother told me she has breast cancer in her left breast. I am in total shock! My mother is healthy and active and only 50 years old. My mother had known since July 23rd however hasn’t wanted to tell me until now as it was my 21st birthday last week and she didn’t want to spoil it. My mother has been to many hospital appointments with my auntie so I am glad she hasn’t faced this alone. My brother is 17 and has just got back from Spain and receives his a level results tomorrow so mum doesn’t want to tell him until the weekend.

My mother is going for bone scans on Monday and starts chemo a week Friday. She told me she will be having it every 3 weeks for 6 sessions. My father and mother have parted and my mother does not want me to tell my father. I feel very alone although I have wonderful friends and a boyfriend who is amazing. It is now 2.45am and I can not sleep. Things just keep going around in my head and I keep researching different things on the Internet. However I do feel slightly better after writing this.
My thoughts and prays are with all of you
Chsrlotte x

Hi Charlotte
I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I’m not sure I can say anything that will help make you feel better about the situation you’re in but I can totally empathise with you. You are not alone and coming on to this forum you will find a lot of support and valuable information.
As you can see from my previous post my mum is going through chemo at the moment. It is tough watching mum suffer but at the same time I am relived that she has started treatment so she is now on her way to beating this horrible disease. I also find going with mum to her appointments help me a lot in dealing with the situation as I have a better understanding of what’s going on.
I hope all goes well for your mum when she has her first chemo next week.
Take care and hugs.
Kat xx