Mum is having her surgery now and my diary about mum

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41

I have spoken briefly to mum today. I rang at twelve but dad said she had gone back to bed for a nap as had been up quite early and was very tired. Hubby and I went to the Weatherspoon for lunch today. We walked there and back three miles. We had a bit of a result. The meal turned up, and I bit into one of the roast potatoes and it was frozen solid in the middle, I cut the others open and they were the same! I didn’t make a fuss just took the frozen ones up to the bar and asked for some more and they were fine. They came out quickly piping hot and we were more than happy. Then the young guy who had served us came over and gave us a full refund!! I said Oh I didn’t ask for a refund, he said I know but your good customers and it should not have happened, so we had a nice roast dinner for free!!!

Lindlyloo.

You have been a very good friend to me in the last few months, and I feel lucky to have made such a good friend in you so thank you for your good wishes. Once you are feeling better we must organise that meal we mentioned with our hubbies.

You are right about my daughter and her depression. Even though she is suffering herself, she understood that I needed to see my mum on Thursday, even though I was torn that I could no go with her for her appointment. Becky came with me to see her granny yesterday and it cheered both of them up as they had a good old chinwag. Mum always wants to know her beauty secrets etc. lol Becky feels guilty that sometimes due to work commitments or how shes feeling due to the depression, she doesnt always have time to visit granny, but granny understands as granny is the most undemanding person ever. This is a time when she deserves attention, but she has never been one for seeking attention and would rather carry on as normal. It is not going to happen as she is going to be smothered with attention whether she likes it or not!

Suzynala

What is your mum like lol she is a right character isnt she! And your right naughty just doesnt fit it does it lol

I know exactly what you mean about the lympth nodes. We are in the same position. We will not know for about ten days if they are clear or affected. Also whether they have taken enough and there is clear margins and whether the rest of the breast will have to go. In my heart I have accepted the nodes are going to be affected. Mum wasn’t dx early with bc, so there is a good chance that they are affected, and if there not it will be a bonus.

We both seem to be at similar stages with our mums, can you please keep me uptodated how she is doing.

Allyt

the newly married Mrs white) lol

Thanks for your support, you have been a great support to me on facebook and I am sorry that I couldnt not make it up to my homeland to your hen night!!

I do enjoy our chats and messages (think there have been a lot more than two lol)

I hope your right about the BC not getting the better of her. She certainly is not one to lie down and give in, so fingers crossed that all that strength she has will beat bc once and for all.

Thank you again sweetie.

Love Jules xxxx

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Hi jules,
Heres hoping your mum has a good week and gets plenty of rest too.

karen xx

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hi jules ,glad to see your mum is continuing to recover well ,seems like she knows when to rest which is good.waiting for results is the pits ,i hate it when ive had my liver scan and then have to wait weeks for the results ,its a wonder im not snow white now insted of metal grey !!!(hair i mean )!!at least you will know whats what when the results do come back ,i expect rads are on the cards ? what about chemo? has this been suggested .? .i have my appointment to see the onc early august something im dreading as ive been getting more pain in my liver lately.fingers crossed all round eh ! anyway catch up soon take care .lynn x

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lindyloo calls me Mrs blonde as I have a few blonde moments, and I had one yesterday! I meant to continue about mum after my saga with the roast potatoes but forgot! Anyway I did call mum back after we got back from the pub, and she came to the phone but only spoke about five minutes as she was exhausted. I think its finally starting to hit her that she has had major surgery and can’t be super women. She also is very hard of hearing so along with being very tired, trying to hear on the phone in itself can be a terrible strain for her and that really upsets me as I know how it gets to her. I shall be popping to see her this afternoon, after work.

Thanks Karen for your good wishes, we did have a giggle last night on face book didnt we! You certainly know how to keep my spirits up.

And Lynn, mum will get the results in ten days. Unfortunately if they do not have clear margins as it was partial rather than full mastectomy there will be more sugery I am afraid. She will definately have rads, and there saying a good chance of chemo to I am afraid :frowning: which I was hoping could be avoided. I know for a fact it will break my heart if she looses her hair. But we shall see. Also we will find out if there is node involvement too.

I really feel for you Lynn what a terrible worry, you always seem so upbeat and cheerful while your going through so much. I will have every finger and toe crossed for you. Thank you again for the kindness you have shown me.

The only good thing that has come out of mum having cancer, is I have made some fantastic friends with some lovely ladies who I would not have met otherwise, you know who you all are and I am so honoured to have you as my friends.

Jules xxxx

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What a lovely day today in the garden of England! Just been out for a two hour walk and a nice sit in the park.

Was supposed to be seeing mum today, but when hubby picked me up from work he told me that dad had called saying that her drains were ready to come out (he has been measuring them every morning) and she had to go to the Royal Marsden to have them removed. She also had some blisters around the wound where the drains were. They are very sore. She said the journey to the hospital and back 50 mins each way was quite tiring, but they stopped on the way back at a place called Fannys farm for afternoon tea. It is hard to believe she had major surgery on Thursday and is 68 and by the Monday she has stopped to have afternoon tea!!

I felt a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to see her as not seen her since Saturday, and I feel I just want to spend as much time with her as possible, so we are meeting up tomorrow for afternoon tea at a nice tearoom nearby.

My daughter was supposed to start the actual programme (5 hours of cbt this Weds) last week was an introduction. She had booked the day of work and got her self a bit worked up about it all, to be rung and told today the therapist is sick so they will have to re-schedule. She was a bit fed up.

Hope you are all bearing up as well as can be expected.

Jules xx

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Hi Jules
I have been following your post glad your mum is doing well.
Enjoy your afternoon tea.

Love Debsxxxx

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Thank you Debs, the weather looks set to be beautiful this week, so will have a nice walk too, (not mum though!!) She will be allowed her tea and a nice seat in the sunshine.

Hope you are doing ok at the moment.

Jules xxx

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Hi jules,
Glad to hear your mums drains are out.
I’ve e-mailed you.
Enjoy your afternoon with your mum tomorrow.

Karen x

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Hi Jules

Just caught up on this thread and hope that you and your mum are doing well. Do let us know when you get the follow up appointment and what that brings.

Chrissie, I read your posts regarding your dad, and I know that at some point I have to cope with my parents too and it’s not something I look foward to but you were amazing.

I am a little envious of families that are very close as my parents are over 200 miles away, Dad did not cope at all well with my sister and I haven’t seen him since Christmas. My treatment is over now so hopefully it will make it easier to see him soon.

I don’t think any of us likes to think about losing our parents and hopefully Jules, this will be way in the future.

Best wishes to you all

Dawnflower

xxxxx

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Thank you karen, I have emailed you back! I think you will laugh when you see what I have written to you lol

I meant to say mum also had her acupuncture needles out at the hospital today! They forgot to take them out after her surgery.

Thanks Dawn for your good wishes. I prey that mum will be around for a long long time as the other option is to unbearable to think about. There is no reason to think that she won’t be as (everybody I meet, seems to know someone who has recovered from breast cancer) so I have to cling to that hope and be positive.

Sorry that things have been hard for you with your family.

Jules xxxx

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Hi Dawnflower
My dad died nearly 4 years ago and it’s still very painful but what I’ve done to cope, is to remember his qualities and try to keep them going in me, that way he still lives on and hopefully I can pass them on to my children. My Mum has never come to terms with his death and I’m watching her deteriorate. I get annoyed with her at times as I wish she’d live for the living, but she just doesn’t want to be here without him.
It must be really hard for you to live so far away, my Mum lives spitting distance and it can be quite demanding but I’d not have it any other way. I have a photo of him on my mantel that I took with the first camera he bought me. I love it as he’s smiling and I just remember that at that moment he was smiling at me.

Your Mum seems to be a fighter Jules and I wish her all the best for a speedy recovery.

Chrissie xxx

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I would like to say to all of you with parents around, whether miles away or not, appreciate them every day you have them. My Dad died 15 years ago with a massive stroke. He was sitting watching Crimewatch of all things, and my Mum heard a groan, and realised he had slumped in his chair. He was in hospital two weeks before he died, but none of us really got the chance to say goodbye in a way, because he didn’t know us, he wasn’t really in the land of the living, although his eyes were open some of the time. He was funny, jokey, had loads of pals, always cheerful, you never heard him raise his voice, wonderful father and grandad. Mum died five years later to the month, she had had niggley pains around her upper abdomen, doctor said possibly ulcer, then said thought possibly gallstones. She eventually got a referral to the hospital about 7 - 8 weeks later, and after having an ultrasound sound was told she had liver cancer. She was taken from outpatients straight to the ward. We were all in a state of shock. She died 4 weeks after being told of the diagnosis. She was slim, fit and healthy, didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, and was careful what she ate, it was so unfair of all the people for it to happen to. However, they think it had possibly come from the bowel or the ovary, but it was so far spread that they couldn’t really be sure. There is bowel cancer history in the family. I can still see her lovely face, she was such a gentle woman, quiet and a wonderful mother, she puts me to shame, she was the typical archetypal original mum, always baking, always cooking, always organised. Always there for the three of us, but I know because I was the youngest, 9 years between me and my sister, and always a bit of a scatterbrain, she especially worried about me. She told me often enough, bless her. I miss them so much, and really could have done with them around me when I was diagnosed and also going through my divorce all around the same time.

Even though it is 10 years and 15 years ago now, I still find it hard, and am sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this. Like Chrissie I just appreciate their good qualities and know I was blessed to have parents like them. We never had much, money wise, Dad was a motor mechanic, and worked for the latter 20 years of his life in a local bicycle shop fixing the bikes, but I had a fabulous childhood, and that is what I remember, not the last few painful weeks.

Julie x

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Sorry you’ve lost both of your parents Julie. I remember thinking ‘I’m not old enough to lose my Dad’ I was 42 at the time.
The worst part was the carers that came in every day, they meant well but would be so cheerful and make jokey comments, often quite personal, while they were changing him or hoisting him from his bed to the chair. I always stayed out of the room so he could at least have some dignity. Sometimes after they had been he would be in tears out of sheer humiliation.
He was also my best friend. I could tell him anything and it would never go any further, we ran half marathons together and trained together.
My childhood sounds very similar to yours, I was the baby also.

Chrissie xx

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Yes Julie, I am reallly sorry that you have lost both your parents. My hubby is the same and I do feel for him. He lost his mum to breast cancer when he was13! And when he lost his dad a couple of years ago it brought all the emotions back of loosing his mum so young. I feel for him and for you I reall do. I have sent a huge cyber hug.

And thanks for your good wishes Chrissie, and yes she is a fighter, she puts me to shame at times I can tell you. I was still feeling very sorry for myself a few days after my lumpectomy but shes well, amazing.

We are meeting for afternoon tea after I finish work, and hubby has an appointment at hospital too. I hope she rests this morning so she will be ok for her little trip out.

Love to all.

Jules xxx

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hi jules ,do you know sometimes i wish id had a mum and dad around while i was growing up .mum died when i was a baby and dad took myself and my sister to bristol and just left us there .never heard of him since, hed be over 90 now so probably passed over ,it wasnt untill i was 21 i m et the rest of the family, turns out i was the youngest of 8 ! they werent told where my sister and myself where taken .the home we were in was horrendous ,but we got through it .now i sometimes think about how things would have been if we were all together ,thats why i think i keep my own kids really close to me ,and they in turn really look after me,i can see that you are very close to your mum and im sure she really appreciates having a daughter like you ,ive been blessed with 2 of each ,my sons live a way a way from me, but my daughters are local . i do hope your mum continues to recover well ,and im sure you wont let her overreach herself !! take care lynn x

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Thanks girls. I just wanted to say cherish every moment, but I waffled a bit, and then got myself upset in the bargain. Stupid woman that I am.

To Jules - we all seem to be hijacking your thread with eulogies for long lost parents !! Sorry !

To Chrissie - the whole dignity thing is so important. In a way I’m glad that neither of my parents suffered for months in a hospital ward, or end up with Alzheimer’s like my friend’s Mother had for 10 years. She was such a private person, and dignified quiet lady, she would have been mortified at the prospect. Once she was diagnosed and told her basically there wasn’t anything they could do and all care would be purely palliative, we took her home to her house, and my Sister and I looked after her around the clock, when I was doing my shift, either my then husband or my sister had my two boys. I took compassionate leave from my job for 5 weeks. We used to swop about 2.00 every afternoon. Then two and a half weeks later, she had a blood clot in her leg, and was readmitted for a few days, before she died. The nurses that looked after my Mum were fab, in fact one of them actually works on the ward next to me now and we have often chatted about my Mum. I work for a cardiologist in the hospital where both my parents died, but I’ve worked here for over 25 years, so I have mixed memories of the place, good and bad.

Anyway promise I won’t hijack your thread again !!!

Julie

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To Lynn

Your story is very sad, a friend of mine had a very similar upbringing, and is one of the reasons I will always be eternally grateful for the childhood I had.

Julie

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Hi Gals

As I’ve got older, I’ve learnt that everybody has a story to tell and some of them are mega moving.

Since surgery, I appreciate waking up every day much more than before (since I had blood clots on the lungs from chemo) prior to surgery and this as well at bc makes you value relationships much more.

I’m sure anyone needing support and compassion finds it on this site. I investigated being a volunteer but cannot do so until 18 months down the line…

Jules1964, I hope your mum is continuing to improve, Chrissie, I hope you are taking it easy.

Dawnflower

xxx

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Julie, don’t be silly!! More Hugs.

Lynn, OMG that has made me feel so sad, what a horrible man you dad was. Mum also has my sister who fusses as much as me, so she has it in stereo.

Dawnflower, thanks for your goodwishes.

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Met mum today at half past three in Farningham. We met (hubby and I) with mum and dad. We sat in the afternoon sunshine and had afternoon tea for about an hour. I kept looking at her and thinking how the hell are you doing so well when you had majory surgery five days ago!!

But being mum she continued to amaze, she went for a WALK!! I thought she would have her tea and then go back to the car, but hubby and I went for a three mile walk, but mum did a MILE of it. I bet she was tired when she got home and is probably sleeping now.

So my my update today is mum is doing fantastically.

She has not had her appointment through yet for her pathology results, I would imagine she will get it by the end of this week.

Jules xxxx