Hi there. I am new to this site. My mum was diagnosed with Primary Breast Cancer on the 4th November 2010. It was discovered after a routine Mammogram 6 days previously. Mum is 67 years old and very worried and frightened. She is being very brave about it all and I and my Family are doing all we can to support her, although we are new to all this too. My mum will not talk about the Cancer only to say that the doctors have found something, she refuses to use the term Cancer. On the Friday 5th November, I feel down the stairs at home and very badly injured my ankle and have been unable to drive and will not be able to do so for several weeks, I haven’t been over to see my mum and feel very guilty. Mum also suffers with agrophobia and cannot go out alone, so this makes things very difficult.
I just wanted to contact anyone who is in the same position with a parent/relative going through this. Many thanks Chelie
sorro to hear yoru moms news.
my mom was diangnosed 24/11/09, and had to have a lumpectomy twice then a mx.
she never used to talk to us about it, like your mom , just telling us what the doctors said. she cried a lot and was very very quiet. she didnt have to have any cemo, and i really dont know if she could have coped with that. but saying that everyone copes in differnet ways.
i was diagnosed also with breast cancer 20th sept, and start cemo monday, so being on the flip side, i dont tell my family much as i dont want to worry them, and i think now thats what my mom was doing.
all you can do is be there for when she needs you.
poo about your anckle, maybe you coudl get a lift to your moms and stay there for a few days. and look after each other.
thsi forum is great support and if your mom has access to the net suggest it for her.
there are also local help groups, maybe that would help you mom go out too.
xxkaz
Hi Cheli, Not the same circumstances but I too have BC and I can totally relate to your Mum not wanting to talk about it or say the word Cancer…
The first time I did must have been a monht after my DX when I phoned my Mum in the UK and told her i had cancer, I just broke down, I think eventually your Mum will come to terms with it and once she has her treatment plan laid out it doe’s get easier to accept.
Don’t beat yourself up either, these things happen, I live in Spain and have my siblings mum, dad, etc all in the UK, It is difficult but you do manage, and all the treatment is doable…
Just do what your doing now, listen to your Mum when she’s ready to talk…
Thank you both so much for contacting me. I am finding this all so very difficult. I have spoken to my brother today and he will be driving us all to the appointment on Tuesday at the RUH in Bath to meet up with Mum’s surgeon and discuss her surgery and treatment. Mum was diagnosed with a 18mm tumour, Invasive ductive carconoma. Sorry, if the spelling is wrong.
Because the word invasive is being used, does this mean that this is a form that could spread, if I understand it correctly?.
Hi Michele - I can relate to some of what you have said about your mother.
I , too was picked up with no symptoms on a routine mammogram aged 65. I had the usual tests in clinic and then was admitted for Wide Local Excision (lumpectomy) and SNB (Sentinel Node Biopsy) This revealed the size and grade of the tumour, (grade 3 and 24mm), that I had invasive ductal cancer and that it had spread to the nodes. Because of this I had to have a second op. - full axillary clearance. In fact the cancer had only spread to one node - but because of the high grade of the tumour I had to have 6 sessions of chemotherapy before I had radiotherapy. Chemotherapy is not nice - and worse for some people than others- but it passes. Rads. are far less unpleasant.(for most people) I’m now 2 years on from diagnosis and on Arimidex for 5 years and feel really well.
The initial diagnosis is a terrible shock- these things always happen to someone else and not us: I remember feeling a mixture of anger and indignation that this was happening to ME .
Once you’ve seen the onc and heard the treatment plan it does get a bit better. You can also be told your prognosis statistically -if you want to know it - but that is up to each individual;- not everyone wants the whole truth- and anyway - it’s only stats!.
As I say, once treatment starts it does get easier: it is the adjusting to the diagnosis and realising that you are not immortal after all that is really quite difficult- particularly if you have been in v. good health up to this point.
There is a new thread on these forums for post menopausal women which I think your mother might find helpful- if she is into computers. I think you may also find that she already knows other people with BC ( I have had at least a dozen amongst my friends and acquaintances over the past 15 years - including my own 32-year-old daughter) She will certainly meet many more when she attends hospital- so it may be that she has other support systems that you don’t know of - and she is just trying to shield you and play down her own worries. - as parents do, however old their children.
It may also be that there has been no spread to the lymph glands in your mother’s case and that she will not need chemotherapy - or it may be that she did not have ‘clear margins’ and will need further surgery: I assume from what you have said that she has not had to have a mastectomy so far- but perhaps that is now being considered?
When you have more info I’m sure you will find there are lots of leaflets available, breast care nurses etc etc at the hospital - and of course these forums are a mine of information - and will help YOU to follow what is happening to your Mum and how best you can support her- it is a long journey and she will need you.
Thank you so very much for your reply. I am grateful for all the support and although feeling very anxious about tomorrow, I feel that the Oncology appointment tomorrow will be the start of the journey and hopefully we can start to look at the treatment. Mum, has not had an operation of any kind at the moment.
The size of the tumour was given to us by the Doctor at Swindon Great Western Hospital on the 4th November from the Biopsy that Mum had. The sad thing is Mum didn’t know that she was going for a Biopsy on the day she had it, as a letter that was due to come out to her never arrived, which would have explained the appointment, I am quite annoyed about this, but at least she didn’t have a week of worry, which she is saying and I do in a way agree, but just wish the hospital had got it right in the first place.
We all thought she was having another Mammogram, as the images were not to clear, well that was what she was told, nothing about a Biopsy at all. The Doctor did apologise, but it wasn’t a very nice situation at all and a hell of a shock, when you are not expecting it. However, we have to move forward and we will know that meeting the Surgeon tomorrow, will be a beginning. I have to say that all Mum received was a phone call telling her to come for an appointment, even I spoke to them and they did not mention once that she was having a Biopsy.
Hello again chelie- I am pleased that what I wrote has helped a bit.
It has obviously made matters worse for your mother that she didn’t expect to have the biopsy when she was recalled after her mammo: I think it is standard practice to do this if the mammo looks dodgy- I rather assumed that there would be further tests - just as I had already assumed that the re-call probably meant that I did have BC.
I do hope the appointment tomorrow is helpful- and reassuring: it is important that your mother has someone with her to ensure that she does not miss anything that is said- but there will be a BC nurse there and I think you’ll find her a great help. In Leicester where I was treated , the clinics are always really busy and I think people have to wait far too long- which is a great additional stress: I do hope that that is not the case in Bath. I shall be thinking of you & your mother tomorrow.
Thank you. Mums appointment in Bath as she has opted to have her treatment there and not Swindon. Although the team are lovely, mum would have had to have her radiotherapy in Bath, as they don’t do this in Swindon. I know that the staff in Bath are lovely lots of good support.
I will be in contact again to let you know how we get on tomorrow. Michele x
Hi Michelle
When I was recalled after screening I was given an ultrasound. Because they found something at the ultrasound, then they automatically did a biopsy there and then.
My cancer is classed as invasive, but I had node sampling and they were clear. My onc said it is classed as invasive because it has spread from the ducts and “invaded” the breast tissue (or something like that).
Julie
Just to say I will be thinking of you tomorrow. The team in Bath are fab and if your mum has the same surgeon as I did, he is amazing! She will be well looked after.
Take care
Jackie xxx
Hi. Just to let you all now that Mum had her appointment at Bath on Tuesday 16 Nov and met with the onc surgeon. He has told us that Mum has calcification around the tumour and he wanted her to have another Mammogram and a Core Biopsy done on Tuesday too, which we were not expecting. Mum was very brave and went along with all she was asked, although my brother and I had to talk to her as she was having problems understanding what was going on and why. Mum is very hard of hearing, wears two aids and was finding it very difficult and we had to keep her relaxed and calm.
Mum was told by the surgeon that if the calcification is extensive then she will have to have a Mastectomy and not a lumpectomy as was previously discussed at Swindon. The Mammogram at swindon did not give clear enough images as they were not digital, that was why she had to have another Mammogram at Bath.
We have to go back next Tuesday for the results and hopefully the treatment will start, obviously I now surgery is first but this is all so surreal at the moment. Thank you for all your support. God Bless x x x Michele