Hi,
Just found out today my mum is having a breast cancer operation tommorrow. She spotted a lump in April but was too scared to tell anyone about it - also as she always puts herself first she didn’t want to worry anyone… So she only told her husband and me today so still in shock. Mad at her for not telling anyone (especially the doc), but don’t want to be angry with her. Shes been under alot of stress for last 10 years as a carer for my brother who has schizonphrenia - he was admitted to hospital again afew days ago - again she is more worried about him!
Don’t know much about the detail apart from the fact that she found a tumour and it started leaking.What is that as I can’t find that sympton anywhere? I dread to think how big it maybe after 4 months?
Thing is I thought there has been something wrong for afew months as there was a funny smell coming from her - this must be the leak? Also now realised why she kept fairly covered up and didn’t want me to see her…
My step-dad also feels guilty that he didn’t spot all this before…
Surgeon just told my step-dad it doesn’t look good - but not sure if that means the mascetomy won’t cure it and the cancer has spread elsewhere. How treatable is it if it spreads past the breast?
Going up to see her on friday after the op as she doesnt want me to see her before the op in the state she is in - I respect her wishes but then think what if the op goes wrong and she dies and I don’t get to see her alive again?
May ring the helpline as not really sure what to do next. Thanks in advance.
Welcome to the Forums, I am sure you will receive plenty of advice and support from other users.
I am sorry to hear of your Mums diagnosis. It sounds like you’re having a tough time coming to terms with it. Please do feel free to contact our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment.
Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse and you are able to talk about both technical and emotional issues surrounding breast cancer. The helpline is available Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
I’m so sorry to hear of your mums diagnosis but I am glad you have found this site. You are in good company here and I’m sure you will be inundated with help and support.
I was diagnosed in march, age 34. I had a mastectomy and am currently going through chemo. At some point (if she hasn’t done so already) your mum will no doubt have any number of ‘tests’ to check for further spread. Every hosp and every oncologist is different so what she will have will depend on that. As a rule she will prob have something like an MRI or CT scan and perhaps a bone scan too. If there is any further spread then hopefully these tests will pick it up, although they are not always conclusive.
I had these tests after my surgery as the cancer was found to be in my lymph nodes so they were concerned about further spread. When I asked my oncologist and breast care nurse what would happen if the cancer had spread I was told that my chemo and the rest of my treatment would be adjusted to cater for this. As it happens, so far all my tests have come back clear but I know only too well that this does not mean I’m out of the woods. So, its chemo for me, then radiotherapy, the Herceptin and hormone treatment.
After surgery your mum will have a follow-up appt with her surgeon. This is when she will prob be told the results ie: how large the tumour was, what grade it is, whether any lymph nodes were affected and probably whether or not it is ‘hormone receptive’. I would strongly suggest that someone goes with your mum to this appt. I was bombarded with information and found it quite hard to take it all in. Having someone else there was great, not only for support but also as a second pair of ears.
I am sorry that your mum has only just told you and your step-dad but I’ve no doubt she had her reasons. When you are told you have cancer it can be very hard to deal with, telling people makes it all the more ‘real’ if you get what I mean. Also, it sounds like she didn’t really want to worry anyone, I can understand this.
I hope your mums op goes well today and that she is feeling much better about things when you go and see her tomorrow. I would definately recommend ringing the helpline, I have done it several times and find it invaluable,
Take care of yourself and be sure to keep in touch,
I didn’t tell my sons until 1 week before the surgery because the eldest was sitting his A levels and the youngest doesn’t usually cope too well with these things (although he has shown great maturity and coped well this time). They were relieved that I told them as they knew that something was wrong. From what you have said, your mum has a lot on her mind and probably felt unable to cope with this and the aftermarth of telling family and friends her diagnosis. By aftermarth, I mean the constant phonecalls, e-mails etc that go with this- I found this very hard as I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it and fell out with my closest friend because of that. You mum has told you now and will need your support after the surgery (I only allowed my husband and sons to visit me).
Approximately 2 weeks after surgery, your mum will be given the histology results and the treatment plan etc. Again, I am sure that your support will be appreciated at this stage.
I hope it all goes well for your mum and take care of yourself.
Hi Stevie boy,
Sorry to hear about your Mum - sounds like she has been going through a rough time. Hopefully once she has the op and the tumour is removed she will feel a little better - also now she dosn’t have to carry all the worry by herself may help. All you can really do is try and support her both emotionall and practically ( get some TV dinners for the freezer, buy her some trashy novells and a few DVD’s to take her mind off things). Waiting to find out exactly what is wrong is one of the worst times (for all of you) if you are finding it difficult ask the doctor for some sleeping pills (for yourself) and suggest she does the same.
Hope all goes well
cheers
caroline.
Try not to worry too much, I went to the doctors in November but didnt have my op until the following february due to errors by the hospital and being told I only had a cyst…I am 5 and a bit months down the line, post op and chemo over and done with due to start rads…until they have all the test results from the lymph nodes and tumour it is really just a waiting game and no one will know what it holds until then not even the doctors, there is almost always something they can do if you read the secondaries section of this site it does seem to give you hope…
regarding seeing your mum I know that it is her wish not to see you, but then you have wishes too and you have to do what you feel is right and you want to do, so if you want to go and see her then I think you should as you would always say what if if the worst did happen and you shouldnt have to bear that, she may just be worried for you seeing her in the way she is, but it might also help her too as it is a pretty scary time for all of us going through this,
HI,
many thanks for all your replies - really appreciated.
saw my mum b4 the op - she was just glad to be in hospital. Op went well ‘toilet’ mastectomy - open wound - lymph nodes as well. waiting for news next week.
nurses are brilliant and my mum has made an amazing recovery - no-one can beleive it…she says she wants to give a donation or help out there at some point!
1 hr after the op she was as right as rain eating prawn sandwhiches and chatting as though nothing was wrong (the power of morphine!). she said she feels better than shes felt for along time and she sounds amazing relaxed and cheerful - she’s just glad to ‘get rid of the bloody thing’… still along way to go but at least for the moment shes enjoying being looked after, eating properly etc…
will find out the full extent next week so at the moment making the most of her been so positive … all her friends are visiting next week and my girls will see here so that should boost her…
thanks for all the replies again. it really helped. hope you are all ok… will update shortly.
I am so glad that you are all sounding so positive, I know people moan about the word positive but for me it was the only way to get through…Glad that your mum has been eating I wished I could have after my op so she is doing far better than me in that aspect, lets hope that it all stay’s good for you all and yes please do let us know what the results are…
great to hear your mum is doing so well!! Thats brill news and you and your family must be really relieved. I’m really glad she is looking and feeling good, sounds like she’s really upbeat now. I was exactly the same after I had my mastectomy, as you say I was just ‘glad to get rid of the bl**dy thing’!!!