Firstly, sorry if this is in the wrong section.
Mum was diagnosed in September with BC, hasn’t spread to other parts, just nodes. She has had an op & 2 of her FEC-T treatments, 4 left to go. Her outlook is always pessimistic, which she was like before this. She has the rest of the chemo to go, the rads & the other lymph node op at the end. However, my mum is acting as if this is the end of the road for her, if not now then it WILL get her later sort of thing… We are as supportive as we can be, we listen, we don’t tell her to stop crying & we remind her to take it a day at a time and not to get too overwhelmed thinking of the bigger picture. However, mum is starting to stay in bed all day feeling very depressed and we believe we need someone’s expertise to help. Has anyone had counselling or would recommend anything/ anyone, who can talk to mum to try and get her to accept this and to somehow cope. I’m just worried the counsellor will ask the technical questions (what grade, etc) which will set mum off and make her feel even worse & then she won’t let us get ‘outsider’ help again. Mum isn’t working while this is going on, she won’t see any of her friends and she isn’t going out because her white cell count was 0.1 on the last cycle, we can’t afford for her to get germs. This obviously has changed mum’s lifestyle & she doesn’t really have any hobbies to occupy her.
Anything that could add a bit of light to the situation will be insightful, thanks.
Hi, firstly you are doing the right thing by allowing her to cry etc. and just being there for her. Counselling sounds like a good idea, they wouldn’t go into technical aspects with her, just literally get her to talk about her feelings and give her tips on coping. Do you have any Macmillan support centres or a Haven nearby? They offer lots of free therapies like counselling, hypnotherapy, massages etc. On the days when her white count is up, usually at its best just before her next cycle, would be a good opportunity to get her to something. I find sitting in the waiting areas for therapies quite good as you usually get chatting to someone in a similar boat.
Unfortunately we can become very pessimistic going through this, it really does become the only focus in your life for a while, , but it may be worse if she is naturally this type of person, but she is so lucky to have such a supportive daughter and family. You may have to just give her some tough love if all else fails!!
Sorry, I’ve no magic solution, but hope you help her get through
I am sorry to read that your Mum is having such a tough time, you sound very worried. As well as the support you are receiving here , our helpliners are here to support both of you so please feel free to call if you feel it would help to talk your concerns over. The staff are their to offer you emotional support as well as practical information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays.
