Hi,
My mum was diagnosed with Breast cancer 2 days ago. She is 58 and in complete shock, we both are. One minute I’m fine the next i can’t stop crying. Since she had the news she has lost her appetite & hasn’t stopped sleeping, is it normal to sleep so much?
It was detected via a mammogram then we went for Ultrasound and biopsy last week. The results came back positive in the breast and in the armpit in her lymph nodes, we don’t know how many yet. They have said they will remove the lump in her breast and perform an axillary dissection to remove the nodes. I was hoping she wouldn’t also need chemo but they confirmed she would need 6 months of chemo followed by 5 weeks of radiotherapy. We are back at the hospital on Monday to see the consultant and will then be given the op date.
Mum lost her husband 2 years ago, so it has been a difficult time. She will be living with me in London until all her treatment is over. My biggest concern is how do i keep mum positive? I have read so many of the threads and everyone is so upbeat, positive and brave, i just want to make sure she starts to have a positive attitude once the shock wears off. Her biggest fear is that it has spread somewhere else and we won’t know that until she has scans i am assuming but we still don’t know when that will be.
We are both finding it hard to talk to anyone right now, my friends have been fantastic offering their support and so have mum’s but she just avoids picking up the phone. She just needs to get her energy back first.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated
many thanks
Sarah
Sarah - Nothing has come up yet apart from your title. That says it all of course, and you must be feeling devastated. Please be sure that you, and your mum, will get lots of support and understanding from everyone here. We really do understand what you must be going through, and have ourselves experienced your fears and questions. So please do write some more, and let us try to help a bit. From another Sarah - who was diagnosed seven months ago, has had surgery and chemo and finished radiotherapy today. It can be done, your mum will get through this as well.
Sarah, so sorry you have had this news. I know how both you and your mum are feeling as my mum was diagnosed about 15 yrs ago and I was diagnosed in Feb this year so am going through it now (I am 51). When you are first diagnosed you go into shock but after a few days you will start to look at things more logically and focus on what needs to be done. I can also understand why she is sleeping a lot as some people use this as a shut off mechanism. Try to talk to her and reassure her as there is lots that can be done to overcome this disease. I am in the process of having chemo at the minute even though my cancer hadn’t spread and there were no nodes involved - it is often given to stop a recurrance. Hope this helps.
XX
So sorry to hear that your Mum has had the dreaded confirmed dx of BC. I think the sleeping is probably her way to avoid having to think about the situation. I was told prior to my surgery that I would get chemo over a period of 18 weeks and then radioatherapy and then hormone treatment and/or herceptin if needs be. In the event I had surgery, rads and am on tamoxifen for 5 years. Chemo was deemed not necessary in my case.
I hope your Mum can get a handle on the situation soon and start to move forward with it. It is not an easy journey and most of the time when we are all being happy and jolly and brave and inspirational we are just faking it, we are all scared about what lies ahead and what other nasty little surprises we are going to have to deal with. Everyone’s emotions will be all over the place now and you will also be worrying about stuff that is way down the line. Try to take small steps and deal with one thing at a time. It’s also not helpful at this stage to research too much on the internet - as I always tell new ppl it’s way too easy to read way too much and start applying it all to yourself (or in your case your Mum)… give it time to sink in and thinks will start falling into place.
Best wishes to you & your Mum
Love Lilac
xxxxx
Hello again Sarah - Your posting has come up again. I am sure you will be a wonderful support for your mum. Lots of people think that the key to getting better is “being positive”, but that’s really hard when you have just received such devastating news. I wouldn’t worry too much about “keeping mum postive” - sometimes that can put an additional strain on a person, when what they really need to be able to do is to express their worst fears, their anxieties, their shock and anger. If you can just “hear your mum out”, I think that will help her a lot. You might like to look at the thread “Cancer can’t be beaten by positive thinking” which is under Living with Breast Cancer. Of course, if your mum is able to be upbeat and hopeful that will make the treatment easier for her, but I want to reassure you that however she feels, that won’t make any difference to the eventual outcome. She, and you, can be free to shout, cry, curse, whatever and not make things worse. It may be a great relief, and part of coping with hearing this news. We are all here for you. Sarah xx
Dear Sarah
Seabird (Sarah) has given you wonderful advice. I would just like to add my own experience. I’m similar age to your mum and my husband died 5 years ago. When I was first diagnosed 7 months ago I was devasted and in complete shock as were my children. All I wanted to was curl up in a ball in bed and try to shut the reality out. I couldn;t answer the phone. I couldn’t face eating. I knew this was upsetting my children who so wanted to see their mum being positive. When I first came on this site and read so many positive upbeat posts I felt there was somrthing wrong with me because I couldn’t feel like that. In fact my first posting was to ask how I could achieve the same upbeat positivity. I had many wonderul supportive replies which helped me come to terms with the initial shock. My advice is to take your lead from your mum. Just ‘be’ there for her, allow her to talk or even not talk, allow her to share her fears, laugh, cry. shout, be angry whatever she needs on any particular day.
It is so early days for you both yet and it takes time for the shock of a cancer diagnosis yo pass. You are also both at the worst stage when you know its cancer but mum hasnt yet started her treatment plan. Once you have a detailed treatment plan and the regular round of hospital visits a pattern begins and although chemo is not pleasant you can get through it. I’m nearly 3/4 through mine and am amazed how quickly time has passed.
You sound like a wonderful daughter, allowing mum to live with you while she undergoes treatment. My son did that for me so I wouldn’t have to go through treatment living on my own and that was the greatest gift he could give me.
I would just like to add one other piece of advice and that is to make sure you yorself are well supported. Your needs may be different from your mems and you need to take care of yourself as well/ You both will get through this dificult time. Keep posting. This site will offer you both a wealth off collective knowledge and support
Best wishes
Trish
Thank you ladies for your support, it really does help. Mum and i feel alot better today & i showed her your responses and she was really touched.
We met one of my good friends for lunch and even went out for a couple of glasses of wine this evening. We even managed to have a bit of a laugh which makes a change from all the tears. Mum even managed to speak to 2 of her good friends on the phone and had some food too. One step at a time i suppose, but your support has really helped
thanks again
Sarah x
Hi Sarah
So sorry to hear about your mum. You will get loads of support on this site, so please keep in touch. Like you said and one of my famous sayings ‘one step at a time’.
Your mum and yourself should not look at the whole picture and concentreate ‘on one step at a time’. The surgery first then think about the next stage after.
I was diagnosed in February and half way through chemo. I have not thought of radiotherapy as yet…until i need too. The support on here has been fantastic. If your mum or you have any questions i am positive the help will be here.
Take care and cyber hugs to your mum and you 
Kirsty xx
Hi sarah
I know this news is dreadful when you hear and to be honest we were all shell shocked at first maybe even a little in denial.
But I’ve had my op and now on 3 chemo but you know i’ve had to deal with a lot worse in my life and its not as bad as it seams.
Its not a death sentance any more in fact quite the oposite it makes you sit up and take stock of your life and you realise how precious it really is and live life again instead of mulling along.
Being close and talking are the best thing you can do for each other just now. We are here to support you every step of they way till the day you wont need us any more.
Welcome to our little group
Joanne
Hi Sarah and Sarahs mum
i am 51 and have had a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed. the results came back 2 weeks ago they had all the cancer and no lymphs involved but the cancer was aggressive and the treatment i was told was going to be Chemo for 6 months then rads for 3 weeks then herceptin. i know this doesnt mirror your dx, but if you take each step as it comes, stay positive and smile a lot, laugh when you can and cry when you want to, you will come through.
Loads of hugs and love
Bridie