Hi, so I really hope someone can help as I don’t know how to support my mum at the minute, she is 81 and was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, since then she has tried 2 hormone blocker tablets, she can’t have a mastectomy as she has severe emphysema, the medication is not working and her tumour now measures 55mm, we don’t know if the cancer has gone to her lymph nodes as they couldn’t do a biopsy on them, they are having a meeting this week to decide whether to give her radiotherapy but have also said it won’t get rid of the cancer, it will only reduce it and then it will come back, she has almost given up and I don’t know what to tell her to help, I am trying to encourage her to try everything but she just says “what’s the point “ she can’t get out and about that much due to how bad her breathing is so doesn’t care any more, am I right to tell her that everything will be and encourage her or is the dr right in saying it will just grow back?
many thanks in advance for any advice anyone can give me
Lesley x
Lesley, this is a truly awful situation for you as a loving daughter. As your Mum has comorbidities that affect her treatment you are struggling to find the right path to emotionally help her, and I can totally see why. If I read this all correctly, her BC isn’t curable but they are trying to find a way to extend her life and make it treatable, although currently the cancer is progressing ? Also, I am presuming that chemo, due to her comorbidities/age, isn’t possible either, and the team are meeting to discuss radiotherapy as a possibility to slow the progress of the tumour ?
Its a very tough line to find for you here, between being positive and encouraging and realistic and accepting (the path your Mum is going down due to her quality of life). I do think you need to take your cue from the treatment team and the messages they are giving you, which is that this is now about extending life and slowing progress of the cancer if possible.
Your Mum will have a Breast Cancer Nurse and it is worth seeing if they will talk to you about how you should be supporting your Mum with the likely situation she/you are facing. I presume that you will hear something back after they’ve had their discussion about radiotherapy and then I would certainly hope you are able to have a decent talk with the consultant also.
You can also ring the number at the top of the website and talk through with someone about the situation you are in, as to be honest it sounds to me like you need some help yourself here to process what is happening - BC Now is also here for those supporting cancer patients. x
Hello! A lot of great kind words has been said, but I want to add one thing. I know it is hard, but please, try to be a piece of happiness for your mom. Show her your positive energy - she really needs it!