Its a personal experience,and to maybe help others facing MX…And if I can realise that, then I am sure everyone else can.
best wishes Mel xx
Hi, i can see how that could have been misunderstood, however as a big wimp who is approaching surgery to have a mastectomy, i found pash’s words very encouraging. Although i am not looking forward to surgery and losing my breast, i am soooo looking forward to getting this tumour taken out of my body, i imagine its going to be mixed emotions following surgery.
take care
anna
Foot massage was WONDERFUL thank you! Am having another next week (plus hands!). The radiology staff were dead impressed with the aroma (rose & citus) wafting up from my feet!
Hi Pash
I am glad to see another poster who is getting through this without being too scared or in pain. I am like you too, and am trying to post positive things where I have experienced them, if only to show those coming into this treatment that not everyone finds it painful, difficult or has horrible chemo side effects. Many do, but I don’t think our fortunate experiences take anything away from them - all our experiences are as valid as any other. If we can show that SOME people get through it well, I can only hope that makes the whole thing a little less scary.
I had MX with all lymph nodes removed, drains stayed in for 7 days but I was washing my own hair before the week was up and had pretty much no painkillers. The drains were uncomfortable, and it took me 6 weeks to get full movement back again, but I can now move my arm in all directions as much as I ever could. I took 3 weeks off work after surgery - the last week was because my family and OH wouldn’t let me go back to work, even though I felt ready for it. I have now had 2x FEC and very few side effects, and have been going to work throughout. The only time off I have had is for routine hospital appointments and holiday. I keep my fingers crossed that I continue to be so lucky, but never count my chickens.
Here’s hoping you continue on your speedy road to recovery. xxxx
Hi Pash,
Don’t worry about the pain relief. The woman in the bed next to me, who had her op on the same day, had no pain relief either. Once the numbness from the node clearance wore off she did say she was more uncomfortable and got a sleeping tab for the last night. As you say you can always ask for some if you need them.
We were more concerned about the snoring from the woman across the aisle. I got hubby to bring in some industrial strength earplugs and harmony was restored.
Hope you get home soon. The drains are (literally) a drag.
Jan xx
I’d agree with you that a mastectomy can be straightforward and relatively pain free. I had mine two years ago towards the end of this month.
As surgery goes it was fine, recovery was pretty quick and had I not been having further treatment would probably have gone back to work after two weeks.
I would like to point out though that the after effects can last a long time for some people. I developed a seroma that needed draning for a couple of weeks then went on to have cording - a physio at Barts worked wonders and lots of exercise.
Long after the physial effects have gone there is often the psychological scarring to deal with, so don’t be surprised if it takes longer for the emotions to catch up to where the body is, if that makes sense.
We all react differently and whilst posts like these give hope and encouragement to many about to have a mastectomy I would not like others to feel a failure because they haven’t found it as easy .
I didn’t have a reconstruction, feel fine about my body and returned to teaching 6 weeks after rads but I do know of many who have and still find it a struggle to come to terms with having had a mastectomy.
M x
I suggest that anyone without a so-called postive attitude (oh yeah, proven scientifically to be the real cure we’ve all been searching for all these years) just leave the others to get on with this thread. Remember that in another thread the words “excitement” and “reward” were used in relation to losing a breast as if it were some kind of cure or happy holiday destination.
Just drop it and let them carry on with their heads buried deep in denial or wherever the h*ll they think they are; they are on a different wavelength and as so clearly pointed out they have the freedom of speech la la la…fingers in ears and probably reading the damned Vita magazine!!!
Hi
I have tried to post twice now, both very long posts which have vanished into the ether. I agree with Magsi that mx can be complicated or straightforward - healing problems take time to develop whether physical or emotional. I was fine after the op and to my shame nursing staff pointed me out as a example of someone “coping well” to someone who faced up to her loss much quicker than I did. Denial got me through treatment and it took a while to realise that I had lost something precious and irreplaceable. When I did crash it was around the time that everyone had got used to me coping well and there was no support from anyone. Eighteen months on I feel sadder than I did in the early days and have much more shame about my body. I have gone from feeling positive and not letting bc defeat me to wishing I had never had any surgery at all (and that’s even with a recon).
Though I am happy that some of you appear well right now experience tells me that coping too well in the early stages is suspicious. Don’t try to be Superwoman - it makes it harder to accept help when people are stll willing to offer.
Take care all
Jane x
Jane that’s really well said. Although I have been luckier than you in terms of longer term feelings, I dealt with the mx very ‘positively’ early on, and crashed at a point where the rest of the world had moved on and that felt devastating.
Wishing everyone well - please remember that there is no ‘good’ or ‘better’ way to do all this - however it happens the point is that its a process that we need to go through, and lots of what happens is beyond our control.
This is my second time going through bc and I have responded to each element of diagnosis and treatment differently - I’m a lot kinder to myself than I was first time round, which I see as a positive.
take care everyone - I hope more of you have good experiences than difficult ones
love monica x
Jane, Regina
I can only speak for myself, and appreciate your personal experience Jane, but I certainly don’t feel I am in denial, and I doubt Pash does either (I have read her blog). Maybe we are but don’t know it, but maybe, at the moment, we accept that we have a disease and we have to go through certain treatments to deal with it. We accept it. I don’t hate my scar, although I do have down moments when I feel fat, bald and ugly, but then I bounce back again.
I think it is unfair to say we are in denial when we might not be.
My mum had BC and also ‘crashed’ after all the treatment stopped. It wasn’t that she had been in denial during the treatment, just that it did feel strange and odd when everyone else thought she was ‘cured’ when she didn’t feel it was that straightforward!
I’m so sorry you feel shame about your body, and I wish I could help you feel proud of what you have. I am sure you look wonderful, but I know that it is how you feel that is important. I really hope you come through this feeling and wish you well.
Flora xxx
Do you know what I can not believe what I have just read…just because someone did not have a terrible time after their surgery and wanted to share this with others they get slated for it. My head is certainly not buried in denial and I dont really have a positive attitude i’m just hopefull.
Hi All, esp Flora
I did not mean to offend anyone. Like you, Flora, I was determined to get through all the treatment by being positive and hopeful. That’s fine as a short term strategy but it’s exhausting longterm. It actually became something of a prison and like Monica says, with experience, i now know that i should have been kinder to myself. BC is not over after mx and treatment - in fact it is only starting because we live with the consequences for the rest of our lives, my issues with my body took time to develop, sexual rejection is part of it and that too takes time to develop for some men who may at first appear supportive. I’m still young and dating is a humiliating nightmare.
Even if it does not upset someone initially mx is a huge loss which sooner or later hits most of us. I just think it is healthier and better if we can address the loss quickly when there is support rather than later when there is none. I think that is why nurses are so obbsessed with people seeing the scar - they trying to provoke the emotional reaction while they are there to support. I was told by my BCN that I was in denial and totally disagreed with her because I thought I knew better but with hindsight it was how I coped, by thinking I had control where I didn’t. I could not face the loss of a body part so I made it trivial. I am not saying that it’s what anyone else is doing but it is a coping strategy people use when faced with a crisis and it works short term.
Wishing all of you well and be kind to yourselves
Love
Jae x
Well there are obviously some very mixed reactions to this thread and actually, I think that’s great! The emotions around this disease are obviously going to be as widely different to the physical differences and I really believe all emotions are valid. Just because they are different to mine, I don’t see the need to try and tell people they are wrong - everyone feels what they feel.
I don’t feel like I am in denial, but maybe I will feel differently about the whole experience in time. I’ll deal with that when and if I feel it, but I don’t feel the need to be subdued in case I feel sad later. I am very lucky to have a huge network of support from friends and family and I don’t doubt that even when the cancer is gone, if I ‘crash’, they will be there to wipe the tears and join me in a box of chocolates whilst I wallow.
I am sorry if my second post was aggressive, but I felt under attack for posting my thoughts. I wasn’t asking anyone else to agree and I certainly wasn’t asking or expecting people to feel bad if that wasn’t their experience.
I am back home now. Day 4, drains are out, good movement, mild discomfort but certainly not pain. I did a bit of work in hospital as I run my own business and my work makes me very happy. But I plan to chill and encourage my body to make a full recovery as soon as possible.
Haxted - so pleased you enjoyed your foot thang 
Jane - thanks for your post. It’s important to me to hear how other people feel. So many people tell me to expect a crash - so I do wonder if it will happen at some point. But right now I feel genuinely happy…I don’t know how (and don’t want to) deny myself this happiness ‘in case’ I crash later. I’ll deal with that when and if it comes, but I genuinely do appreciate you raising the point so I can be prepared for it. In fact, I am going to chat it through with my closest friends and family so that know that maybe even in a few years, I might crash and need their support. Being prepared may help a little and that’s one of the reasons why I think honest dialogue on these forums are so important.
xxx
Pash
I’ve read, re-read, gone away, come back, re-read and continually told myself not to bother responding. However, having read again, I feel I must.
I want to raise a few points that perhaps supports to some degree the initial comments that you were being insensitive. I indeed found the description of mastectomy as a doddle extremely insensitive to many people on this site.
So let me try to explain why. This is not written in any other manner than as a post to enable you to hopefully see why you may have upset a few people.
To describe mastectomy as a doddle in my opinion, belittles the entire experience that many women have. You claim to be providing something positive for others – perhaps the positive that might be helpful would be something along the lines of what to expect when undergoing a mastectomy. To describe it as a doddle, whether you intended it or not, almost encourages others to believe they should see it that way as well.
I don’t know the current figures for death from breast cancer, but I do know that in the last few months on this site we’ve lost a number of members which impacted emotionally on many. At no point is mastectomy, breast cancer, chemotherapy or any of the other treatments a doddle. This is a potentially killer disease that needs to be taken seriously. Here we are challenging various charities about the pink and fluffiness that surrounds breast cancer because many people on this site feel offended by the trivialising of this disease. During the two years I’ve been here, this has been a constant topic.
None of us know what our future will hold. This disease is unpredictable. I’ve been shocked on this site to read of deaths when I truly didn’t expect them. I’ve been amazed at those dealing with terminal illness and the genuine support they’ve provided to others by allowing us to read about their experiences. We don’t need positive, we need reality.
So, please think carefully about the impact of your comments. By all means be positive if you wish, but remember being positive will not change outcomes. Remember also that people experiencing terminal illness may well not appreciate the words ‘doddle’ and ‘positive’.
I have been fortunate so far in that I’ve only had to deal with primary bc but the experiences I’ve had have been mixed. I’m currently recovering from reconstructive surgery and hope this is the end of the road. However, two years on from my initial diagnosis, I am forever watchful and know that anything could happen.
I hope you understand the spirit in which this has been written.
Regards
Gill
Hi all - would like to share my mx experiences with everyone following this thread - my mx was carried out on 29/10 at wishaw general, everything went well for the first 4-5 days, very little pain, could wash my hair in the shower after day 2, good movement, etc. 1 drain removed after 6th day but 2nd drain left in as too much fluir still draining - drain fell out after 10th day! i then contracted a very aggressive and horrible infection in the would and ended up on 4 anti-biotics and was very,very ill. i was discharged on day 16 with a colostomy bag over my open wound which has to be changed by the district nurse every 2-3 days (still leaking). i start my chemo on 8/12 had bone scan last week and ct scan tomorrow. i have not had a great experience so far but still determined to stay positive and am glad not all surgery is like mine - i imagine most surgery will be somewhere in between mine and Pash’s. the only thing that is getting me through all this is my positive attitude although i am not so naive to think that i will not have down days (and i have had one or two) but i know i will get through this and my attitude helps my OH and children to get through it as well.
Stay strong ladies! Love and hugs to all
Jean
Dear GillianG, Was really moved by your reply and I think it is beautifully written. I am so glad that I was not the only one upset and angered by the title of this thread. As we know this disease is multifactorial and can hit us in many unknown and unforseen ways. Being positive is not an insurance policy to stop cancer in it’s tracks!!!
I think the whole concept of the word positive can be insulting for ladies who have gone on to have secondaries.
Best wishes
Leadie
Dear GillianG
PS Please keep sending posts!!!
More power to your elbow Gillian!
Perhaps it is time to dust off, once more, The Perils and Pitfalls of Positive Thinking - Dr P Harvey.
I think it is time BCC closed this thread, even the title is offensive.
Let’s close it and think a little more about the language used in posts and their titles. A moment’s thought can save a lot of angst all round.
D
I really didn’t want to get involved here but I do feel VERY strongly that EVERYONE including Pash and Leadie should be able to post their opinions whether others agree or not.To ask for a thread to be pulled because you do not agree with its poster is wrong.You will alienate the poster from the forums and a source of support she may need.Other posters will be afraid to post “good things” in fear of being blasted.
We are all adults and as such can surely disagree in a polite manner.
Just as BC is different for everyone ,so is the treatment and the way it effects us.
Lets just agree to disagree and move on.