my best friend has found out she has got breast cancer

hi im donna my best friend found out last week that she has got breast cancer and i need help her so if any one can help me pls do
many thanks

Hi Donna

I would definitely make sure she knows about this site and the help and advice it gives. There are lots of women here going through or have been through and the advice and help is priceless.


Hi Donna

Sorry to hear about your friend. She is lucky to have you looking out for her and trying to understand how best to help her.

Have a look at the thread started by Mandaw a few days ago called I Need Help which offers good practical advice which you may find useful at this early stage. It may also give you an insight into what may be running through your friend’s mind right now.


thank you so much for ur replys i will have a look at it!
my best friend had her breast removed to day i really do need to try and understand what she going though at this moment in time and to be there every step of the way! i want to try my very best for her and for her to know she aint alone with this she is only 25 and alot to take in as many of you know
once again thanks for replying to me

it must be very difficult for you, your friend is so young to get breast cancer, and I imagine you are much the same age. it all seems so unfair. I asked why me, then i thought why not me but i was 48 at the time i was diagnosed.

It’s good she’s got a friend like you who wants to help her. The best thing is someone who can listen, not try and tell you to think positive but provide distractions - and a break from cancer. There are so many hospital appointments, unpleasant treatments and hanging about. having people who are there for you makes a lot of difference.


i went 2 see my best friend to day coz she is still in hospital after her op the thing is she is copein really well i dont think its hit her yet or she might be putin on a prave face im not sure has anyone else been the same coz im really worryin about her coz i thought it might of hit her by now but then maybe it will in time but if it did take anyone a bit of time after can u pls let me know
many thanks

It’s really great you are there for your friend, I have a friend just like you when I was diagnosed at 34, she has been my rock throughout, a little chat on the phone every other day if she could not get around or a quick coffee when she could or even when I felt like it, really does help, just be there when she needs & listen when she wants you to, that’s all you can do for now, as for it sinking in, it may well not sink in for a little while, I think things happen so quickly after diagnosis, you sometimes don’t have time to think about it all, every step goes really quickly, finding lump, diagnosis, operation, chemo, radio, and any other treatment she may have to have, I found that it didn’t really sink it until after my chemo, I was really positive through that stage, then went down hill a little, thinking about having to go back to work etc, your friend will appreciate your kindness now & throughout her treatment, Good luck to you & your friend, with your support she will get through this.

Lovely x

Hi Donna you sound a very good friend ! Your friend is still in a state of shock regarding the whole situation its only natural, for me personally, it took me a helluva long time to get over it, and I am not just talking days or months, it took a very long time I just could not believe it happened to me at age thirty one and for your friend at 25 to be diagnosed, her head must be all over the place just now. My best friend was there for me and seemed to just adapt into the situation( although god bless her I now know she found it terribly hard, after opening up to me recently ) but she never put pressure on me, was there when i wanted to talk, knew when i didnt want to talk, just take your lead from her, thats all i will say, it is obviously so hard on friends/family but at the time it was all about me… its only now after the event i look back and think how hard it must have been for everyone, that still brings a tear to my eye. This is a very hard time and yes be there for your friend & support her, but also support yourself as well, so good for you posting on this site !!! You and your friend will get lots of support here.

Hi- Im in the same position as you. My friend was diagnosed last week and is having a mastectomy today.
Its so hard isnt it? You dont know what to say and are then
worried you’ll say the wrong thing! All you can do is let her know that you are there for her come tears or smiles. This forum is fantasic and there is a lot of support from people in the same position.
Best of luck

Hi Donna,

As everyone says you sound like a brill friend! I was 43 when I had my mastectomy so a lot older than your friend, I dont know whether that is why I didnt really feel any sadness about my mastectomy, I was just glad the lump had been removed so I could move onto the rest of the treatment. I dont think feeling like this is common but it was 15 months ago now and I keep waiting for it to hit me and to be upset about the mastectomy but I never have been… I remember being upset by my mothers attitude and others who really thought I must be desolate after my mastectomy, to me it wasnt a bit deal given that I had breast cancer which was far worse.

Keep going for your friend, she is very lucky to have you.

Polly x

Thanks everyone for replying to Donna…Yes, she is a fantastic friend-the best in fact!! We’ve spent the day together today and she has helped no end with my two tiny kiddies as today isn’t a great one painwise… Starting to regain feeling around the breast area so not very comfortable but getting there. You lot are all amazing friends…Thankyou.x.x.x.x.x

Hi Donna - friends like you are important just keep doing what you obviously are.
Im lucky to have friends like you and know how important it is. You will know what is needed for each moment - and for me I dont think I would hold it against my friend if she said the “WRONG THING” cos at this time whats right & whats wrong? everyone of us reacts differently. Just by being there to listen & laugh makes things easier

i would just like 2 say how proud i am of my best friend lauren she has got her 4th lot of cemo on tuesday then 4 more after this one she is doin so well and copein so well she has he good and bad days but she will fight her bad days! i go and see lauren onces a week but feel i should go and help her more but its had some time 2 get 2 see her coz i have 2 pick my little girl up from school! she has a lot of people who go round and help her with the kids but as my best friend i just feel i should be doin more 4 her i try and talk 2 her about other stuff 2 try and take her mind of it all and i do always ask how she is feelin maybe i should try and talk 2 her more about how she is feelin but then i think she will tell me when she is ready 2 talk about thing i dont want her 2 think im always talkin about other stuff and not worryin how she is feelin! what did u ladys find easyer did u find it better if ur family and friends always asked how u was feelin or did u find it better when u was good and ready?
i would just like 2 say how amazing u ladys are!!!

I find it better to just chat as normal - yes its great if friends ask if theres anything they can do - but im lucky ive been relatively ok. Its the week after a chemo session when help is more useful especially oif young children are involved and maybe more so as the summer hols arrive. BUt someone to pop by have a drink and chat or cry with is better - i know my best friends care…
It has been really nice to go out with friends for a meal or at someone elses house - a lunch may be when shes up to it. A coffee out is great - brings back normality.
I dont think its about how much time you spend with your friend - but the qualilty of it - my friends txt, phone and email too.
But one good thing is to ask your friend what she would like from you - never be afraid to ask.