Hi there, I am feeling very negative at the moment. My 42 yr old daughter has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.She is naturally upset, worried, anxious and I need to give her the best support I can.
Unfortunately,my elder daughter died of breast cancer 13 years ago and we are all finding it enormously difficult to conceive of any positive outcome at the moment.
At present we are waiting for my daughter to have a bone and CT scan to check for spread to other organs, before the doctors decide on a course of treatment. I know that this waiting is pure torture and hope that once we know what is entailed, it will give us some kind of normality, but I would love to hear from other people who may have similar experiences to mine.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago when I was 44. All I can say is that the support I’ve had from my mum has been invaluable - there’s no-one quite like mum for me when I’m not well.
It’s just her being there so I can tell her how I feel, cry if I need to etc.
I am so sorry about your elder daughter and of course all this makes you think of her. I do think it’s important to remember that everyone is different and therefore the outcome for your daughter is not inevitable. Treatments change and you may find that your daughter is offered something slightly different from your elder daughter.
Waiting for scan results is, as you say, torture and there’s nothing really that you can do except be there for her.
I wish you all well and hope the scan results are good news.
Elinda x
hi,
im very sorry to hear your latest news,also the devasting news you had with your elder daughter. I was diagnosed at 41,friends came with me to hospital because
a] i thought my mum couldnt handle it
b] i tried to protect her (my dad died 4 years earlier}
c} she was a practical help, as already my child minder [kids 12, 9, 6] she was there for them
Mum and her best friend, just out of screening programme [never had a recall] went to Action Cancer and requested a mammogramm was diagnosed 6 months later . If it hadnt been for my nightmare she wouldnt have found out as Consultant said “there was no lump to be felt”
So mum and i have been through the mill…i tried to protect her, but her friend told me how upset she was, she hide it from me too…and her mum is 93, still going!
I hope your daughter is ok, but times like this bring us SO CLOSE…
JIll
Thanks so much for your comments. I know that the treatments have changed and do feel that the care my daughter is receiving is much more systematic than that my elder daughter had.
Both my daughter and I are maintaining a precarious balance between optimism and apprehension at the moment. I am glad that she has a wide circle of good friends who can also provide support in different ways.
Hello there - my situation is different from yours but there are some similarities; my younger daughter and I both have BC.
We had absolutely no family history when she was first diagnosed at 32 and was given a fairly poor prognosis. When she was 36, a 2nd primary was found in her other breast She is now 2 years on from that and facing the removal of her ovaries but ‘seems ’ really well.
I expect you were exactly the same as me when your daughters were diagnosed - this should be ME going thro’ this - not my lovely daughter. Needless to say when I was diagnosed 12 months ago (aged 65) with an aggressive BC I felt that this was a real bummer- what I had ‘wished for’ had happened but what use was that to anyone?
My daughter lives a 3 hour drive from me; she is also a very private person and it is only thro’ my own experiences that I have realized something of all that she must have gone through. (She has a little girl of 7 and boy of 3 -almost a miracle baby- born after her first chemo)
I have another daughter of 42 plus 2 sons and 2 other grandchildren but the tests have indicated that we do not carry the BRCR genes - so that has been some comfort to us all. My daughter has been such a great support to ME and it has certainly brought our whole family even closer.
I had thought that BC in women under 40 was really rare- and statistically it is - but reading these forums really brings it home to you doesn’t it? All these gutsy young women coping with the horrible hand that they have been dealt.
I do so hope that you have positive news very soon re your daughter’s treatment plan - and it is not just a platitiude to say that the treatments really have improved hugely over the past 15 years. I lost my best friend to BC 12 years ago and have subsequently lost 2 others but I also know many others who are ‘living’ with BC - as well as my own girl. I do send all my very best wishes to you and your family at this really hard time.