My Daughter

Hi, I’m new here. My daughter was just diagnosed with Stage 3 ER+HER2 IDC. We live in different states and we are both terrified. I support her every way I can. Even though she puts on a string and positive attitude, I know she is terrified. I want to help her in every way I can. How do I ease her mind so she won’t give up?

I don’t express to her the possibility of death but I know she’s been thinking about it. Please help me learn how to guide her through this terrible time. I have a great deal of fear because it’s not something that will go away anytime soon. I read about women who live several years and some that die quickly. How do I calm my fears so my daughter won’t feel my fears on top of her own fears?  Please help!  Thank you so much!

Hi @kimlucy  

So sorry difficult times for you both.
I have no magic answer - but your Daughter should not give up, many breast cancer sufferers live long and happy lives, it is far from all doom and gloom these days so she should not ever think this signals the end, keep strong and keep going once undergoing treatment you do find a reserve you thought you never had.
I think most of us handle it differently some (I was one) do not like to talk about it, others open up (there is no right or wrong).
As an outsider as such, you can only (and this is purely my view) tell her you are and will always be there for her, she will already know this but just let her hear your words.
I did my cancer treatment alone but the people I met who did have family and friends supporting them whilst they appreciated the support,  felt overwhelmed by some of it. Sometimes well-meaning can be exhausting take your response from her - and remember what she say’s one day might not apply the next so go with the flow.
Not much help I know I am sure there are books and nurses, as well as other members who will be able to help you more - as being on the outside looking in can be very stressful.
I wish you both all the best and thinking of you.

Poppy xx

Hi to you kimlucy

A very warm welcome to you on this wonderfully helpful and supportive Forum, and I congratulate you for finding it and posting, on behalf of your concerns for your daughter. Shows you to be such a very loving and caring Mother and a very positive and thoughtful move.

A cancer diagnosis is, quite frankly, such an initial “horrific” shock for ANY one to hear, just in itself and get their head around. Even MORE difficult when you are living a distance away. It’s only natural to think the worst, but pleeease try not to. That’s easier said than done, I know. Please try and take some solace in the fact that there are MANY women on here who HAVE survived, and try and take some “hope” and strength from that fact and them. I’m a 15 yr survivor. 

There may be a great many lengthy treatments ahead, but it still CAN BE overcome.

I would advise you to only use credible and reliable sources for ANY information, such as the BCN info site, the Forum here, and Macmillans, but with your use of the words different “state”, would you be in America somewhere?? 

My Mother was an absolute “rock” for me. Just listened, gave me a hug and words of comfort, but that’s not easy when your at a geographical distance. 

It may be a good idea for your daughter to join this Forum too. Perhaps you could suggest it to her.

Much love to you and sooo hoping all goes well for your daughter, Kimlucy

Delly xx