Hello everyone! I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer on Thursday having a 3cm lump with my lymph nodes affected. The last two days have just been a total out of body experience listening to doctors and nurses telling me that I will probably spend the next year in some kind of treatment starting with chemo. Im 60 and live alone I have 2 grown up daughters and 3 grandchildren none of whom currently know what’s happening I just want to give us Christmas in some kind of normality before their world also changes. My sister and a couple of work colleagues are aware and have been great I am currently awaiting results of a ct scan results on Tuesday and I have convinced myself that they will find the cancer has spread … I’ve realised reading the posts on the forum I have alot to learn about my cancer obviously all the information I was given totally went over my head altho I thought I was prepared for the diagnosis. I look forward to sharing my journey with you all I find it difficult to confide in family to avoid them worrying and know I can get the best advice from those that are in this club that nobody wants to join
Hello Pops,
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a diagnosis and not surprised that the last couple of days must have been completely surreal for you.
After a routine mamogram, then the re-call with more mamos and a biopsy, I chose not to mention anything to my children (adults) and was only going to mention it at all, if I had a diagnosis. So after the two weeks of waiting, I was given the results and then told the close family, particularly as I have a date for a WLE just before Christmas.
I think that everyone is different, and we have different diagnoses and have different family dinamics, there’s no right or wrong way to do things. We’ll each find the best way that works for us.
The forums are a good place to hear from others and I hope there will be some replies for you, from people who have already been where you are now and can give some advice.
I don’t know whether we are allowed to mention books on the forum, but I’m listening to The Complete Guide to Breast Cancer which is written by two doctors who have had breast cancer (and one is a breast surgeon) and they give lots of practical advice and say they wish they had such a book when they were first diagnosed.
All best wishes x
I would encourage you to tell your daughters, they are as you say grown ups. It’s bad enough getting a diagnosis but to deal with it on your own, when you dont need to, won’t help you. They would be devastated knowing you’d kept it from them, I know from my own experience with my mum.
Dear Pops
Welcome to the forum, we have all been there and now we are here for you.
My heart goes out to you such a difficult decision regarding your family, I was in the same position and decided not to tell my family, until like you needed to have everything in position, however I did find my daughter was extremely upset at my decision not sure if I was right in keeping this from her.
I feel sure your sister and friends are supporting you at the moment and once Christmas is over you’ll be able to sit down with the family telling them what’s going on which will be a great relief to you. I know it was to me they will be shocked, but will be able to support you, making life will be a bit easier for you,
Wishing you a pleasant Christmas, health and happiness going forward.
Hugs Tili 
Hello @pops07122023 I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this position, arguably at the worst time of year. You’re clearly a selfless mother and grandmother and I hope that you are able to give the family the Christmas that you desire. Your daughters may well notice a slight change in you, however, because the strain of carrying this secret may begin to tell, so I would prepare a little speech that encapsulates the basic facts before the festivities begin, just in case. Once treatment begins, you will need a lot of support, practical and emotional so think about how many and who to confide in. If you haven’t already, have a little notebook or note on your phone, and jot down questions and thoughts as they come to you - this will help at subsequent appointments and calls with your medical team. If you feel the need to chat through anything in the coming days, give the nurses at Breast Cancer Now a call on 0808 800 6000, they have all either had BC or have been frontline nurses in BC clinical care and I guarantee you will feel better for having spoken to them.
The doctor who @funnygirl mentions is Dr Liz O’Riordan who has has a podcast called “so now I have breast cancer” which is very helpful if you listen to podcasts, her book “The Complete Guide to Breast Cancer” is a great resource and is available from Amazon. She also posts little videos on YouTube and Instagram if you want to search her out there. There aren’t many people on the forum who don’t use Dr Liz’s materials.
It’s early days for you and it’s completely understandable that your head is reeling. As I said, you’re the selfless mother and grandmother but you are going to have to put yourself first in 2024 as counter-intuitive as it may be. Keep posting here through the ups and downs, we’ve all been there, we’ve got you.
Courage, Pops. I bring good news. I was 70 when I got the same diagnosis in 2020. I also live alone and am what you might call an independent person. Not doing a one-upmanship but mine was quite a bit bigger than yours!
Three years on I am fit and well having negotiated mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy and everything else they throw at you. It’s a tough road but you get through because you have to and none of it is insurmountable. At times you will be so busy with appointments you won’t have time to think but it’s a real one-step-infront-of-the other kind of job, Brief your daughters and close friends on what’s happening, work out the practicalities like transport and help on bad chemo days and you will get through.
I have a few after effects like not as much energy as I used to have, but my hair has returned and, most importantly, my joie de vivre. I treated treatment as a job I had to do and it worked.
Sending you lots of positivity but you sound like a strong lady so I’d put money on a great outcome.
Hello Pops
I was diagnosed last Jan with stage 3 breast cancer and had 3 lymph nodes involved . it seems a long road as had 5 months of chemo followed by mastectomy and lymph node removal and now undergoing radiotherapy which is to finish end of the month . You will get through with the support of your friends and family and not sure where you are but most of us find the nurses and the breast care nurses very helpful and makes the journey easier . good luck .
best wishes
Rama
Thank you so much everybody for your support and suggestions it means so much to not feel so alone right now. I find myself in the unusual position of sharing my innermost feelings with people I have never met rather than those closest to me for now anyway. In the future I think you are going to be very important to me and my recovery … sending positive vibes to you all on your journeys x
Hi @pops07122023,
Welcome to the forum, we hope you find it a helpful and supportive place. You’ve made a massive first step in posting here - a shock such as a diagnosis can be hard to get your head around.
Please do have a look through the various boards and topics to find those going through similar experiences. As you will see from the responses you already have, this is a very supportive place, so please do continue to ask any questions you may have.
Our breast care nurses are always here if you want to talk things through 0808 800 6000. Sending our love 
All the best,
I forgot to add: remember that cancer treatment is a marathon not a sprint so pace yourself for good and bad bits and, above all, keep as much of your normal life going as you can. Cancer will be a temporary negative, NOT your whole existence.
Pops, it’s an awful shock, isn’t it? I had a mammoplasty and WLE a week before my 63rd birthday. I have grown up daughters and a hubby and they are my rocks… I’m very blessed. They were present when I received my recall letter so there was no hiding my reaction. I can understand you wanting to protect them by not telling them immediately, but my lot can read me like a book and I have 4 sisters who would have gone full rugby tackle on me if I had kept my diagnosis from them - no kidding! I have cried rivers of tears since August but that overwhelming out-of-control feeling has lessened a good deal and my family has helped. I’ll check back here often to see how you and everyone else is getting on - I may not know any of you personally but you are always in my prayers🤗
I met a dear friend on this forum, Pops, so you do indeed form wonderful connections. I know you’re deathly frightened right now as we all were in your position but it does get better. Do what you feel is right with your family but if the pressure to hold it in is too much then don’t. You don’t have babies anymore. They’re grownups and can be expected to handle it. Let is know if you have specific questions about your cancer makeup and I hope you can have a happy holiday despite all of this.
Dear Pops, Sending you a very big hug. My daughter was 36 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild when I got my diagnosis. Like you I didn’t want to cast a massive shadow over such a special time for her and the whole family, so I totally understand why you’re delaying telling your daughters, I did the same.
When you do tell them, you can reassure them you’re in very good hands, with the best possible treatments and a team that will be looking after you so carefully and professionally that everything will be ok at the end of it.
This is a wonderful forum to come to when you need information, support, or to rant, or to receive some love and hugs. All the hearts here go out to the newbies of the Pink Sisterhood and you’ll never feel alone. Wishing you all the best with your treatment and recovery. xx
Hi Pops.
I feel for you, i went through it all this year.
Found lump in January, finished all treatment in November, that was a nice 60th present !!!
Yes, it is daunting & very confusing.
It is the unknown, not knowing what to expect.
Please make sure you take someone with you, all what they tell you just goes over your head.
I will say though, all the medical staff were excellent, made me feel like i was the only one.
Also you see the same people, so you can relate with each other about your experiences.
I wish you well. x
Hi I found a lump on holiday in my left breast in August this year, I’m 48 and have two children 17 and 19. I told my two after we got back. I kept them updated every time I went and they read all the leaflets given.
They found a second lump which was close to my lymph nodes and at 5cm grade 3, 4weeks ago I had them removed and all my lymph nodes.
I had sent to the lab some of my lymph nodes and they came back over 30% (32%) which I was just hoping it didn’t and I just had radiotherapy and hormone tablets,
Now I’m on my second week every Tuesday, Paclitaxel- 10 more week of this, then EC chemo that’s given 3x every 3 weeks, then radiotherapy and hormone tablets for the rest of my life, but I know it’s worth it, to see my children grow up, have a family be a nanna, everyone has cried but me, I haven’t let it sunk in. Not letting it get to me, not having this body, it’s an invasion, noone in my family has had cancer, I’ve stopped being under that rock 6years ago but that’s another story, so keep your strength up, drink plenty of water, don’t have to much sugar, and tell your family when you are ready to do so xxx
Hi! Not sure what type of breast cancer you have but mine was also 3cm with lymphnodes affected. The doctors told me to get chemo, lumpectomy, and radiation. I went through 5 mo of chemo then decided to get a dbl masectomy. Turned out the part of the lump they had biopsied was HR/PR positive. But after surgery, the pathologist found that 75% of the mass was triple negative. Crazy!
Then I did 6 wks of radiation, waited 6 mo and got implant surgery. 2 wks later I began Verzenio, as instructed by my oncologist. 2 wks after that I had an infection on the cancerous side, left breast area. Had that implant replaced. Now 6 wks post op I am experiencing capsulated contracture on that same side. The right side looks great.
All that to say, I’m not a doctor but if I could go back I would have changed 2 decisions. I would have waited longer than 6 mo for the left radiated side to heal further and I would have waited probably 2 mo not 2 wks to start Verzenio, known to cause infections.
Prayers for you and your journey. So much research has been done re breast cancer. We are also our own best advocates. You will be ok.
The club nobody wants to join is right! We’re with you. Every family and every relationship is different, so no judgement here. But with your WLE coming up, I would say remember your own needs here. You need support - don’t think you are brave enough and strong enough, because what you are stepping into is tough. You will need some help and a friendly face at home, at the very least for a few days. And someone to take you home from the hospital. I thought I was brave - but… well. Almost the hardest thing is looking after your mental health, and the support of your family and friends are instrumental in that. See if your sister can help, otherwise draft in the daughters, I’d say. At your stage, perhaps it’s worth saying that most hospitals can put you in touch with services beyond what they tell you about; physio, specialist counselling etc. But you have to ask, otherwise you don’t get. If you want to read helpful stuff, the most up to date book is by Rachel Dean. It’s called ‘Reconstruction’, and it’s about trying to get to recovery, not just getting through the illness. The one funnygirl mentioned is also good, but has less of the practical tips - like (afterwards) not putting too much weight on your wrists doing yoga. And avoid blood tests on your affected side’s arm (both are to avoid lymphedema risk), which I learned from Ms Dean. I too have a CT scan on Tuesday. Stuff cancer, it’s Christmas! Best of luck!
Hi Pops
I too am sorry to hear of your diagnosis. As already mentioned by others, we are all different as is our cancers. I am in Suffolk and I’m attending Ipswich hospital. I too live on my own and have two grown sons in their 40’s. I decided to tell them straight away. I’m a very positive person ( I know not everyone is), but I put that positivity into telling my sons and it has rubbed off on to them. At least one of them have accompanied me to every one of my appointments. I can’t remember who gave me this advice but it was invaluable. I was advised to record the appointments, telling which ever medical professional that you were doing so. (my sons actually did it on their mobile phones) Not one of them objected. After the appointment, when we were back home discussing it, we were able to replay what was said.
I have also joined a Facebook group in my area. So many ladies nearby have offered to meet for coffee. Again invaluable. No one, not even your closest friend will understand exactly what you are going through unless they have been through it themselves. Even if they have, it won’t necessarily be the same because as said before all our diagnosis’ are different.
I wish you all the very best whilst you go through this journey, which we all would rather not be on. Try to take every day as it comes. Sending my positivity to you. Take care. Anne xx