She has told her children that she is ill but not that she has breast cancer, she is having a second lot of surgery and if this is successful she may be ok after radiotherapy,so she is wondering whether to use the term cancer.
They have a friend whose dad has cancer and is dying so she is worried they will think that will happen to her.
The question is when to tell the children?
Hi and welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums.
I have put for you below the link to BCC’s publication ‘Mummy’s Lump’ which is aimed at younger children, you can send for a copy to be posted out to you free of charge by following the link below.
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/mummys-lump-bcc164
Jo, Moderator
This is a really good question.
My personal choice was to tell my kids everything. I saw how my cousins were affected and how they lost confidence in their dad who never actually told them that their mum was dying of cancer. They were teenagers at the time but still it was taboo.
I decided not go this way by explaining the facts, they were 15, 12 & 10 at the time. They needed to understand that chemo was going to make me really unwell and that I was going to lose my hair.
There also a lot of positive story to tell a 7year old. You do not say if your friend has primary or secondary breast cancer. Remember, one does not die of primary BC, it is secondary (when it has spread to other parts of the body) that takes women away.
Thanks for caring for your friend, she will need all the help in the world.
Has your friend told her children yet?
My bc nurse said that honesty is the best policy and I believe this is true.
I was diagnosed recently and told my primary age children on Saturday, so that they could ask questions
over the weekend. The worry of telling them made me feel sick in the runup but once I’d told them, I
felt so relieved.
When I introduced the word cancer I stopped to ask them if they’d heard the word and what they thought it meant. This was such a useful thing to do as they’d heard the word, but it wasn’t laden, like it is for us adults and was a good time to explain a few things in a simple way. They took it in and asked many questions like ‘can you catch cancer?’ I’ve not made any promises, but have used language like ’ we hope that cutting out the cancer and the powerful medicine will get rid of it.
I hope that your friend has told, or tells them soon - the anxiety was so much greater than the actual act.