Hello all,my girlfriend(33) was diagnosed BRCA 1 positive awhile ago now and she due to have a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery with implants (Lattimus dorsi?)in about 3 weeks time.Although she hasn’t had bc herself there has been a very high percentage of her family who has had it.Her sister who is also BRCA1 pos, has just had the same procedure done herself and is recovering well,although still in hospital as it has only been a few days since it was done.My girlfriend seems to be handling the whole thing very well so far although is obviously worried about the whole thing,as am i.However, her risk of getting bc(which is about 85%)is going to be significantly reduced afterwards.I’m trying to get house in order already,for when she comes out of hospital,to make her as comfortable as i possibly can.I would like to hear from anyone who has had a similar procedure,who has a boyfriend or partner and how they both dealt with the whole thing.I keep telling my girlfriend that i will love her no matter what(she does drive me bonkers sometimes!!) and that we can get through anything but she can clam up and i dont know what shes thinking.We have two young girls ,one of whom is still a baby so i know that i’m going to be very busy looking after the three women in my life soon!!would also like to hear from any blokes who are in the same position.Thankyou all
Can’t really give you any advice Stevie but just wanted to say good luck to you both and hope it all goes well. I am sure your love and reassurance will help her through.
All the best and i am sure lots of people will have some ideas and thoughts for you.
JAyne x
Hi Steview
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for some good support both for yourself and your parter.
I have put for you below the link to one of BCC’s publications that you might find useful.
I am sure you will get lots of support from the many informed users of this site who have a wealth of knowledge and experience between them.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
hello
i know how your girlfriend feels, i found out friday just gone that i have breast cancer, i am due for my op in about 3 weeks, i hope everything goes well for her.
HI STEVIEW, SORRY I CANT HELP YOU BUT GOOD LUCK & IM SURE THERE WILL BE A LOT OF LADIES ON HERE WHO WILL COME THROUGHT TO YOU WITH LOTS OF HELPFUL ADVICE.
KISSY KENZIE, SO SORRY YOU TOO HAVE HAD TO JOIN US ALL.
THE REALLY GOOD THING ABOUT THE SITE IS THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE TO LISTEN,TO HELP& give advice.
EVEN IF YOU JUST WANT TO RANT THIS IS THE SITE THAT ANYTHING GOES.
THINKING OF YOU.
CHICA X
Hi Steview,
Our situation is not quite the same as yours: we are a bit older and our children are grown up, though I think we are still rather young for all this (my wife, Janet, was 47 when diagnosed with IDC last year). She had a mastectomy (one side) on her 48th birthday.
I think it can be very difficult for a lady in this kind of situation. They know how much we like their breasts and I’m sure they really can worry that we won’t find them attractive any more. Of course it seems to me that nothing could be farther from the truth, but it is important to show that as much as possible. Janet did not have a reconstruction, so she still has a flat chest with a scar on that side (at least for the moment), and I felt lucky that she was happy to let me get to know it right form the start.
We are all conditioned to associate breasts with femininity and womanhood, so that can be a problem for her. However, I think Janet is still 100% woman and beautiful at that. I try to let her know that as often as possible.
It might be a good idea if possible to see some pictures of the early results of similar operations, so that you are ready for what you see. It will be different in your case as your girlfriend is having immediate reconstruction, but I expect the same applies.
I also felt lucky to be able to be involved myself in every consultation, so that we were going through it together, and to be with her on the day of the operation for as much of the time as I was allowed. It has been necessary to be a bit pushy in this respect (not aggressive), assuming that I am allowed anywhere until told otherwise.
From a practical point of view, this is a big operation even though it is fairly routine, so she will be very tired as well as everything else. You need to be ready to do things without being asked - that’s really important I think. She may have drains in with bottles attached for a few days after the surgery and serous fluid will drain into them. Try to get used to this quickly. Janet came home with one drain still in, but your girlfriend may be different.
Needless to say, it is important to be patient (in many respects). If she clams up, perhaps you should just hold her without saying anything - non-sexual, loving intimacy is really important I think, and it doesn’t necessarily need any words.
Of course, all couples are different, and I know it sounds corny, but I have kept thinking of the words of the old song “How to handle a woman …” - “Just love her, simply love her”. (Sorry for the soppy bit there, but really is an emotional time.)
I hope all goes well. There are probably loads of important practical things that I have forgotten to mention. Please PM me if you want to.
I absolutely concur: being held and stroked, non-sexual touch is so important, or as jansman said “just love her, simply love her” … I don’t think I could’ve put it better. My situation wasn’t anything like as serious as many on this site but knowing that the man I was dating wanted to be here, simply to care for me when I was at my least attractive, at my least sexy, has made a vast difference to our very fledgling relationship. I was so physically uncomfortable after surgery but after a lot of tossing and turning, I gave in, lay in his arms and rested my bandaged breast and arm on him - that’s when I felt comfortable enough to go to sleep.
Good luck to you and your girlfriend Stevie - I hope you both find the support on offer here to be as wonderful as I already have.
Debs x