Too be honest, I have had issues with her before. Last year I wrote her a two page letter telling her how she had made me feel. She did improve. I just don’t think she is normal in the way she handles things. She seems to be able to detach herself from feelings. That includes men and relationships. I agree with you, I think that I am the normal one and she is the abnormal one!
How old are your little ones?
x
Exactly, it sounds like she has issues and she is the last person who should be telling people what to feel!
I have 2 boys, the eldest is 3 and the youngest is 6 months.
Well I am definately keeping away for the time being as I find the slightest thing at the moment gets me really upset/wound up.
Your little boys sound really sweet, I bet they are a handful?
xx
Good plan, no point getting any more upset than you already are. When my mum was ill I was all over the place for ages.
My oldest is a handful, very excitable and literally never stops talking. His baby brother is a much calmer personality so far, thank goodness! Have you got any offspring?
xx
Your little lads sound delightful, and I am sure a bundle of fun.
I have two, a girl and a boy. The girl turned 19 yesterday, makes me feel so old! My son is 14 and will be 15 this year. I think it gets harder as they get older not easier.
So how is your mum getting on now, where abouts is she in her treatment.
The GP has agreed to refer my mum to The Royal Marsden so we are really happy about that.
Yes, they are lovely, I’m very lucky. Everyone says it gets harder so I’m making the most of it while they’re little!
My mum is on Herceptin until Nov and Arimidex for 5 years. It’s her birthday today and her and my dad have gone to New York.
I mostly come on this site to read the family history & genetics/reconstructive surgery threads because I’ve been classed as high risk due to my family history and I’m waiting to have preventative surgery.
Great news about the referral, did the GP say how long it would be?
Oh what a wondeful treat for your mum, she really deserves it, I hope she spends spends spends and also takes in a show!
The type of cancer my mum has is not genetic. My husbands mum died of bc along time ago, so obviously with my daughter having two grandparents with this it is a concern.
What kind of preventative surgery are you having, if you don’t mind me asking.
My mum was expecting a call this afternoon with an appointment.
She is having really horrible side effects with the hormone cancer drugs she has started.
Jules xx
If your mother-in-law’s BC was post menopausal I don’t think your daughter is at a significant increased risk. My risk isn’t because of my mum, it’s because 2 relatives have had BC at a young age, one under 40 and one under 30. I’m 30 now and can’t have mammograms until I’m 35 and they aren’t very reliable in younger women anyway so I’d rather not take the risk. I’m having a bilateral mastectomy and immediate reconstruction, I have an appointment with a breast surgeon next Thurs to discuss.
Did your mum get an appointment? Can any of the side effects be counteracted? (like with chemo they can give you anti-sickness drugs) x x
Hi there my mother in law was only early forties I am afraid, and it started late 30’s so unfortunately there is a bit of a worry. My mum has been referred to The Royal Marsden and she should have an appointment in the next week or so. She has decided not to go back to the centre in Kent so that is good news! The Royal Marsden is one of the top cancer hospitals in Europe so already I feel more optimistic.
You are such a brave lady and I hope I will be able to give you support while you go through your surgery.
Love Jules xxx
Your daughter may be entitled to earlier screening than normal because of her grandmother. It is a worry but research has come so far in the past few years, hopefully by the time your daughter is eligible for screening things will have moved on again.
The Royal Marsden is meant to be great so your mum will be in the best hands.
Thanks Jules, that’s really nice : ) I don’t feel brave, just not brave enough to go through 20 years+ of screening and worry! Would rather get it over with so I can get on with my life.
Take care,
Zoe x x
You are really welcome Zoe, we have only been chatting for a day or two but I like you alot and you have made me smile alot of the last 24 hours which is great.
I am really pleased about the Royal Marsden, and feel things are on the up already.
Now for the negative stuff. “my friend” If I had decided to cancel her that would have been ok, but tonight I got a text saying sorry can’t make our drink as blah blah blah some crap excuse has come up. I have texted her back some sarcasm. I am so angry how dare she continue to treat me in such a dismissive way. When two of my friends in the past had mums going through this, I was there for them day and night and feel so angry at her lack of loyalty to me, I guess I expect to much.
Jules xx
Hi Jules,
Sometimes the only way is to keep smiling and laughing, otherwise it’s got you. I just read on of your other posts and it’s completely normal to be up and down. My mum was dx Dec 21st and every Xmas song that came on the radio sent me into floods of tears, then on Boxing Day I found out I was pregnant so my hormones were all over the place. I was basically a hysterical mess!!
It’s difficult with friends, my mum has always said that I expect too much of people so I’m often let down. I know exactly what you mean, if it was one of my friends I would be there day and night, but not everyone is as nice as us, lol!! Seriously though, your friends are probably trying to do and say the right thing but don’t know how to.
How is your mum coping with it all? (and your dad)
Zoe x x
Hi Zoe
I hope you have had a good day. We have just spent the day with friends, and probably ate and drunk too much (I am on a diet) lol but it was nice to do something different, as this week, I seem to have got up, gone to work, gone to bed and felt my mums cancer was the overall thing in my head. Today was a good change of scenery and I feel better tonight. The friends we spent time witn know my mum and were very concerned and were asking about here prognosis, treatment etc and said to keep them informed. They have a friend who had breast cancer 6 years ago and recovered but sadly it has come back in her lungs, but they are certain that they can keep it under control not cure, but keep under control. I didnt realise until today that secondaries are rarely curable but more containable. I might ask also on this site how common secondaries are.
My friend text tonight, a long apology of a text, at least she realises how angry I was about her thoughtlessness!
Have you had a good day.
Jules xxx
Hi Jules,
I’m really glad you had a good day, a change of scene can work wonders!
Try not to worry too much about secondaries. (although I do understand as I was concerned about this when my mum was diagnosed). It sounds like they don’t suspect any lymph node involvement with your mum, which makes a spread less likely. It’s difficult to explain but I’ve found the only way to get through is to try and focus on the present. You’re still trying to come to terms with the shock so it’s early days but if you look too far ahead and focus on the ‘what ifs’ you can totally freak yourself out. I’m really sorry if that sounds patronising, as I said, it’s hard to explain, even to myself. Everyone has their different coping strategies I guess.
I’m pleased your friend texted you an apology, she must have realised she was being a little harsh!
Zoe x x
Hi there Zoe
How are you feeling today. I have been feeling ok today, but found walking round m and s today suddenly very upsetting as I was looking at the lovely bras and it suddenly brought it all back to me. The whole family are going out for lunch on Easter Sunday which will hopefully be a nice day. I have bought my mum a nice top from Pineapple and a boquet of red flowers to cheer her up. I know she will say the usual “dont keep wasting your money on me”. It is not a waste and buying her things is the only thing I can do as I feel pretty useless as I cant take her cancer away. What kind of day are you having?
ps why penguin, its a sweet name, but wondered what made you choose it.
Hugs jules xxxx
Hi Jules,
I had a nice day thanks, sorted out the attic a bit and gave loads of old clothes to the charity shop, I love having a good old spring clean!
I know what you mean, everything is a reminder and then that sets you off again. I bought my mum sooooo many flowers when she was having chemo, and so did eveyone else, her house was like a florists! I felt so useless, wanted to help but I didn’t know how.
I hope you and your family have a lovely Easter meal today, will be thinking of you,
Zoe x x
I forgot to say - Penguin is because when I registered on here every user name I tried had already been taken, and Penguin was a cute name I used to call my husband years ago before we got married. I kinda wish I could change it but can’t work out how to do it!!
Hi there sorry I have been quiet. My dad caused a problem today over something and nothing and really has upset me. I guess it is how he is dealing with things, but didnt really know what to post on here, as feel mixed up today. Anger at my dad being the way he is and sadness at my mum having cancer.
I hope you had a better day.
Jules xxx
Hiya Jules,
Sorry you didn’t have a good day yesterday. Your dad is probably venting his anger at your mum’s dx at those closest to him, but it must be really upsetting for you. You can email me anytime you want to talk, not sure how this works, I think email addresses need to be swapped throught the moderator. Hope you are ok,
Zoe x x
Hi Lucy,
How do you use the private messaging service? I couldn’t find it when I looked earlier.
Many thank,
Zoe x