Thanks Zoe, I would like to chat to you in private, but not sure how we do it!
I have woken up today feeling so yuk. The sad thing is the weekend started off really good, but then went totally bad.
Jules xx
We still don’t know whether my mum has nodes affected and won’t know until they open her up. I feel so totally consumed with worry about her. One of my friends said that I was getting to obsessed with her BC, and yes I probably am. I am a little confused, because I keep hearing things like 80 of people recover from breast cancer these days, but then I keep seeing lots of people with secondaries on this site, and I have been told that secondaries are what will eventually kill you. I am totally confused and at my wits end with worry.
Maybe someone could try and put my mind a little at ease (again).
Jules x
Hi Jules
Please call our helpline for a chat to one our specialist nurses who will be able to give you some one to one support and help to clarify some of the information you have been reading, the number is 0808 800 6000 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Lucy
Thanks Lucy, I am all over the place!
Well mum has just got her first appointment at the Royal Marsden next Thursday and as I am off I will be able to go and ask lots of questions. Makes me feel really nervous just thinking about it.
Hi Jules
sending you love and big hugs 
I know exactly what you are going through, we were in the same position with my mum. She was misdiagnosed and eventually with pushing she got recognised. Unfortunately, hers had started to travel to the lymph glands. She was diagnosed just after I came back from my honeymoon in Sept 2006, you can imagine what a homecoming that was. Moving to a new house, just married and being told I was going to lose my mum by christmas! Well here we are almost two years on and I thank god every day for my mum being here. I’ve been very ill myself and mum has got me through despite her suffering and pain. So maybe she was kept here for a reason! My words of advice to you please please please do not bottle this stuff up, talk to anyone, here on these boards or friends who have lost parents in similair circumstances. I bottled everything up to the point where actually I have become quite ill with an illness which I’ll never get rid of now. Not saying this would happen to you but the stress of it all really got to me. This is mum’s second trip with Cancer and she has been told that it will reappear. You start to live with it every day, every little twinge, is a worry and I@m not even in her shoes! My advice take each day as it comes, enjoy each day with your mum, give her little treats, things to lookf orward to and ensure the lines of communication stay open. Mum used to hide stuff from me as she knew I’d worry but this made me worry even more! don’t think the worst until you know the worst, as that all contributes to making you sad and scared. Do go with her and do ask the questions and don’t be frightened by the consultants. I’m getting quite brave in my old age and don’t take crap anymore from any doctor (misdiagnosed three times myself) . Anyway just want you to know I’m with you having been through the same journey myself. Anytime, you want tochat just shout…xx
Aww what a lovely message, and it has come at the right time too! I am having a really bad day today, well they all are, but today my friendship ended with someone I have been friends with for 22 years. The reason being since my mum has been ill she has shown her true colours. Her mum died sadly of bc 8 years ago and I have gone through it with her day by day,supporting her. Her husband was messing around and I supported her through that, infact I have given this girl more support in her life than anone else I know.The last three weeks since I found out about my mum, she has not called me once, doesnt often return my calls and sends the odd text in reply when she says “she is not busy”. I feel so hurt today and when I tried to explain to her how I was feeling, her reply was infact I will cut and paste it from an email “U’re just being very sensitive and self centred at the moment and all of your friends have families etc that need looking after. Their families must come first. Sorry!” I dont expect to come anywhere near first, but just wanted a bit of support is that too much too expect? So needless to say the friendship came to an abbrupt end. Am I expecting too much wanting a bit of support from a friend who I have spent days and days comforting.
I am so sorry to hear about your mum, is she responding well to the drugs that she is taking. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be told your mum is going to die, just worrying about what will happen to my mum is enough. You have lots of cyber hugs on there way too you.
Jules xxxx
Dear Jules,
I have just read your messages and feel so much for you. I wanted to say that I found myself in a very similar situation to yourself with my Mom 12 months ago. I also had a friend, her Mom died of bc and I helped her when her husband was messing about but when my Mom was diagnosed then everything changed. At first I thought it was that it was too soon for her but after a while I realised she didn’t want to help.
I just wanted to share with you that help and support comes from the most unlikeliest of people. I got fantastic support from the people who I never thought would want to help me. The person who has supported me the most lives miles away, always forgets to send cards at xmas, never remembers the kids birthdays and always lets me down but she always seems to ring just when I need a shoulder to cry on or to hear a chirpy voice to chear me up.
Cancer will show you your true friends and also bring you some new ones. You will get the comfort you need and you will need it but you know, it does get easier to cope with for you and your Mom.
Love
Lisa.
Hi Jules, have just replied to your post on the thread that I started. But had to comment on the thing about your friend. I also have a friend for over 25 years, we’ve been through some tough times. ( me more supportive to her when I think about it). And now 5 weeks since my mum’s diagnosis and she has yet to contact me. I know she knows, as our mum’s share mutual friends. I am now past caring. If she phones, I will ignore it, if she texts I will ignore that also. We will both be at a wedding in May, and if she says anything then, I may have to take her outside and smash her teeth in! Knowing that you have tried your best, you just get on with looking after your lovely mum
M xx
Thank you Lisa, you are not the first person I have spoken to who has had that kind of experience. Another nice lady I chat to on here said that her friend accused her of wanting sympathy or words to that effect. A hideous thing to say. I like you thought maybe it was because she wasnt coping because of her mum, but todays answer just showed me she is plain selfish. It hurts so much, my heart is in bits with my mum being ill, but this to me seems like the ultimate betrayal. It does go to show the saying is so correct “in times like this you see who are your real friends”. My other friends are being good, and one friend in particular Anita is being a total angel and she has five kids of her own, but she still finds time to speak to me when I am having a bad day. I keep thinking I must be such a mug to have given this girl so much of my time in the past, doesnt make me feel particularly great about myself to be honest. I kept telling her today via email how she had hurt me and rather than say she is sorry she said that message, which came across so cruel. She also said she didnt have time to “sit and chat on the phone” as if I wanted to sit and gossip, I wanted to talk about my mum. I am really hurting tonight, but I guess it is for the best in the long run, rather her let me down now than in the future, if things with mum got worse. Thanks for taking the time to read and write to me it really is appreciated.
Cyber Hugs.
Jules xxxx
Hi middledaughter!
Just saw your reply after I finished my message to Lisa, you are now the third person who has the same story. It makes me realise that its not just me as I was feeling a total mug today and just so hurt. Your friend sounds as selfish as mine. Why do they leech of people like us and when we want a little bit of comfort back we get ignored or told that we are self centred. I was so self centred I spent hours talking to her on the phone when her mum was ill. Even if she says sorry now the friendship is ruined, but best I know. Was your friend a close friend hun.
(more) cyber hugs
Jules xxxxx
Hi Jules,
It’s so sad it takes situations like this for people to show their true colours. Don’t feel like a mug, you’re not the kind of person to let people down so you wouldn’t have behaved in the same way. It says nothing about you but speaks volumes about her. (I read that somewhere else on this forum ages ago, so my apologies to the lady whose quote I have pinched!!) I just sent you an email by the way, hope you are ok,
Zoe x x
Thanks Zoe, I feel so hurt, and so stupid.
It is my wedding anniversary tonight, and though I wasnt due to go out as really not in the mood due to mum being ill, i wanted to have a nice quiet night with hubby watching a film and a take away she has spoilt that now. I will go and read your email!
Hugs hun xxx
Hi Jules- lost the thread( and the plot I think!!) I did post on your mummy/daddy joke thread, but then thought it may not be right!! Sorry, not like myself at all!! I feel totally consumed with worry and anxiety. Got no-one to talk to!! Mum only just beendiagnosed and I’ve been like a sea sponge!! Just soaking up every bit of info I can! I don’t imagine its helped, cos all worst case scenarios! You do a bit when things are unknown? How is your mum? I’ve read so much, not slept much at all! Don’t feel like work,but gotta go! Why have I gone to pot? I’m normally fierce!!! REALLY!
Hi Jules, hope you had nice wedding anniversary. It was our 13th on the 25th of March. How time flies! The friend in question started off as an aquaintance at school. She was quite snooty and I was always skipping school and smoking (shock!). After school, we had friends in common and met at 18th birthday parties etc. When we were about 19/20, my best mate met a guy and moved away, and I was at a loose end one night and she asked if I wanted to go bowling. (well, I couldn’t drive at that time and she had her own car!) and we just sort of fell into going to the pub, etc. But I never 100% trusted her if you know what I mean. She embelished stories, thought every guy fancied HER, and was never that good a mate. But, when I met my hubby she took the hump and sloped off, blaming me for getting her started on cigs!! (I’d given up by this time) But she has been privy to my deepest darkest secrets/fears/worries. And never reciprocated. So to answer your question, I thought she was my best mate, but I obviously wasn’t hers. Never mind. Her loss. I agree with Penguin (Zoe) that at times like these, people show their true colours. And I for one, am not wasting anymore time on fair-weather friends. so there!
Hope you are all well,
Big hugs x
Dear concerneddaughter
This must be a very difficult time for you at the moment, I just wanted to say that you may find it helpful to talk things through with one of our helpliners, they can offer you support and a ‘listening ear’. The number is 0808 800 6000 and it’s open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Lucy
Thanks Lucy. Its a bit difficult to phone as they are my working hours,! I will try though!
Well mum had her MRI scan but no results back yet! Still none the wiser in whether her nodes are affected.
They also did another ultra sound on her breast on Weds and her tumour has shrunk a tiny bit more, so they have decided on her surgery. She goes into the Marsden on the 17th July to have a partial mastectomy, reconstruction and also have the other breast built up to match the reconstruction. She is also having some nodes removed to be biopsied. She is still having alot of pain with the letrazole and has trouble holding things as the pain in her hands is really bad. She also has very high blood pressure, so that is being monitored closely before the operation. She has her pre op this week. She has been told she will be in three to six days and will have a few drains in as she is having surgery on both breasts. As usual she is being brave and making no fuss.
I am on facebook, and was saying to a lady on there why is it people like my mum and alot of you on here have so many problems and rarely moan, but others who have no problems moan about everything. Stupid things like the weather and a football team loosing!
Has anyone else had surgery at the Sutton Royal Marsden? Was just wondering what the visiting situation is like there as we live about an hour away but want to go and see and support her as much as possible.
Got back from Turkey early this morning, was beautiful but the weather was too hot for hubby bless him lol It was 120 degrees and it made him really unwell. I was quite concerned on Wednesday as he was feeling dizzy, couldnt eat and was having trouble catching his breath. He didn’t drink enough fluids and also should have gone in the pool more to keep his body temperature down. Why is it sometimes you have to treat men like children??? I lived in the swimming pool for the whole week it was beautiful. (facebook friends there will be some pics on there in next day or two of hols)
Jules xxxx