Hi everyone,
My mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer last week. We’re all overwhelmed and she’s really, really scared. We’re still limited on information right now but we know it’s spread to under her arm and lymph nodes in her stomach. No vital organs though and the consultant is optimistic that there’s a path to remission.
It’s been really helpful for me to read so many inspirational stories on this forum of people overcoming the diagnosis to live full and rich lives. But my mum is too fragile right now for me to feel like I can suggest to her that she looks on a forum in case of reading the wrong thing.
Right now she can’t imagine how life can be happy again after this diagnosis and sees cancer as her whole future. It would help SO much for her to hear some stories of how scared people have been at the start of this journey and how there really can be happiness and joy on the other side of it.
Thank you so much to anyone who can help
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I’m so sorry to hear of your Mum’s diagnosis, I have had two primary cancers, one in each boob with no lymph spread so can’t comment on secondary. I’m now trying to Move Forward towards the end of my active treatment with Herceptin, for over a year the diagnosis and endless appointments have been the centre of my life. I have a friend in her 70s with secondary and she wants to live life to the full, she’s lucky to be in a trial at the moment. She’s sees everyday as a blessing.
One positive is that Kris Hallenga founder of www.coppafeel.org lived for 15 years after her diagnosis, she did a few documentaries for the BBC, I believe. She was diagnosed at 23. I remember seeing her having bone injections in her programme. She lived life helping others, especially young women who as dismissed as being too young.
This is a great forum and I’m sure some lovely person can add their own positive stories.
I wish your mum well and thank you for reaching out on the forum to help her. 
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Hi.
I’m so sorry your Mum is going through this.
I was diagnosed with secondaries in my bones in January 23, 7 years after my initial diagnosis, and following a liver biopsy, it was discovered that I had multiple tumours there too. I thought my life was over as I know this cant be cured.
Many people advised me to think of it as a long term health condition like diabetes, and that we are living with cancer and not dying from it.
Im still on my 1st line treatment, and my scans have shown shrinkage in the liver and stability in my bones. Apart from the scanxiety every 3 months when the ct scan is due, im living a mostly normal life, and it doesn’t control me or what I do.
Your Mum will find a way to cope and people can live a long life with secondaries these days. Treatments are wonderful now! Fantastic that there is nothing in her organs. Thats really positive!
I hope that helps and your Mum will find peace with it.
Lots of love.
Amanda x
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Hi,
I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer two years ago, in lymph nodes and muscle in my chest. I too believed my life would just be “cancer” but although it has obviously played a big part, I have had some wonderful times too. Treatments have varied, going through chemo again was hard, but most of the two years I have been on treatments that don’t impact my day to day life much and I have felt well. I recently went to New York with a friend and we walked until we dropped. So I can say to your mum that my experience has been that cancer hasn’t taken over like I thought it would, and yes I still feel sad or scared sometimes, but I also feel grateful for the good times and for my family and friends who have supported me throughout, as I can see you are doing for your mum too.
Sending love.
Lisa x
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please do reach out to metupuk too 